Toe Puns
1. I stubbed my toe this morning. It was quite the mis-foot-une.
2. My friend got athlete’s foot between his toes. I told him he needs to focus on his feet more.
3. I was going to tell a toe joke, but it would just be footer thought.
4. Did you hear about the new pedicure place? It offers toe-tally awesome services.
5. I tried to become a professional ballerina, but I just couldn’t get on my tippy toes.
6. I entered a toe wrestling competition last week. It was an intense match between me and my opponent’s big toe.
7. Be careful when getting a pedicure. You don’t want to end up with ugly toematoes.
8. My friend got his toe stuck in a bowling ball. Let’s just say he wasn’t a fan of that toe-pin situation.
9. I stubbed my pinky toe so hard it turned purple. I guess you could say it was a talon-ted toe.
10. Did you hear about the new podiatrist office? People say they have a great foot forward.
11. I was going to tell you a fungal toe joke but it was too cheesy.
12. What do you call a dinosaur with sore feet? A tyrannosaurus rex.
13. Why don’t skeletons like having cold feet? Because they have no body to love.
14. What do you call a big toe that’s lost its sibling? A lack-toes intolerant.
15. Did you hear about the missing toe? Police are still trying to get to the foot of the matter.
Toe One-Liners
16. Podiatrists must have a good understanding of the ins and outs of feet.
17. When it comes to high heels, beauty is foot deep.
18. Athlete’s foot fungus spreads easily in locker rooms – it loves a damp, smelly environment.
19. Reflexology focuses on rubbing and massaging the feet to stimulate overall health and wellbeing.
20. If your feet sweat excessively, wear moisture-wicking socks to help keep them dry.
21. Soaking your feet in warm water with Epsom salt can help reduce foot pain and swelling.
22. Break in new shoes slowly to avoid blisters – don’t wear them for long periods right away.
23. Bunions are bony bumps on the side of the foot that become irritated in shoes that are too narrow.
24. Plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of tissue on the bottom of the foot, causes stabbing heel pain.
25. Ingrown toenails are often caused by improper nail trimming – cut straight across to avoid this.
Best Toe Jokes
26. Jane was excited to show off her new red open-toed heels at the party. However, within an hour she was limping around complaining about pains shooting up her foot. “I told you those shoes would make your toes cramp!” her friend Becky exclaimed. Jane sighed, reluctantly slipping off the heels that were torturing her poor little piggies.
27. Jake loved summer as a kid because it meant he could run around barefoot without his mom nagging him to put on shoes. One particularly hot July day, Jake was climbing a tree in the backyard when he slipped off a branch, landing hard on the ground below. He limped inside crying, his pinky toe now crooked and throbbing with pain. After an x-ray showed it was broken, Jake was fitted with a little cast on his tiny toe. From then on, Jake wasn’t such a fan of the freedom of bare feet during summer playtime.
28. Maria couldn’t wait to put her feet up after a long day of work. Slipping off her uncomfortable high heels, she plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. As she relaxed into the soft cushions, she wiggled her cramped toes happily. Looking down, she noticed her nails were chipped and in need of a fresh coat of polish. Making a mental note to give herself a pedicure before bed, Maria continued unwinding, appreciating the simple pleasure of letting her sore feet finally breathe.
29. Sam had the bright idea to surprise his wife Jenny with breakfast in bed for her birthday. As he quietly pushed open their bedroom door holding a tray loaded with pancakes and coffee, he stubbed his toe painfully on the dresser leg. Sam bit his lip to keep from crying out, but the tray clattered loudly to the ground, ruined food all over the floor. Jenny sat up startled as Sam now yelled out swears, angrily clutching his throbbing toe. Suffice to say, it was not the romantic wake up Jenny would have preferred on her birthday morning.
