Table Puns (17)
- I was going to get a new table, but decided to table getting a new table for now.
- Our table has a high quality finish. You could even say it’s outstanding in its field.
- I’m thinking of entering my table in a competition. It has a good chance of making it to the finals.
- My table is so polite. It always pulls out chairs for people.
- I was hoping to buy an antique table, but I couldn’t table an offer.
- The furniture store had a going out of business sale. It was the end table.
- I took my broken table back to the store. They gave me another one free of charge!
- I’d tell you a joke about my new table, but it’s counterproductive.
- Our dining table only serves breakfast. You could say it specializes in the first meal of the day.
- I was hoping to buy a table made of Titanic steel, but I just couldn’t table the cost.
- My table is starting an emo band called The Coffee Cramps.
- I entered my table in a strongman competition. I think it has a good chance since it supports over 500 lbs!
- I was hoping my table could become a pastor, but it didn’t have enough spiritual guidance.
- My table started an Instagram account to try and get famous. But it only has a small following.
- I wanted to take my table camping, but it wasn’t very outdoorsy.
- I’d tell you a joke about my table’s favorite beverage but it doesn’t drink anything, it’s an inanimate object!
- I tried to teach my table Spanish, but no matter how much it studies, it still doesn’t speak any language because it’s a piece of furniture!
Table One-Liners (20)
- My table is so orderly, it always clears itself off.
- I wanted to enter my table in a marathon, but it lacked the endurance.
- Don’t interrupt someone when they’re eating, it’s bad table manners!
- I’d tell you a joke about the periodic table but all the good ones Argon!
- My table is studying to become a doctor – its dream is to one day be a surgeon!
- I wanted to take my table fishing but it kept getting caught on the hook!
- What do you call a table that works out? A gym table!
- What do you call a psychic table? A fortune teller!
- I wanted to take my table to the park but it wasn’t very outdoorsy.
- Don’t bother asking the table for fashion advice, it doesn’t wear any clothes!
- My table started an emo band called The Coffee Cramps.
- I entered my table into a strongman competition, it can hold over 500 lbs!
- What do you call a table with good manners? Polite furniture!
- I wanted to take my table stargazing but it wasn’t very astronomy inclined.
- Knock knock! Who’s there? My table because it doesn’t speak or understand human language.
- Don’t ask my table for a hug, it has no arms!
- I’d tell you a joke about wood, but it’s too plane!
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- I wanted to take my table to art classes but it wasn’t very creative.
- My table stays up to date on current events, it’s very well read!
Best Table Jokes (17)
37. I just got an email saying that my table was selected to be featured in a major furniture catalog! I guess you could say it’s outstanding in its field.
38. The other day my table started telling me what to do. I had to put my foot down.
39. My table takes itself way too seriously. It has an inflated ego and can be difficult to support at times.
40. I wanted to teach my table some manners, so I created a step-by-step guide. But no matter what I tried it just wouldn’t table any of my suggestions!
41. I caught my table stealing money out of my wallet the other day. That was the last straw.
42. My table loves listening to music while working. I guess you could say it’s very productive when it has the right beats!
43. Did you hear about the table who drank too much? It stumbled home completely legless!
44. I wanted to play checkers with my table but it wasn’t very good strategically.
45. Why don’t vampires bite tables? Because they have bad stake rates!
46. My table loves telling stories about its glory days. But honestly, most of them seem pretty far fetched!
47. I wanted to take my table to trivia night, but even on furniture topics its knowledge was very limited.
48. Did you hear about the superhero table? It stood up to evil and chaired the city’s new crime prevention task force!
49. I caught my table cheating off my test the other day. Definitely not an ethical piece of furniture!
50. Tried taking my table for a drive but had to pull over – it was being irresponsible in the car seat!
51. I wanted to enter my table in a surfing competition but it lacked balance and coordination.
52. My table stays up way too late every night binge watching TV. I think it might be addicted!
53. This morning I asked my table what was for breakfast but it just gave me the cold shoulder.
54. I wanted to take my table on a hot air balloon ride, but it was scared of heights!