I bought a new stove. It came fully equipped with all the latest features like Wi-Fi and Bluetooth. Now my oven mitts can connect directly to my smart fridge!
What do you call an oven that plays jazz music? A saxophone!
Why was the oven feeling depressed? It had a lot of issues to work through!
Our stove broke so we had to purchase a new one. It cost us an arm and a leg. Now we have to learn how to cook with our feet!
What do you call a stove that tells a lot of dad jokes? A corny burner!
My new stove came with voice control. I asked it to bake me a cake but unfortunately it didn’t have the right appliances!
What do you call an oven that’s feeling shy? An oven-trovert!
I entered my stove in a comedy competition but sadly it didn’t make it past the first round. All of its jokes fell flat.
What do you call an oven that’s been designed by Apple? iBake!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen this brand new stove!
Stove One-Liners
My stove is so advanced, it texts me when dinner’s ready!
Whoever invented the stove – you have a warm place in my heart!
I’m so hungry I could eat everything in my entire stove right now!
Stoves are like ovens but more relaxed and casual.
Quit Stalin and pass the stove!
Be careful, that stove is hotter than Ryan Reynolds!
My stove and I have a very heated relationship.
Stove sweet stove!
Stoves save lives…and dinners!
Stoves: Making people warmer since the 1800s.
Best Stove Jokes
Last week my stove stopped working so I called an appliance repair technician. He took one look at it and said, “Well there’s your problem right there, this stove was made in the 1800s!” Surprised, I looked closer at my antique stove and realized the repair guy was right – my stove still used coal! No wonder it produced so much smoke whenever I tried to cook.
The other day I noticed the temperature dial on my stove was broken. The dial appears to be stuck on 500 degrees fahrenheit. Ever since then, everything I try to bake or cook comes out completely burnt and charred. I think it’s time for me to upgrade to a stove that has working temperature controls, otherwise I’ll be eating coal for dinner every night!
I was running late for an important business meeting yesterday when suddenly my stove made a loud popping noise and all the electricity in my kitchen went out. After inspecting the stove I realized it had blown a fuse. So there I was, frantically digging around my basement searching for a replacement stove fuse by the dim light of my cellphone flashlight. Needless to say, I showed up 20 minutes late to the meeting smelling like a campfire!
My husband loves to experiment in the kitchen. Last night he tried to cook chicken parmesan on our antique gas stove from the 1950s. He turned the stove burner on high and walked away to get ingredients. A minute later the stench of gas filled the house – he had forgotten to first light the stove! After airing out the house for an hour the gas smell finally cleared. But we decided it’s time to look into a modern stove with auto shut off valves before my husband’s cooking literally causes an explosion.
Yesterday I experienced the most bizarre stove malfunction ever. While baking a cake, thick black smoke suddenly started billowing out from the back of my stove. I rushed over and discovered that a mouse had crawled up inside and chewed through some wires. Poor little guy didn’t make it out alive. But at least he died doing what he loved – sabotaging my stove and ruining my cake. Thanks a lot Mr. Mouse!
I recently purchased a brand new state of the art smart stove. This baby has more complex computer components than a Tesla! It’s got built-in sensors, internet connectivity, a digital touch screen, and even its own mobile app. Yesterday I accidentally spilled a glass of wine which trickled down into the stove’s internal hardware. Sparks flew and the entire stove shut down. Now I’ve got a $2,000 high-tech paperweight sitting in my kitchen! Should have just stuck with my reliable old gas stove from the 1990s.
My elderly stove finally broke after 30 years of loyal service. I posted an ad on Craigslist for a free antique stove hoping some collector might want it. A guy responded within an hour offering to take the stove off my hands. When he arrived, we carried the stove out to his beat up van. As he was driving away I noticed an odd smell wafting from the van’s rear doors. Turns out the guy collects stoves to strip for copper parts and sell as scrap metal. What an inglorious end for my poor old stove!
Last week the control panel on my stove stopped working properly. The display kept flashing bizarre symbols and none of the burners would turn on. I checked online and found a replacement control panel for $600! Can you believe that? Highway robbery if you ask me. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. Armed with a screw driver and some copper wire, I rigged up my own janky control panel system. Sure it looks like a 5 year old’s science experiment, but at least my stove works again. Kind of.
My rich cousin just remodeled her kitchen and showed me pictures of her outrageous new smart stove. This ridiculous thing has a built-in camera inside so you can watch your food cook on your iPhone! And it’s got a special self-cleaning oven that apparently uses lasers. Lasers! All so she doesn’t have to lift a finger. My old clunker stove from the 70’s has character. The browned surface on my oven adds flavor to everything I cook. And so what if I have to manually scrub out some baked-on grease now and then. At least my stove and I have a meaningful relationship instead of just passively letting some bougie appliance do everything for me!
I was preheating the oven when suddenly my stove made a weird groaning noise. Next thing I knew, the entire glass stovetop shattered into a million little shards! I forgot a cast iron pan was still sitting on one of the burners. Turns out delicate glass-ceramic and very heavy cookware don’t mix well. It was like a scene from a disaster movie. On the bright side, now I can literally watch my food cook on the stove as the heat escapes through the giant hole where glass used to be!
