Table Puns
1. I heard two tables got married last weekend. The reception was lovely but the wedding was just so-so.
2. My friend was bragging about his new glass table, but I could see right through it.
3. Did you hear about the angry table who flipped out on his owner? His behavior was totally uncalled for.
4. The picnic table started feeling down so his friends tried to console him. But he brushed them off saying, “I just need some time to table my emotions.”
5. The chef prepared an amazing meal but had no one to share it with. So he set the table for one.
6. I used to have a circular table, but it just wasn’t working out. So I told it, “Let’s end this vicious cycle.”
7. I caught my table trying to run off with the silverware last night. But don’t worry, I managed to turn the tables on him.
8. Did you hear about the clumsy table who kept spilling drinks on people? He had no table manners.
9. My dinner table started levitating the other day. I think it’s trying to raise the stakes.
10. The antique table was feeling old and useless until he realized his vintage style was back in fashion. Talk about a major plot table-twist.
Table One-Liners
11. I asked my table to tell me a joke but it fell flat.
12. My table keeps making bad jokes. I wish it would use some table humor.
13. I told my table it could be anything it wanted when it grew up. It said, “I wooden want to be anything else!”
14. I caught my table gossiping behind my back. What a two-faced piece of furniture!
15. I was putting together a new table but couldn’t figure out the instructions. I needed an expert to table the manual for me.
16. I told my table to turn down the music. It said, “Who do you think you are, the table police?”
17. I asked the casino table if it wanted to hear a joke about poker. It said, “No thanks, the stakes aren’t high enough.”
18. My table keeps wobbling whenever I try to eat on it. I guess it just doesn’t have table manners.
19. I wanted to get rid of my old table, but it begged me to table the motion.
20. My new glass table arrived shattered. Talk about a clear failure in packaging.
Best Table Jokes
21. I was hosting a fancy dinner party but my table refused to set itself. I asked what the problem was, to which it responded, “I will not be tableau!”
22. A family of tables walked into an antique store hoping to find their long-lost grandfather clock. The friendly shopkeeper looked up and said, “Well hello tables and chairs!”
23. Why don’t tables trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
24. My friend got frustrated trying to put together his new table and yelled, “Read the manual!” The table shouted back, “I would if I could pick it up!”
25. A table, chair and lamp walked into a bar. The bartender looked at them puzzled and said, “I feel like there’s a furniture joke here somewhere but I just can’t table it.”
26. What did the table say to the impatient chair? “Don’t rush me, I’m still getting settled.”
27. Why was the table so out of breath? It had been running around all day.
28. I asked my talking table what it wanted to be when it grew up. “A coffee table book about coffee tables of course!” it replied.
29. Why do tables make great detectives? They are always keeping tabs on people.
30. A family of tables opened a restaurant but they didn’t get any customers. Turns out nobody wanted to eat at the periodic table diner.
31. Did you hear about the table who entered himself into a comedy contest? His jokes were pretty wooden but he still managed to furniture the audience.
32. Why did the table get extra cheese on his pizza? Just in queso!