30. Sue was relaxing poolside on vacation when a huge iguana crawled up and perched itself on her beach chair. Its beady little eyes were focused intensely on Sue’s brightly polished toes. She nervously shooed it away, not wanting those claws or teeth anywhere near her precious pedicure. The persistent iguana crept back over, but Sue kept shaking her foot and yelling “Shoo!” while waiting for someone to come help remove the creepy lizard. After what felt like forever but was only a few minutes, another guest came and grabbed the iguana, to Sue’s great relief. She slid her feet into flip flops for the rest of the day, not taking any chances!
31. For their 10th anniversary, James surprised Tina with a couples spa package that included luxurious pedicures. At the nail salon, the two soaked their feet in bubbling tubs before technicians began scrubbing and massaging them. When the staff brought out bowls of small fish for the “fish pedicure” portion, Tina freaked out and refused to put her feet in the water. Despite James’ reassurance the fish only nibbled off dead skin, Tina couldn’t stand the idea of the creatures swarming her toes. James ended up being the only one to have his feet exfoliated by the tiny fish, providing lots of amusement for the salon staff.
32. Cassie was insecure about her feet, always wearing closed-toe shoes to hide her ugly, misshapen pinky toe. At the beach one day, she nervously took off her sandals, feeling uncomfortable with her toes exposed. She dipped her feet tentatively in the water, trying to ignore the stares of a nearby group of teenagers. “Eww, look at that weird foot!” she heard them giggle. Cassie’s cheeks burned crimson as she quickly gathered her things and scurried off, shoving her feet back into her shoes. After that mortifying experience, Cassie resolved to save up money to finally have surgery to fix the unsightly toe that had plagued her since childhood.
33. Andrew was training for a marathon, pushing himself to run longer distances each day. One afternoon, after completing a 15-mile route, he slipped off his sneakers and immediately knew something was wrong. His socks were bloody and a toenail on his right foot was nearly ripped off. Wincing in pain, Andrew hobbled to the bathroom and gingerly washed the area, dousing it in antiseptic. For the rest of training, he taped up his black and blue toe to avoid any further trauma. The toenail eventually grew back, though it was thick and misshapen from the damage. Andrew proudly displays it as a badge of honor for the grueling training he endured.
34. Jane prepared meticulously for her beach vacation – new swimsuit, cute coverups, and getting a fresh pedicure with bright coral toes. She envisioned long romantic walks hand-in-hand along the shore with her boyfriend Michael. However, their first walk did not go as planned. The sand was scorching hot, making Jane leap around yelping in pain and begging Michael to carry her. He tried valiantly but eventually collapsed under her weight. They had to hobble back to the hotel together, Jane’s dreams of strolling blissfully along the beach ruined by the sensitivity of her pampered feet.
35. Little Susie was so excited to be the flower girl in her aunt’s wedding she could barely stand still. As she walked down the aisle tossing rose petals, Susie suddenly tripped on the hem of her fluffy dress and face planted right there in front of all the guests. Sprawled out on the floor, Susie burst into tears, her nose throbbing. Her mom rushed to scoop her up, comforting her with kisses. Though her pride was wounded, Susie’s toes took the brunt of the fall, her special flower girl shoes mangled beyond recognition. The bride made sure she got an extra large piece of cake after the incident.
More Toe Puns
36. What do you call a foot race between toes? A fun run!
37. Q: Where did the toe go for vacation? A: The Big Toe-Nail!
38. I was going to tell you a fungal toe joke but I didn’t want to spread anything around.
39. What happens to astronauts with smelly feet in space? They planet!
40. Q: Why do feet smell and noses run? A: Because they lack toes!
41. Did you hear about the new pedicure place that just opened? People say they have a great foot forward.
42. I tried to become an Olympic sprinter but I just don’t have enough athletic feet.
43. Q: What is a foot’s least favorite day of the year? A: Toes Day!
More Toe One-Liners
44. Bunions form when the big toe angles in toward the second toe, causing a bump at the joint.
45. Morton’s neuroma is a painful swelling of nerve tissue between the toes, most common between the third and fourth toes.
