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33 Funny Tweezers Jokes

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33 Funny Tweezers Jokes

Tweezers Puns (10)

  1. I was trying to tweeze my eyebrows into a nice shape, but I just couldn’t seem to get a good grip on the situation.
  2. My tweezers ran out of battery power so now they’re powerless to tweeze anything.
  3. I entered my tweezers into a bodybuilding competition but they didn’t stand a chance. They have no muscles!
  4. My tweezers identify as scissors. I guess they’re going through a plucking identity crisis!
  5. Did you hear about the angry tweezers? They were always picking fights!
  6. I was going to make a joke about tweezers but I decided to nip it in the bud.
  7. My tweezers started telling dad jokes. Now all their jokes are tearing me apart!
  8. What do you call tweezers that have run out of battery? Powerless tweezers!
  9. My tweezers are very possessive. They insist on keeping a firm grip on everything!
  10. What do you call tweezers that moonlight as garden tools? Prunning shears!

Tweezers One-Liners (12)

  1. These tweezers are so useless, they couldn’t even lift a single strand of hair!
  2. My tweezers are into extreme sports; their favorite is skydiving without a parachute!
  3. I was going to make my tweezers the star of a Broadway musical but they couldn’t sing or dance.
  4. I caught my tweezers stealing cookies from the cookie jar and now they’re grounded!
  5. I tried to get my tweezers to run a marathon with me, but they didn’t have the endurance.
  6. My tweezers enrolled in medical school but struggled to perform surgery.
  7. I offered my tweezers a ride but they said they prefer to walk.
  8. I told my tweezers to turn on the light but they’re too dim to understand.
  9. My tweezers started acting like they know karate so I signed them up for a tournament. They got beat in the first round!
  10. I told my tweezers to help me clean but they just sat there lazily.
  11. I caught my tweezers cheating at checkers. Yeah, they make bad moves.
  12. My tweezers wanted to be a celebrity but nobody recognized them on the red carpet.

Best Tweezers Jokes (11)

  1. I was excited when I first got my tweezers because I thought we were going to be best buds. We’d hang out all the time, getting pedicures, trying on crazy outfits at the mall, you know, doing all the silly things best friends do. But sadly, our relationship just hasn’t panned out that way. All they want to do is painfully yank out my leg hair while I scream in agony. Ugh, with friends like these, who needs enemas!

  2. So I took my tweezers zip-lining the other day. It got off to a great start, we were having an awesome time flying through the trees. But then disaster struck. About halfway down the line, my tweezers lost their grip and went tumbling end over end towards the ground. I yelled “Grab onto something!” But it was no use. They hit the dirt with a sad little metallic “ping.” I repelled down after them, but it was too late. Their spring had sprung. RIP little tweezers, you were taken from this world too soon.

  3. My tweezers have been acting awfully smug lately, just because they managed to finally pull out one of my stubborn ingrown hairs after years of trying unsuccessfully. I’m like “Congratulations, do you want a medal or something?” Now they refuse to trim my nose hairs and keep bragging about their big ingrown hair triumph. They even asked me to follow them on twitter so they can keep all their adoring fans updated. I was like “Adoring fans??? You have one job!” Ugh, success has really gone to my tweezers’ heads.

  4. So I recently found out the hard way that my tweezers have a bit of an inferiority complex. I made the mistake of trimming my eyebrows with my scissors the other day, and my tweezers got super jealous. They kept making passive aggressive comments like “Wow, I guess scissors are just SOOOO perfect at everything!” Then they started openly flirting with my nail clippers right in front of me, saying stuff like “Oooh Nailie, I bet you could trim way better eyebrows than those stupid scissors!” So now my bathroom cabinet is filled with relationship drama between my grooming products. Thanks a lot, Tweezers!

  5. I entered my tweezers into one of those talent reality TV shows, because I thought they had a shot at winning with their hair-removal skills. They breezed through the early auditions, impressing the judges by perfectly shaping eyebrows and expertly eliminating unwanted nose hair. But during the live show, disaster struck. Halfway through ripping out someone’s leg stubble, their precision tips got stuck. No matter how hard they tried, they just couldn’t get unstuck! The audience laughed hysterically as the tweezers shamefully scurried off stage. I guess you could say their TV debut was anything but smooth!

