43 Funny Stapler Jokes

Stapler Puns

1. I was going to make a joke about staplers, but it was pointless.
2. My stapler identifies as a paper fastener. Who am I to label it?
3. What do you call a lazy stapler? A stableapler!
4. Why can’t staplers join the army? They lack combat training.
5. What do you call a stapler that loves horseback riding? A stable stapler!
6. Why are staplers terrible dancers? They have two left feet!
7. Did you hear about the psychic stapler? It had premonitions.
8. How do staplers stay in shape? They go to the gym and work on their stapleizers!
9. What do you call a stapler that roams the countryside? A rambling stapler!
10. Why can’t you trust a stapler? It’s always bending the truth!
11. What do you call a stapler that works as a farmhand? A stable stapler!
12. Why was the stapler fired from his job? He couldn’t cut it.

Stapler One-Liners

13. I tried to make a joke about a broken stapler but it fell flat.
14. My stapler is very clingy, it just can’t let go of my papers.
15. I stapled my fingers together so I could give myself a high five whenever I wanted.
16. Be careful with that stapler, it has addiction issues and can’t stop binding things together.
17. My stapler thinks it’s better than me because it’s more well-rounded.
18. I caught my stapler stealing office supplies, turns out it had sticky fingers.
19. Beware the killer stapler, it has an intense binding aggression.
20. My electric stapler gets charged up when I use it too much.
21. I told my stapler to make me a sandwich but it just sat there with a blank stare.
22. I put googly eyes on my stapler but it just stared at me, unblinking.

Best Stapler Jokes

23. What do you call a group of hostile staplers? The bind squad. They go around mercilessly binding papers together, refusing to let go. Their leader is a heavy duty model who crushes everything in its path. My documents didn’t stand a chance…
24. So I entered my stapler into one of those talent competition TV shows. When it got on stage, the judges asked “What are you going to perform for us today?” In response, my stapler let out an ear-piercing metallic screech and violently hurled staples into the desk in front of the cringing judges. Needless to say, my stapler didn’t make it past the first round – apparently “psychotic office supplies” isn’t considered a real talent.
25. Last week my stapler suddenly sprang to life and ran off with my neighbor’s chihuahua. Now I’m wanted across three states for aiding and embedding.
26. I was halfway through eating a sandwich when I realized…this stapler is really bland and crunchy, even for whole grain bread. That’s the last time I leave my stapler unsupervised in the break room refrigerator!
27. So a stapler, a hole punch and a roll of tape walk into an office supply store. The shopkeeper looks at them suspiciously and says “…aren’t you guys supposed to be at work right now?”
28. Yesterday my electric stapler tried to have an existential crisis. It kept pressing its own buttons, repeatedly demanding “But why do I bind?? What is my essential purpose??” I couldn’t take it anymore and finally just unplugged the dang thing.
29. What do Alexander the Great and a stapler have in common? They both did a lot of binding in their time.
30. I taught my stapler to fetch, but now it just keeps bringing back scattered paperwork in its mouth.
31. My stapler and I were playing chess when suddenly, right before declaring checkmate, it squirted oil at me and nailed my sleeve to the table. I guess it really wanted to clinch the win.
32. What’s the difference between a cat and a stapler? A cat has its claws on the inside, while most staplers have them on the outside.
33. Why don’t staplers ever seem to fit in? It’s because they’re really just interested in making themselves staple in the office ecosystem.
34. My stapler just started dating the copy machine down the hall. I guess you could say they make quite the binding pair.
35. I asked my stapler what its favorite movie genre was, and it just glared at me silently while chomping its metal jaws. Horror it is then!
36. Yesterday a tiny little elf suddenly emerged from my stapler, grabbed a nearby pen and started scribbling miniature poems across stray Post-it notes. Who knew staplers had muses inside?
37. What happens when a stapler gets arrested and interrogated by the cops? It’s grilled for hours but refuses to crack under the binding pressure.
38. Staplers really hate reading novels. Because, you know, they prefer short stories.
39. My electric stapler is currently taking an anger management class. The assignments include daily affirmation worksheets like “I will not violently bind things without their consent” and “My self-worth is not determined by how many sheets I can pierce.”
40. What’s a stapler’s favorite type of footwear? Steel-toed binding shoes!
41. How are staplers and shepherds similar? They both specialize in corralling things into groups.
42. What do you call a stapler that’s run away to join the circus? An absconding fastener!
43. Why can’t you tell secrets around a stapler? Because they tend to spread things around.
44. What’s a stapler’s favorite day of the week? Binding Friday!
45. Yesterday my stapler suddenly sprouted wings and tried to fly away while making aggressive metallic chirping noises. The entire office just stared at it in stunned silence as it futilely bashed itself against the windows. I probably shouldn’t have fed it after midnight, huh?
46. What kind of shoes do staplers wear? Binding slippers!
47. Why are staplers so nosey? Because they literally get into everyone’s business!
48. How do staplers show affection? Random acts of binding.