Totem Pole Puns (20)
1. I wanted to carve a totem pole, but I woodknot know where to start.
2. My friend is obsessed with totem poles. I think he needs totem down a bit.
3. Did you hear about the totem pole that was arrested? He was charged with illegal logging.
4. I entered my totem pole in a beauty contest. Unfortunately, it didn’t win – the judges said it was too wooden.
5. I was thinking of visiting Alaska to see the totem poles. My friend said if I go, make sure to bundle pole.
6. My totem pole business wasn’t doing well, so I decided to branch pole and start selling lawn ornaments too.
7. I wanted to get a pet parrot for my totem pole so it would have a friend. But I realized that would just be polely wanton.
8. Did you hear about the angry totem pole? He threw a hissy fit and stormed pole.
9. I entered my totem pole in a talent show. He did a pole dance routine.
10. Did you hear about the totem pole who won the lottery? He was so excited he did a pole vault.
11. I caught my totem pole sneaking treats when he thought I wasn’t looking. That pole has quite an appetite!
12. My totem pole friend has been feeling down lately. I told him chin pole – things will get better!
13. I entered my totem pole in a fishing tournament. He was disqualified for pole snagging.
14. Did you hear about the totem pole who got injured? He threw pole his back out.
15. I took my totem pole to get his portrait painted. The artist charged double – he said it was two poles in one!
16. My totem pole friend met a nice lady pole at the park. I think he’s smitten.
17. Did you hear about the totem pole who joined a gym? He wanted to improve his pole fitness.
18. I caught my totem pole reading a romance novel. I said “Don’t get any ideas!” He just shrugged and said “A pole can dream!”
19. Did you hear about the totem pole who couldn’t sleep? He was up all night tossing and poleing!
20. I told my totem pole we were going on vacation. He started pole dancing with excitement!
Totem Pole One-Liners (20)
21. My totem pole is a real chatterbox – he’s always running his mouth pole.
22. My totem pole friend is quite the pole dancer, if you know what I mean.
23. I caught my totem pole sneaking food again. That pole never stops eating!
24. My totem pole gets angry when I correct his grammar. I guess he can’t handle critiques from the punctuation pole-ice.
25. I wanted to teach my totem pole some manners, but he gave me nothing but pole-lip.
26. My totem pole is addicted to online shopping. That pole is out of control!
27. My totem pole is obsessed with selfies. He’s so vain, it pole-y annoys me!
28. I wanted to take my totem pole hiking, but he complained the whole time. What a pole-va!
29. My totem pole is scared of heights. I guess you could say he has a fear of pole-ing.
30. I caught my totem pole telling lies again. Honestly, that pole has no integrity.
31. My totem pole never stops bragging about himself. Someone needs to take that pole down a notch!
32. I wanted to teach my totem pole manners, but he kept interrupting. Rude pole!
33. My totem pole is addicted to birdwatching. That pole is cuckoo for cuckoos!
34. My totem pole is obsessed with cleaning. He’s positively pole-ished!
35. I wanted to take my totem pole to a ball game, but he hates sports. What a pole-loser!
36. My totem pole loves horror movies. He gets a real thrill from pole-tergeists!
37. My totem pole is scared of needles. He turns pale whenever he sees a pole-prick.
38. I caught my totem pole lip-syncing in the mirror again. Vain pole!
39. My totem pole loves dancing, especially the poleka and the mam-pole!
40. My totem pole talks with a Spanish accent. He’s bilingual – he pole habla Español!
Best Totem Pole Jokes (31)
41. My friend Joe decided to get into the totem pole carving business. He worked day and night carving intricate designs and figures into tall cedar logs. After months of hard work, he had dozens of finished totem poles ready to sell. Joe loaded up his truck and headed to the local flea market to try and sell some. He set up his booth and arranged the totem poles for display. Immediately he noticed a problem – none of the aisles were wide enough to accommodate the 20-foot poles. “How am I going to sell these if no one can even get close to them?” Joe wondered. Defeated, he packed up his poles and headed home. I guess you could say Joe really didn’t think pole this through.
42. Did you hear about the totem pole who was embarrassed to leave his house? He had a polecial anxiety disorder.
43. Bill loved to tell stories about his Alaskan ancestors who carved intricate totem poles to display their family heritage. He decided to try his hand at carving his own family totem pole. After weeks of work, he unveiled the finished pole to his family. On the pole was carved figures of his relatives – grandpa, grandma, mom and dad, sisters and brothers. But at the very top, Bill had carved a toilet with his own face on it. His family gasped, “Bill, why on earth did you put a toilet at the top?” Bill just chuckled and said, “Well someone has to deal with all your crap!”
44. Martha was visiting Alaska and stopped to admire the colorful, ornate totem poles outside a Native cultural center. She struck up a conversation with an elderly Native man who was resting on a nearby bench. “These poles are beautiful!” she remarked. “Thank you,” replied the man. “My grandfather carved this one, and my father carved that tall one over there.” Martha nodded appreciatively. She gazed up at the towering poles, shielding her eyes from the sun. “I have to ask,” she said, “what exactly is the purpose of a totem pole?” The old man smiled and replied, “Well ma’am, we haven’t quite figured that pole yet!”