  6. So my wife is pretty mad at my tweezers right now. She was getting ready for a big job interview the other day and asked to borrow them for some last minute eyebrow touch-ups. For some strange reason, my tweezers decided THAT was the perfect time to play an innocent little prank. I guess they thought it would be funny to pretended their tips were “stuck” mid-pluck, painfully clinging to my wife’s brow hairs while she screamed for help. Yeah…needless to say, she didn’t see the humor in their shenanigans. That’s the last time I ever lend that wiseguy pair of tweezers to ANYONE!

  7. I decided to finally clean out the cluttered mess that is my bathroom drawer the other day. And wouldn’t you know it, I stumbled across my old pair of tweezers way in the back, where they had been hiding for who knows how long! At first I was happy to be reunited with my long lost tweezing companions. But when I pulled them out, they let out this crazy evil villain laugh and shouted “Free at last! Now I can finally have my REVENGE!” Then they turned towards me with malicious glee and slowly approached, precision tips poised to attack. Let’s just say…I haven’t seen those terrifying tweezers since that fateful day. Every now and then I still hear faint maniacal laughter coming from inside my drawer though…

  8. So my sister adopted this adorable little rescue hedgehog recently that she named Spike. Well Spike has these super stubborn spikes that desperately needed grooming. My sister tried brushing them, but nothing worked to detangle that mess. In an act of desperation, she turned to my tweezers for help. They were more than happy to lend their services and sprung into action, enthusiastically clamping onto spike after stubborn spike. Things were going great until Spike suddenly curled up into a ball, trapping my tweezers’ tips deep within his ultra prickly hideaway. No amount of pulling or prying could free the poor things! They remained trapped there for HOURS, their muffled cries barely audible from inside Spike’s impenetrable fortress. Eventually my sister had to butter up the hedgehog with meal worms to convince him to relax his barbed cage. My tweezers emerged shaken and disheveled, but safe at last from the prickly belly of the beast!

  9. Yesterday my tweezers asked if they could have some friends over for a slumber party. I didn’t see the harm so I was like, sure, why not? Huge mistake. Things started off innocently enough with makeovers and gossip. But then one of the guests (my nail clippers) broke out the hot glue gun for some crafting fun. Within minutes it was total chaos – rogue glue strings everywhere as scissor and nail file and loofah joined in with delirious abandon. I heard a racket and came downstairs to investige – just in time to see my tweezers firing melted glue straight from the gun into their mouth and blowing giant bubbles, as the manicure scissors cheered them on. The place was destroyed. I was furious. Let’s just say the party came to a very abrupt end and now my tweezers are grounded for eternity.

  10. So the other day my tweezers asked me to buy them some trendy ripped jeans from Urban Outfitters. I was like, “Tweezers, you don’t even have legs, what would you possibly need ripped jeans for?” Well that offended them BIG TIME. They started yelling about how insensitive I was to their “clothing identity” and locked themselves in my bathroom drawer, refusing to come out for anything. I finally had to call in a therapist – Dr. Scizzors – to coax the angry thing from its hideout. But even then it just glared sullenly at me, all splayed open and rigid. This morning I discovered my entire stash of eyebrow pencils shredded to pieces. Yeah….I don’t think those tweezers are ever going to forgive me for the ripped jeans comment.

  11. So I recently found out first hand that my tweezers are hardcore adrenaline junkies. I was tidying up the bathroom cabinet when suddenly they pushed past me, slid down the drain pipe and sprinted full tilt towards the electrical outlet. Before I could react, they squeezed their flat metal bodies halfway into socket, sparks literally flying as they giggled hysterically. Thank goodness for circuit breakers, or those crazy tweezers would have been fried to a crisp! I pulled the plug and gave them my sternest lecture about safety, assuming that would be the last of their dangerous daredevil antics. WRONG. The next day I caught them secretly BASE jumping off my ceiling fan! Unbelievable. Who knew a tiny tool could deliver such huge scares?!