Sock Puns
1. I tried to come up with a sock pun, but couldn’t foot the bill.
2. What did one sock say to the other sock? I’ve got you covered!
3. I asked my sock if it was feeling sad. It said, “Yeah, I’m feeling a little down today.”
4. Want to hear a joke about socks? Nah, it would just be socksual harassment.
5. Did you hear about the sock who loved to read mystery novels? He was really in-toe them!
6. I entered my sock in a comedy competition but sadly, it didn’t make the cut.
7. Why don’t socks make good comedians? Because their jokes stink.
8. What did the sock say when it grew up? I want to be a stocking!
9. Why was the sock so restless at night? It had too much energy in its sole.
10. Did you hear about the psychic sock? It could predict the footure.
11. Did you hear about the angry sock? It was in a state of sock and awe.
12. How does a sock get drunk? It goes on a binge-toe.
Sock One-Liners
13. I relish the moments I spend with you. You really are the mustard to my sock.
14. They told me to give up my sock collection. But you know what they say about old habits…they die hard.
15. Socks before or socks after? That is the footwear question.
16. My sock drawer is like a bag of trail mix – it has a fair amount of nuts!
17. Don’t be blue, sock. Everything’s going to be alright.
18. Doctor, will I be able to sock again after the procedure? Yes, the sockotomy went very well.
19. Well sock me sideways and call me footsy!
20. You can lead a sock to water, but you can’t make it drink.
21. I never sausage a crazy sock in all my life!
22. They told me I’d never amount to anything more than a sock. But look at me now – I’m a stocking!
Best Sock Jokes
23. One day, Little Johnny was late to school because he couldn’t find his socks. When the teacher asked him why he was late, Little Johnny replied, “I couldn’t find my socks anywhere. I looked all over – under the bed, in the hamper, even inside the refrigerator. But I just couldn’t seem to foot them.”
24. A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. When the bartender brought it, the man asked, “Hey buddy, do you think you could give me another sock?” Confused, the bartender said, “You mean another beer?” The man shook his head and said, “Nope. I need another sock. You see, when I left the house today I was in such a hurry I accidentally put on two different pairs of socks. And it is driving me crazy having on two mismatched socks!”
25. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of wine, they retired to their tent for the night. Some hours later, Holmes woke up Watson and said, “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.” Watson looked up at the night sky and said, “I see millions of stars.” Holmes then asked, “And what does that tell you?” Watson thought for a minute before responding, “Astronomically, it tells me there are countless galaxies and planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that it is about 3:15am. Theologically, I see that God is omnipotent and we are small and insignificant. And meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes looked at Watson incredulously and said, “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
26. A policeman pulled a car over and walked up to the driver’s window. “Do you know why I pulled you over today?” the cop asked. “I’m afraid I don’t, officer,” the driver responded. The policeman said, “You failed to stop at that last stop sign. But I’m going to let you off with just a warning. One thing before I go – I noticed your socks don’t match. The left one is green and the right one is blue. You should really wear matching socks.” The driver looked down at his feet and said, “Officer, I have a very good explanation for why my socks don’t match. You see, I lost my leg in an accident a few years ago and ever since, whenever I buy socks, I always make sure to buy two pairs that don’t match. That way, if I ever lose a sock in the wash, I know the single sock left over will still have its original partner to wear.” The policeman was so touched by the man’s story that he wrote him a ticket for $100. The driver was confused and asked why he was getting a ticket. The cop smiled and said, “The ticket is for wearing mismatched socks in public – which is a violation of city ordinance 1238B.”
27. A man with a sock puppet on his hand went to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, “Before we begin, you’re going to have to get rid of that sock puppet.” The man became defensive and said, “But doc, this sock puppet is the reason I’m here. He’s the one with the problem!” The psychiatrist nodded and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t counsel a sock.” The man reluctantly removed the sock puppet from his hand. He then began speaking in a high-pitched voice, as if the sock puppet was still there. “Well, my name is Johnny Socko and I have terrible anxiety! I’m always afraid I’m going to be paired with a shoe that doesn’t fit me or get lost in the dryer.” The psychiatrist interrupted him and said, “Enough! I told you to get rid of the sock puppet.” The man pointed to his bare hand and said, “But doc, he is gone. My sock puppet ain’t here no more.”
28. A guy walked into a bar wearing a giant sock puppet over his right hand. He sidled up to the counter and ordered a drink. The bartender poured his drink and said, “That sure is an ugly looking puppet you’ve got there. Why do you wear that thing?” The man replied, “Oh this old sock? My therapist suggested I put a sock in it, so I did.”
29. Did you hear the one about the antisocial sock? He was such a loner he never left his feet.
30. Why are bad socks never lonely? Because they always have a hole for each toe!
31. I was folding laundry the other day when I discovered a hole in my favorite sock. I guess you could say it left me quite beside myself.
32. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
33. My friend was addicted to drinking brake fluid. When I asked him to stop, he said “I can stop any time.”
34. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there’s no atmosphere.
35. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
36. Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? It’s two tired.
37. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
38. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
39. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
40. Last night I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. It was just a Fanta sea.
41. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
42. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
43. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.