Walking Puns
1. I was going to tell a joke about walking, but it seemed like a big step.
2. Did you hear about the new walking club? Membership is just one foot in front of the other!
3. I tried to sell my old walking shoes on eBay, but no one wanted to fill my footsteps.
4. I entered a competitive walking race last week. Sadly, I didn’t make the cut and got disqualified for running.
5. Did you hear about the angry pedestrian? He was charged with disorderly foot conduct.
6. I was going to tell a joke while walking, but it required too much setup.
7. Why don’t spiders walk very far? Because they only have eight legs!
8. Why was the shoe rejected from the walking marathon? It didn’t have enough sole.
9. Did you hear about the new restaurant for competitive walkers? It’s called Fast Food.
10. Did you hear about the shoe factory that got shut down? They were making lazy slippers.
11. Why do ants never skip leg day? Because it’s all about those tiny ant steps!
12. Why do roads get tired at the end of the day? Because they get walked all over!
13. Why was the shoelace arrested? It was caught tripping people.
14. Did you hear about the guy who invented Velcro shoes? What a rip off!
15. Why do palms sweat when you’re nervous? They get sweaty feet too!
16. How do snails from different parts of the country greet each other? With a hearty “slime to meetcha!”
17. Why don’t ants ever get sick? Because they have tiny little anty-bodies!
18. How do celebrities’ shoes stay so shiny? They have a lot of fame polishers.
Walking One-Liners
19. I used to be a shoe salesman but I got bored and decided to walk.
20. I entered a walking marathon to support my local foot doctor.
21. They say you learn a lot about someone by walking a mile in their shoes. I learned my neighbor has smelly feet.
22. Roses are red, my shoes are too, let’s go for a long walk, just me and you.
23. Walking club? More like talking club am I right?
24. I’m no Forrest Gump but I sure do love walking!
25. These shoes are made for walkin’ but now my feet are a-hurtin’!
26. Walking meditation? More like accidentally tripping meditation.
27. Walking is just falling forward and catching yourself over and over.
28. Shoelaces: possibly the worst invention since unsliced bread.
29. Warning: objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Especially my feet.
30. New shoes always give me blisters but I keep buying them because I have no sole.
31. I’m no athletic walker but I’m a master at the lazy Sunday stroll.
32. These shoes weren’t made for walkin’, but that’s all I’ve been doing in them.
33. I walked into a shoe store and it was sole-crushing.
34. I bought new walking shoes even though my old ones still had miles left.
35. Let’s play pedestrian chicken and see who moves out of the way first.
36. My walking coach told me I have high arches. Does that make me snooty?
Best Walking Jokes
37. A man went to the doctor complaining of a sore leg. After examining him, the doctor said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to stop masturbating.” The man was shocked and asked, “Why doc?” The doctor replied, “So I can examine your leg properly.”
38. Fred was struggling to walk after his accident, so his doctor suggested getting a cane to help stabilize himself. Fred replied, “I’d rather not advertise that I have trouble getting it up.”
39. A man with a stutter went for a walk in the park. He kept tripping over his shoelaces because he couldn’t say “knot.”
40. Sherlock Holmes and Watson decided to go for a walk on a hot summer day. As they were strolling along, Holmes suddenly stopped and said, “Watson, look down at the ground and tell me what you see.” Watson looked down and said, “I see streets, Holmes.” Holmes replied, “No, no, no. Look closer Watson.” Watson studied the ground intently then exclaimed, “My goodness, Holmes! The streets appear to be melting from the heat!” Holmes clapped his hands together and said, “Excellent observation Watson! Now, what does this tell us?” Watson thought for a moment before replying, “Well the evidence suggests the city recently had new asphalt laid.” Holmes smacked his forehead and shouted, “For heaven’s sake Watson, some fool has stolen our tent!”
