Toucan Puns
1. Why don’t toucans like cold weather? It gives them the shiv-toucans!
2. What kind of fruit do toucans like best? Beak-ans!
3. Why are toucans such fussy eaters? They’re always toucan-sidering their options.
4. Why do toucans make good lawyers? They have huge bill-abilities.
5. What do you call a sleepy toucan? A nap-can!
6. How does a toucan style its hair? With a toucan comb!
7. Why don’t toucans get brain freeze? Their bills act as insulation.
8. Why do toucans bob their heads when they walk? They like to toucan on the wild side!
9. What kind of shoes do toucans wear? High toucs!
10. Why do toucans make great scientists? They have keen powers of obser-beak-tion.
Toucan One-Liners
11. I tried catching a toucan once but it was too canny for me!
12. Never try to outdo a toucan when it comes to nose size.
13. Toucans may boast big bills but they’re also big cheapskates.
14. Toucans look ready for Mardi Gras every day of the year.
15. If a toucan laughs at this joke, you’ll know its beak is funnier than mine.
16. Toucans aren’t that different from humans – they just have better palette options.
17. Toucans are proof that not all birds are birdbrains.
18. A group of toucans is called a tooter – as in, “Look at that colorful tooter over there!”
19. If toucans went to house parties, they’d double as beer bongs.
20. No one knows how toucans tipo tapo so fast with those giant beaks.
Best Toucan Jokes
21. What do you call a South American bird that steals your fruit? A robber-toucan!
A man went on vacation to Brazil and was excited to see toucans in the wild for the first time. While hiking through the rainforest one day, he set down his bag with some fruit in it to take a rest. A toucan swooped down out of nowhere and snatched a banana from the bag before flying off into the canopy. The man shook his fist and shouted “Hey! Come back here, you robber toucan!”
22. Why don’t birds ever win air hockey tournaments? Because toucans beat one!
Birds from all over entered a big air hockey tournament last week. The top contenders were eagles, hawks, and falcons – known for their speed and agility. Surprisingly, the finals came down to a falcon versus a toucan. Despite the falcon’s aerial prowess, the toucan used its giant bill to expertly direct the puck and won the championship title. When interviewed afterwards about beating the odds, the toucan simply said “It’s true what they say: toucans beat one!”
23. How do toucans send messages to each other? With toucan mail!
Toucans have developed a very efficient postal service in the rainforest using their colorful bills as writing surfaces. To send a letter, a toucan will scrawl a note on its bill using berry juice as ink. It will then take flight through the canopy until it spots the recipient perched on a branch. The messenger toucan will dart over and touch bills with the other toucan, transferring the juice message. These toucan mail carriers are so adept they can send letters back and forth between flock members multiple times a day. It just goes to show that when you want to share important news and stay in toucan, there’s nothing faster than toucan mail!
24. Why don’t toucans live near the beach? Because they don’t like gulls!
A flock of toucans had settled comfortably in a patch of inland rainforest when a few of the younger birds decided to scout out potential new nesting grounds closer to the ocean. The toucans flew to the coast and landed on the beach, only to be immediately surrounded by squawking seagulls trying to steal their food. The toucans quickly realized these beach birds had no manners or boundaries. Not wanting to deal with the thieving gulls daily, the toucans high-tailed it back to their peaceful home deep in the jungle. After that encounter, the flock agreed the beach lifestyle wasn’t for them – when you’re a refined toucan, gulls are just intolerable!
25. Why do toucans make terrible therapists? Because they give terrible advice!
Tom the toucan decided to pursue his dream of becoming a therapist. He got certified, rented an office, and eagerly awaited his first patient. Nancy the songbird came in feeling anxious and stressed. Tom listened and then said “Have you tried hiding your head under your wing and pretending everything is fine? That’s my go-to move!” Nancy left the appointment more confused than ever. Tommy’s next patient Harry the hawk complained he was exhausted from hunting mice all day. “Just eat the mice live and uncooked – it saves energy!” the toucan suggested. Word quickly spread that Tom’s therapeutic techniques were bizarre and ineffective. Turns out the only mental health advice worse than a toucan’s is following it!
26. Why did the toucan get in trouble at school? For toucan on other kids!
Sammy Toucan was always getting scolded by his teacher Mr. Eagle. He would peck and peck at the other baby birds, especially during recess. One day during painting time, Sammy kept dunking his giant colorful bill in the paint buckets and tossing paint at the other students. When Mr. Eagle saw toucans covered in blue and red splotches, he immediately put Sammy in time-out. The teacher called over Sammy’s mom and said “We need to nip this toucan behavior in the bud!” After that, Sammy had to write “I will not toucan on my classmates” one hundred times on the chalkboard before he was allowed to rejoin the flock. Moral of the story: toucan if you want to, but keep those bills to yourself!
27. Why are toucans considered the pirates of the bird world? They just arrrr!
If birds decided to dress up as pirates for Halloween, toucans would win best costume hands down. Between their colorful bills, noisy squawking, and kleptomaniac tendencies, toucans are the original swashbuckling Buccaneers of the treetops. They will swoop down and arrrr away anyone’s lunch if left unguarded. And while most birds sing lovely songs, the toucan’s abrasive croaking sound is more likely to make you walk the plank than lull you to sleep. So if you ever come across a rum-guzzling, food-stealing, hull-nesting bird in the rainforest, you’ve likely been robbed by none other than a toucan pirate!
