Squirrel Puns (10)
1. Why was the squirrel always snacking? He was just being a little nuts!
2. The police were trying to catch a criminal squirrel. It was quite the nut chase.
3. Why don’t squirrels like online shopping? There are never enough nuts in the packages.
4. Why are squirrels bad at sharing? They’re shellfish creatures.
5. Why do squirrels make good tree climbers? They take every opportunity to get a head.
6. Why do squirrels like doing yoga? It helps strengthen their nut chakra.
7. Why was the squirrel fired from his banking job? He was caught embezzling nuts.
8. Why are squirrels so good at hide and seek? They’re expert tree-ters.
9. The squirrel got in trouble for talking during class. His teacher said to zip his lip and stop chattering.
10. The squirrel was excited to go to the big dance. She couldn’t wait to wear her funky fur coat.
Squirrel One-Liners (12)
11. I asked my squirrel friend how he was doing, he said, “Oh I’m just squirrelin’ away.”
12. My favorite squirrel is named Deez Nuts.
13. What do you call an angry squirrel? A fur-ocious nutter.
14. Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans? Their nuts won’t fit.
15. What do you call a sleepy squirrel? A slumbe-nut.
16. Why are squirrels never afraid? They always know they have nuts of steel.
17. How does a squirrel keep his fur looking great? With excellent grooming nuts.
18. What do you call a crazy female squirrel? A nut-case.
19. My squirrel friend is addicted to spicy foods. He’s quite the hot tamale.
20. I wanted to teach my pet squirrel to talk but he was a bit skittish.
21. What did the police officer say to the mischievous squirrel? “Freeze, dirt bag!”
22. Squirrels may gather nuts but they’ll never be as nutty as me.
Best Squirrel Jokes (42)
23. A police officer sees a squirrel jumping between trees next to the road. He pulls over and yells “Show me your hands!” The squirrel complies. The officer frisks him and finds a bag of nuts. “Aha, drug possession!” The squirrel cries “But officer those are just my nuts!” The officer replies, “Alright buddy, tell it to the judge.”
24. A man takes his pet squirrel to the bar with him one day. The bartender sees this and says “Hey buddy, we don’t allow squirrels in here.” The man argues “But this is a very clean, well-dressed squirrel.” The bartender responds “It doesn’t matter, rules are rules.” The man reluctantly takes his squirrel and leaves. A few minutes later the squirrel rushes back into the bar on its own. Jumps up on a stool, waves the bartender down and says “I’d like a martini please.” The bartender is astonished. “Wow, I’ve never seen a squirrel order a drink.” The squirrel nods. “Yeah I just got out of rehab.”
25. Why don’t squirrels like taking selfies? They prefer to be anon-a-nuts.
26. A man trapped a pesky squirrel that had been stealing from his bird feeder. He decided to keep it as a pet. His friend asked how the squirrel was adapting to domestic life. The man replied “Oh he’s still a bit nuts but we’re working on it nut by nut.”
27. Did you hear about the new online store for upscale squirrel products? It’s quite swank, they even have monocled butlers who deliver jars of gourmet nuts. It’s called Squirrel Prime.
28. A man found an injured baby squirrel and nursed it back to health. They formed a close bond and he decided to keep it. His friend asked if the pet squirrel was still a bit wild. The man said “No way, now he’s totally nuts about me.”
29. Why are squirrels terrible fire fighters? Because when the alarm bell rings they just hide their nuts and run away.
30. What do you call an elite squad of squirrels trained in espionage? Covert rodents.
31. Why couldn’t the squirrel become an Uber driver? His driving was too nutty.
32. A man sees a squirrel desperately gathering nuts on the side of the road. He asks “What’s wrong little guy?” The squirrel cries “It’s my uncle! He’s terribly ill and the only cure is squirrel pie made with 50 nuts.” The man replies “I’m sorry to hear that. But why are you gathering 100 nuts then?” The squirrel says “Because I need pie for myself too.”
33. Why do squirrels prefer being assertive and direct? They favor being frank and nutty versus beating around the bushy tail.
34. Did you hear about the new self-help book for sad squirrels? It’s called “The Nut Cracker: Overcoming Depression One Acorn at a Time.”
35. What do you call crime-fighting superhero squirrels? The Nut Crackers.
36. Why couldn’t the hyperactive squirrel sit still? He was completely nutters.
37. Did you hear about the dieting squirrel who only ate nuts on cheat days? His friends said he was nuts but it really worked, the extra bushy tail just fell right off.
38. Why are squirrels so good at science and math? It’s just basic algebra to them.
39. How do squirrels accessorize? With bling nuts.
40. What happens when a squirrel keeps interrupting his friends? He drives them nuts.
41. Why don’t acrobat squirrels perform in the rain? It makes the nuts slippery.
42. What’s a squirrel’s favorite musical note? B nut.
43. Why do squirrels love karaoke night at the bar? It gives them a chance to go nuts on the mic.
44. Why do squirrels have trouble losing weight? They’re addicted to fatty nuts.
45. What do you call two squirrels fighting over a nut? Squirrely combat.
46. Why are squirrels only able to focus for short periods of time? They’re easily distract-nuts.
47. What do you call a chubby squirrel? A real chunky monkey.
48. Why are squirrels the best comedians? Their routines are full of nutty jokes.
49. Why did the squirrel get kicked out of school? He was caught chewing nuts during class.
50. What happens when squirrels take up meditation? They achieve inner nutness.
51. Why did the squirrel refuse to share his nuts during the winter? He was being completely nutshellfish!
52. What did the frustrated squirrel say when he couldn’t find any nuts? “Nuts to this!”
53. Why was the squirrel voted “Most Eccentric” in high school? He was a total nut job.
54. What do you call an environmentally conscious squirrel? A green nut.
55. Why are squirrels so popular at parties? Because they go nuts on the dance floor.
56. How does a squirrel party? By going completely nuts all night long.
57. What’s a squirrel’s favorite workout? Tree climbing, it really works the nut sack.
58. Why did the police arrest the dancing squirrel? He was charged with public nutsiness.
59. What do you call a squirrel who does karate? A black nut belt.
60. Why do squirrels make great therapists? They’re fantastic nut-listeners.
61. What’s a squirrel’s favorite TV show? America’s Next Top Nut Model.
62. Why are squirrels the most energetic animals? They’re high on their own supply of nuts.
63. What do you call a group of partying squirrels? A nut rave.
64. What happens when squirrels eat spicy salsa? Their tails get fired up!