41. An 85-year-old man went to his doctor for a physical. A week later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The doctor stopped him and said, “I did your physical last week and I need to talk to you right away!” The old man said, “Let’s go to your office.” Once inside, the doctor said, “You’re in terrific shape for an 85-year-old. How do you do it?” The old man said, “Every morning before breakfast I go out for a walk. Then before dinner I go out for another walk.” The doctor exclaimed, “That’s great but I don’t see how that makes you look so young.” The man replied, “I’m trying to get home!”
42. Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: “God, please give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours. The second man prayed: “God, please give me the strength and tools to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour. The third man prayed: “God, please give me the strength, tools, and intelligence to cross this river.” Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple hundred yards, and walked across the bridge to the other side.
43. A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver’s license? Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle? Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who’s car is this? Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying pig told you I was speeding, too.
44. A police officer sees an old woman walking down the side of the road and stops to offer her a ride. As she gets in the car, he notices she seems upset and asks if everything is alright. The old woman explains that her husband just passed away. The officer kindly says, “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that ma’am. After 60 years of marriage, it must be very emotionally difficult.” The old woman replies, “Yes, after 60 years of waking up at 7 a.m. to make his breakfast, doing laundry and housecleaning all day without a word of appreciation, making him dinner every night and not getting so much as a thank you, it is going to be very hard getting used to the peace and quiet.”
45. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
46. One day Einstein, Newton and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran off and hid. Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter x one meter square on the floor around himself with chalk. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton.” Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”
47. An Irishman was trying to find directions to a new walking trail. He asked a local farmer, “Say there, how do I get to the new walking trail from here?” The farmer looked at the man with confusion and responded, “You’re alreadystanding on it.”
48. Did you hear about the TimeoutError? It’s what you get when you wait too long for your walking companion.
49. Why don’t ants ever get lost when they go for a walk? They have in-sect navigation!
50. I was tired of sitting around so I decided to go on a nature walk. But I wandered off the path and got lost in the woods for several hours before finding my way back. Next time I’ll just stick to the garden walk.
51. Did you hear about the shoe that went for a hike? It was a real walk in the park!
52. Why did the one-footed man get fired from his walking job? He couldn’t keep step!
53. I tried walking on my hands to change things up. It was quite the feet!
54. Ever since I started power walking I’ve noticed some startling changes in my body. For one thing, my nose hits the ground a lot sooner.
55. I bought a Fitbit to track my walking, but I had to return it. It kept telling me to take 5,000 steps back from it.
56. I was feeling blah so I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. But I got lost and it turned into more of an existential march.
57. I was struggling on my power walk today but then “Eye of the Tiger” came on and I felt like I could walk forever. Turns out I can only walk for like 4 more minutes.
58. My walking partner talks so slow that I’m tempted to leave her behind. But I need the moral support, so I walk reeeeaaaaally slooooow too.
59. I like to walk barefoot to better connect with the earth. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to do that in the grocery store.
60. My walking app said I did 10,000 steps before noon. Turns out my toddler got ahold of my phone again.
61. I decided to spice up my regular walking route by walking backward the whole way. Not only was it a great workout, but I freaked out a lot of my neighbors too.
62. I’m no power walker but I get there eventually. I call it calm, contemplative meandering.
63. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
64. I entered the Penguin Olympics walking race. Sadly I only placed third, I guess I’m not emperor penguin material.
65. Did you hear about the angry shoelace? It was absolutely laced with fury.
66. My orthopedic shoes were expensive but worth every penny. They are made from very supportive soles.
67. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name!
68. My walking partner is like chocolate milk – she leaves me feeling refreshed and renewed.
69. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a six offender!
Conclusion
And there you have it – 89 funny jokes about walking! From silly puns to classic one-liners to longer form jokes, this list has them all. Walking is such a universal human activity, there’s no shortage of humor to be found in our shared experiences of strolling, striding, and stumbling around on two legs. Hopefully these jokes gave you a few good laughs and will put some pep in your step next time you’re out for some foot travel. Just be sure to watch out for any banana peels on the sidewalk! Thanks for stopping by to enjoy some walky talky comedy.
