Stadium Puns
1. I heard the stadium was going to install some new seats, but it turns out they were just pullin’ my leg!
2. The baseball stadium started selling hot dogs stuffed with mac and cheese. They’re calling them “dog macs” in the stands.
3. Did you hear about the stadium that serves pizza? People say it has the best slices in town!
4. The footballer couldn’t see where he was kicking the ball. He was playing in a field of corns.
5. The safety inspector checked the structural integrity of the stadium by testing its columns. You could say he was a fan of the stands.
6. The fans thought the tickets to the big game would sell out fast. It was pandemonium in the stands.
7. The new stadium installed solar panels to try and boost their power. You could say they were fans of sunlight.
8. The groundskeeper applied fresh white paint to the lines on the field. He wanted to retouch down.
9. The sports commentator got confused trying to read the tiny labels on the stadium diagram. He couldn’t see the stands for the seats!
10. The baseball player was excited about the fancy new locker rooms in the state-of-the-art stadium. He could get used to these new digs in the digs!
Stadium One-Liners
11. This stadium food is so expensive, it feels like highway robbery at every stand!
12. Let me check my account balance at the ATM before going to buy a pretzel at this stadium.
13. These bleacher seats are so uncomfortable I’m ready to make a run for the exit!
14. I spilled mustard on myself at the game… thank goodness for water proof stadium coats!
15. This stadium crew takes forever to clean up after the game, let’s bounce before traffic gets bad.
16. I know the game starts at 7, but with how long the stadium lines are, we better head over at 4!
17. These rabid fans in the front row need to chill before they storm the field and get us all kicked out!
18. The parking lot at this stadium is such a nightmare, we’re better off taking the bus.
19. If I have to hear one more drunk fan yell at the ump, I’m never coming back to this stadium again.
20. They better catch that streaker before he makes it across the field and flashes the whole stadium!
Best Stadium Jokes
21. The football team was desperate to fill seats in their nearly empty stadium. So they started a new promotion where fans got in free if they brought their own chairs!
22. On opening day, the manager of the brand new stadium was showing an investor around. He pointed to the top row and said, “All these seats will be filled for every game.” The investor replied, “Yes, by the opposing team’s fans!”
23. During the big game, two fans were sitting in the nosebleed section of the stadium. One turned to the other and asked, “Which team is down on the field?” His friend replied, “At this height, I can’t even tell what sport they’re playing!”
24. A family of four went to a baseball game but when they got to their seats they realized three of them were broken. The mom complained to the usher, “This is unacceptable, now one of us won’t have a seat!” The usher calmly replied, “Don’t worry ma’am, you can all share the one good seat.”
25. On a beautiful sunny day, an elderly man walked up to the ticket counter of the stadium and asked for the cheapest seat. The agent said, “Sir, you can sit in the open bleachers for $10.” The old man complained, “But I want some shade!” The ticket agent smiled and said, “Then that will be $100 please.”
26. During half time at the big football game, they announced a trivia contest with a $1,000 cash prize for the winner. A man jumped up and shouted, “All right! Let’s get this over with quickly, I desperately need the money!” The stadium went silent for a second before erupting in laughter. The embarrassed man sat back down and said to his friend, “I guess this isn’t the unemployment line.”
27. A diehard fan painted his bald head with his team’s colors and logo for the championship game. He went to his usual stadium seat and was surprised to find someone was sitting there. He yelled, “That’s my seat, I’ve sat here for every home game for the past 15 years!” The guy in his seat shrugged and said, “Well this spot is taken, you’ll have to go paint someone else’s head.”
28. On the day of the big rivalry game, a man went to the packed stadium but couldn’t find any available seats. When he went down to the field, he saw there was plenty of room on the benches. He sat down right next to the home team’s star quarterback. A security guard rushed over and told him, “Sir you can’t sit here, those seats are for the players only.” The man replied, “It’s ok, I just want to sit here for a bit, I’m the team’s new quarterback!”
29. A family was attending their first ever baseball game. The dad and son grabbed food and drinks and were carefully carrying everything to their seats. An impatient fan bumped into the dad, spilling soda all over the rows of people. The dad frowned and said, “Hey buddy, watch it!” The rude fan shot back, “Ah, it’s just soda, that’s why they call it a spill zone.”
30. On the morning after his team won the championship at their home stadium, a hungover superfan couldn’t find his car in the parking lot. He hailed a cab and told the driver his address. The cabbie said, “That’s a fair distance, did you really walk that whole way last night?” The fan replied, “Yeah I did… man, that stadium exit is a lot further from my seat than I realized!”
31. A family got free tickets to sit in the nosebleed section for the big game. The kids were so excited since they had never sat that high up before. But after just a few minutes, they complained they could barely even see the players. The dad laughed and said, “Yeah this is why they call it the nosebleed section! Here’s $20, go get us all binoculars.”
32. On his first time visiting the huge professional football stadium, a tourist from a small town was in awe. He said to his friend, “This field is massive! Our local high school stadium could fit inside here.” His friend laughed and replied, “Yeah and this place can seat over 100,000 fans. Your hometown probably doesn’t even have that many residents!”
33. The stressed out pitcher kept walking batters and putting guys on base. The manager came out to talk to him and said, “Relax son, just focus on the target and throw some strikes. Pretend this is just a small minor league stadium.” The pitcher took a deep breath and replied, “Yeah you’re right skip, I’ll try to ignore the 50,000 screaming fans.”
34. After losing big in the championship, the home team trudged back to the locker room in defeat. One player said, “Man I really thought we were going to win it this year.” Another player cut him off, “Let’s not talk about it now. But if you need me, I’ll be sitting in the parking lot for the next few hours wondering where I parked.”
35. On the opening night of the new luxury stadium, the manager proudly showed off the fancy club seats to a spectator. He bragged, “These seats come with complimentary food and drinks, personal waiters, and the best view.” The man nodded approvingly and said, “I gotta admit, these are nice. But I’d trade it all for just one working bathroom.”
More Stadium Jokes
36. I bought a hot dog at the game and I think it cost more than my actual ticket to get in!
37. This stadium food is so bad it’s criminal. Someone call the concession stand cops!
38. They better catch that streaker before he somersaults naked across the 50 yard line!
39. These rabid fans are out for blood, hopefully security can hold them back if we lose.
40. I know traffic is going to be a nightmare getting out of here, maybe we should just camp out overnight.
41. We’ve been stuck in this merch shop line for 20 minutes, we’re going to miss kick off!
42. Let me sip some overpriced water before screaming myself hoarse at this game.
43. These bleacher seats are murder on my back, next time we’re splurging for cushy recliners!
44. I know parking was $50 but can you believe they charged $25 just to tailgate?!
45. We better do some stadium sprints up these ramps to our nosebleed seats!