46. Hammertoes result when toe muscles become unbalanced, forcing the middle joint to buckle and stiffen.
47. Gout causes sudden, severe joint pain often at the base of the big toe when uric acid crystals form.
48. Calluses are thick, hardened layers of skin that develop from repeated friction or pressure.
49. Ingrown nails are more likely to develop in those with very curved or very flat nail beds.
50. Fungal infections thrive in the moist environment of sweaty feet – keep your feet clean and dry.
51. Heel spurs are small, bony outgrowths on the heel bone caused by strain and repeated tearing of foot tissue.
52. Trench foot was common in World War I, caused by feet being immersed in cold water for long periods of time.
Best Toe Short Jokes
53. Karen loved summer as a kid because she could wear flip flops, proudly showing off her toes painted wildly different colors. One year, she painted each toe a neon shade – pink, orange, yellow, green, and purple. Walking down the beach boardwalk, a little boy excitedly yelled “Look Mom, that lady has rainbow toes!” Karen smiled and wiggle her rainbow toes at the boy, making his day.
54. Bill came home limping after a day working construction on ladders. His wife Lily looked at his swollen, purple big toe and immediately knew it was broken. Sure enough, an x-ray confirmed a fracture and Bill spent the next 6 weeks annoyed he couldn’t comfortably wear his steel toe work boots with that bulky splint on his toe.
55. Jenny was nervous on her wedding day as all eyes would be on her walking down the aisle. She took one step and the strap snapped on her expensive stiletto, causing her to face plant right in front of the guests. She finished the walk of shame barefoot, finally reaching her groom whose ghastly black toenails were now in full view.
56. Sam washed his feet after a sweaty hike and was alarmed to see his toes had pruned into terrifying claw-like shapes. He wondered if he was transforming into some swamp creature from steeping his feet too long in the water. After a few minutes, his toes morphed back to normal looking human appendages.
57. Karen loved to garden but noticed her favorite gardening shoes were getting worn out. She saw a sale on clogs at the store and decided to upgrade her footwear. However, the new slippery clogs provided no traction in the dirt and Karen faceplanted into a flowerbed the first time she wore them outside.
58. Andrew’s young son Jacob was fascinated by his dad’s hairy Hobbit-like feet. One day, Andrew dozed off on the couch and woke up to find Jacob had cut tiny faces into all his little toe hairs. Jacob clapped and said “Now your toes are even more like little people, Daddy!”
59. Emily searched everywhere for her lost toe ring from Hawaii but couldn’t find it. She finally discovered the ring months later, buried in the soil of a potted plant. She must have lost it while gardening barefoot and it fell off into the dirt unnoticed!
60. Magda loved teaching her toddler son Luke new words. She held up her foot and slowly said “Toes! Can you say toes?” Luke stared blankly and then pulled off Magda’s sock and tried to eat her toes, slobbering all over her bright purple pedicure.
More Best Toe Jokes
61. Sam was nervous on his first date with Julia and kept bouncing his leg under the table unconsciously. Suddenly, he heard Julia shriek and felt a sharp pain on the top of his foot. When he looked down, he realized his bouncing had vigorously shaken the tablecloth, causing Julia’s wine glass to topple over directly onto his exposed feet and toes in his summer sandals.
62. Janine loved summer and went barefoot as much as possible to show off her cute toes. At an outdoor concert, a bee stung Janine right on the tip of her big toe, instantly turning it red and swollen. She limped around grumbling the rest of the night about how much she hates bees and shoes.
63. Andrew was an avid rock climber and neglected proper toe care from all the time spent in tight shoes. He developed such a painful ingrown toenail it had to be surgically removed. Even once it grew back, that toe nail was thick and jagged, snagging on socks and ruining his pedicures.
64. Tina loved pampering herself with pedicures and experimenting with bright polish colors on her toes. One day she painted them with a sparkly midnight blue shade before a beach vacation. She was happily wiggling her blue toes walking on the sand when suddenly a huge crab came up and pinched her big toe hard. The crab seemed as angry about the flashy blue nails as Tina was about her ravaged pedicure!
