Viking Puns
1. What do you call a Viking who skipped leg day? A lack-beard.
2. Why don’t Vikings like going to the optometrist? They hate getting their eyes Thored.
3. Why did the Viking buy an extra-large helmet? He had a big Norse.
4. What do you call it when a Viking walks into a wall? A Nordic collision.
5. Did you hear about the Viking who was afraid of heights? He suffered from Nordic phobia.
6. How do Vikings send messages? With Nordic runes.
7. Why can’t you tell a joke to a Viking shield? It has a Norse block.
8. What do you call a Viking who works out a lot? A Thor guy.
9. Why do Vikings make bad therapists? They focus too much on Norse issues.
10. Did you hear about the new Viking-themed restaurant? It serves Nordic cuisine.
11. Why don’t Vikings like riding rollercoasters? They don’t like the Norse drops.
12. How do Vikings stay connected? With Odinsnet.
Viking One-Liners
13. I took a Viking history class just for the Norse of it.
14. Vikings don’t wear pants because Odin hates pantries.
15. What do you call a paralyzed Viking? A Thor quad.
16. How did the Viking know you can’t take it with you? He saw the morgue.
17. What’s a Viking’s favorite sport? Norseball.
18. My friend didn’t pay his water bill, so I sent the Viking collectors after him.
19. Vikings don’t vote, they pillage the polls.
20. Vikings don’t need Google Maps. They just pillage and go.
21. Vikings aren’t into fashion. They just wear whatever they looted.
22. Vikings never pay full price. They just raid the gift shop.
Best Viking Jokes
23. A Viking named Rudolph was feeling down about his red nose. His fellow Vikings said, “Come on Rudolph, you’ll go down in his Norse tree!”
24. A Viking walks into a bar and orders a mead. He takes one sip and immediately storms out. “What’s wrong?” the bartender asks. “Don’t you Norse customs?!” the Viking shouts back.
25. How do you sink a Viking ship? Put it in water.
26. Did you hear about the actor who studied Vikings to prepare for a movie role? He really got into character.
27. What do you call a least intimidating Viking? Lackbeard the Harmless.
28. Why don’t Vikings do stand-up comedy? Because they prefer axe throwing to telling jokes.
29. How many Vikings does it take to change a longboat’s sail? No one knows, they just rape and pillage.
30. What’s the difference between a Northern European and a Viking? The Northern European ransoms and then rapes you, while the Viking rapes and then ransoms you.
31. How do Vikings send their mail? By Norse Express.
32. Did you hear about the Viking raid that went poorly? They mist their pillaging quota.
33. Why don’t Vikings have phones? Because they just Norse around.
34. What’s a Viking’s favorite dessert? Norse pudding.
35. Why couldn’t the Viking child get into Valhalla? He wasn’t dead yet.
36. Why does Norway have the best navy? They just pick 20 random Vikings and let them loose.
37. What do you call a Viking who doesn’t eat meat? A Norse vegetarian.