45. Jake decided to play a prank on his neighbor by stealing his lawn gnome and tying it halfway up his totem pole. For weeks, the gnome remained there unnoticed. Then one day Jake heard his neighbor exclaim, “Hey, my gnome is gone! And what is that thing doing up on your totem pole?” Jake shouted back gleefully, “That’s gnome of your business!”
46. Mark was hiking through the Alaskan wilderness when he came upon an old totem pole in a clearing. It was weathered and grey, with moss growing on the carved animals. As Mark approached, he was startled when a wizened old face suddenly peered out from a hollow opening in the pole. “Ahhh!” Mark yelped. “Are you a ghost?!” The face replied in a creaky voice. “No, I am the guardian spirit of this ancient totem pole. I have watched over these lands for a thousand years.” Mark nodded nervously. “Oh I see! Can I…take a picture?” The spirit’s eyes narrowed. “No photos! Now throw some salmon in the hole as an offering and be on your way.”
47. Did you hear about the arrogant totem pole who was shunned by his carved animal friends? They were tired of dealing with his pole-ossal attitude.
48. My friend Dave makes hilarious totem poles out of trash he finds around town. There’s Pole Verine, made from empty beer cans, Polely Esther, made from old mannequin parts, and Rubbish Anne, made from discarded paint buckets. My favorite is Junkhew – he’s literally just a pile of junk with a smiley face!
49. Cassie decided to surprise her husband by commissioning a custom totem pole for their 10th anniversary. When the big day came, she led him out to the backyard with his eyes closed. “Surprise!” she yelled. He opened his eyes to see a 20-foot tall pole covered in intricate carvings of Cassie wearing lingerie in various tantalizing poses. His jaw dropped. “Cassie, it’s…very detailed work, but don’t you think this is a bit inappropriate for the front lawn?” Cassie blushed beet red and made a mental note to have a word with the ‘artist.’
50. Did you hear about the disgruntled totem pole who went on strike? He demanded better pole-y working conditions.
51. I was admiring the totem poles in front of the Native art gallery when a feisty squirrel scampered up one and knocked it over. The heavy cedar pole toppled right toward me! Just before it crushed me, I rolled out of the way. A reporter rushed over and said, “That was a close call! What can you tell us about your brush with death?” Catching my breath, I replied, “All I can say is I barely escaped becoming a pole-pancake!”
52. Why was the totem pole arrested on Halloween night? He was caught pole-lurking around people’s yards!
53. Did you hear about the clumsy totem pole who got a job at the post office? He kept dropping the mail and had to go through pole-sensitivity training.
54. What did the paparazzo say to the totem pole celebrity? “Excuse me Sir Pole, can I get a photo?”
55. Why doesn’t Dracula have a totem pole? He doesn’t like anything with stake!
56. Did you hear about the hungry termite who found an old totem pole? He took one look and said “Mmm…appeteasers!”
57. What do you call a totem pole that just wants to be friends? A pole-zoner!
58. Two totem poles walk into a bar, one pole drunk, the other held his pole-quor.
59. What did the pony say when it was standing next to the totem pole? “Hey buddy, move over, you’re taking up my pole space!”
60. My friend Dave is obsessed with totem poles. He has collected over 200 miniature poles that he proudly displays in his living room. His wife finally had enough and yelled, “I’m sick of stubbing my toes on these tiny poles everywhere! Get pole of them right now or I’m leaving!” Sadly, Dave chose his poles over his marriage. His wife left him, but Dave said he has no regrets. He happily lives alone now, just him and his poles.
61. Did you hear about the mobster who carved a totem pole to send a message to his enemies? Let’s just say it was a very pointed pole.
62. Police responded to reports of an indecent totem pole who was spotted pole dancing on several neighborhood lawns. Residents described the perp as between 15-20 feet tall, wooden, and “clearly intoxicated.” Authorities eventually apprehended the delinquent pole and charged him with lewd and lacivious behavior.
63. Why don’t mermaids have totem poles? Because they’re pole fish!
64. Did you hear about the beach city that outlawed totem poles? Apparently they had some bad experiences with pole-luters.
65. Why don’t spiders make totem poles? Because they’re more into web-sites!
66. Did you hear about the failed comedian who couldn’t get any laughs with his totem pole jokes? He was really grasping at pole straws.
67. I saw two totem poles playing chess in the park. It was quite the pole match!
68. What’s a totem pole’s favorite day of the week? Fries-pole!
69. Why don’t zombies have totem poles? They prefer Tomb-stones!
70. A family commissioned a master carver to make them a custom totem pole. When it was finished, they noticed he had carved a giant spider at the top with the inscription “NOPE.”
71. What do you call a totem pole that wanders off into the forest? A pole on a stroll!
