Smart Phone Puns (10)
1. I tried to grab my phone but mistook it for my clock. I guess you could say I had alarm issues.
2. My friend was bragging about his new smartphone’s camera quality. I told him not to get too pixelated.
3. I entered my phone in a beauty pageant. It was definitely the fairest of them all.
4. I dropped my smartphone into a river in Egypt. Now it’s my Cairo phone.
5. I was going to get the latest smartphone but decided to pass. I don’t need the newest model every time they release it. I’m not that cell-ular.
6. My smartphone battery lasted for two whole days without charging. It was a battery record.
7. I got frustrated trying to set up my new smartphone so I threw it against the wall. I guess you could say I had some technical difficulties.
8. My friend hates that I’m always on my smartphone. I told him to get off my case.
9. I entered my smartphone into a wrestling competition. It easily pinned down all the other phones.
10. I dropped my smartphone into a river in Greece. Now it’s my Europe phone.
Smart Phone One-Liners (10)
11. I use my smartphone so much, it’s basically my hand attachment at this point.
12. My smartphone battery life is almost as short as my attention span.
13. I don’t have a smartphone addiction. I can stop whenever I want, I just don’t want to stop right now.
14. My smartphone is like my best friend, except it actually listens to me.
15. I love when my smartphone autocorrects to something ridiculous so I can blame it instead of admitting I can’t spell.
16. I dropped my smartphone and the screen shattered, much like my hopes and dreams.
17. Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning smartphone scroll.
18. My smartphone is the only thing keeping me sane… which is probably not a good thing.
19. I remember when phones were just for calling people. Those were dark times.
20. If 2021 was a smartphone, it would be cracked in 27 different places.
Best Smart Phone Jokes (18)
21. My friend always brags about his new expensive smartphone. I told him one day “Okay, you have a nice phone, we get it. Now can you please stop rubbing it in our faces!”
22. I was running late to an important meeting so I decided to take an Uber. The driver was on his phone the whole time, texting and swiping away. At one point we almost got into an accident because he was so distracted. I said “Hey! Can you pay attention to the road please?? I need to get to this meeting!” He said “Sorry man, just give me a minute, I need to finish this Candy Crush level.”
23. My parents surprised me with the latest iPhone for my birthday. At first I was really excited but then I quickly realized they just wanted to be able to track my location at all times. The phone ended up “mysteriously” falling into a lake about a week later. Oops!
24. I saw two guys aggressively yelling at each other on the street. Just as it was escalating into a fight, one guy’s phone rang. He immediately stopped arguing and answered the phone super politely saying “Hello this is Mike.” After a brief call, he hung up and then continued shouting and swearing at the other guy where he left off without missing a beat.
25. My friend is so obsessed with social media that when his smartphone broke, he had withdrawal symptoms within an hour. He was super cranky and agitated, pacing around muttering “must check notifications… need dopamine hit…” I told him to relax and try reading a book instead. He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
26. A man walked into a phone repair shop and slammed his phone down on the counter in frustration. He told the technician “I can’t get this stupid phone to stop autocorrecting everything I type! It’s driving me crazy!” The technician picked up the phone and said “OK, show me what’s wrong.” The man tried to type “I went to the zoo” but it autocorrected to “I want to consume the souls of the innocent.” The technician slowly looked up and backed away towards the security alarm.
27. My smartphone’s battery died while I was lost hiking and trying to use the GPS. I wandered around for hours until I came across a couple who gave me directions. When I finally made it back to my car, I immediately grabbed my phone charger and hugged it, whispering “never leave me again.”
28. During a job interview, the interviewer asked me what my greatest weakness was. I told him “I tend to get too distracted by my smartphone.” He laughed and said “That’s not a weakness at all! I’m on mine all the time during work!” I stood up and said “Well this obviously isn’t the right fit then.”
29. A man had a painful papercut on his finger but no bandaids, so he used his smartphone screen protector as an impromptu bandaid. A few days later when peeling it off, he accidentally factory reset his phone and lost all his data. Talk about adding insult to injury.
30. My friend always ignores people when she’s on her smartphone. Last week a guy was trying to ask her out but she was so focused on texting she didn’t even notice him. I nudged her and said “Hey! This guy is trying to talk to you!” She looked up confused and said “Huh? When did he get here?” The guy said “Yeah… nevermind” and awkwardly walked away.
31. I saw a guy using his smartphone while driving through a school zone. I yelled “Get off your phone, you’re going to hit a kid!” He shouted back “Don’t tell me how to drive!” and immediately rear-ended the car stopped in front of him. Shocking.
32. A family sat down for dinner but everyone was distracted by their smartphones. The dad proclaimed “New family rule! No phones at the dinner table!” The kids shrugged, continued texting, and mumbled “Ok boomer.” Clearly this was going to be an uphill battle.
33. A woman was walking down a busy street staring at her smartphone when she suddenly fell into an open sewer manhole. She climbed out covered in muck and announced “I was just reminded why I need to look up and pay attention when walking. I learned that the hard way.”
34. My smartphone’s battery died right as I was taking a breathtaking photo of the sunset. I shook my fist at the sky and yelled “NOOOOOO!” Dramatic? Yes. Called for? Also yes.
35. A man kept checking his smartphone every two minutes during a date. The woman got annoyed and said “Are you even interested in me or just your phone??” The man looked up confused and said “I’m sorry, what? I stopped listening awhile ago.” Suffice to say, there was no second date.
36. I saw a suspicious man following people while staring intently at his smartphone. I quickly realized he was probably using the phone’s camera to take photos of unsuspecting strangers. So I “accidentally” spilled my drink all over his phone as I walked past. Oopsie!
37. I went camping to escape technology and enjoy nature. But I couldn’t stop looking at my smartphone out of habit. After two days I got so fed up that I just threw the phone into the lake and felt an immense sense of freedom. Take that, social media addiction!
38. A man kept checking his smartphone during his friend’s wedding ceremony instead of focusing on the event. Finally the bride turned around and gave him an icy stare until he slowly put the phone away in shame. Lesson learned!
39. A woman was always on her smartphone, even around her family and friends. One day her little daughter asked sweetly “Mommy, do you love your phone more than me?” That was a serious wake up call that things needed to change.
40. My smartphone fell out of my pocket while I was hiking and tumbled 200 feet down a rocky cliff. I stared in shock before dramatically yelling “NOOOOOO!!!” to the heavens. The moral of the story – leashes for phones need to become a thing.
41. I went to an art museum with a friend who was glued to his smartphone the whole time taking pictures of the paintings instead of just enjoying them in the moment. I said “Can you please put the phone away and actually look at the art?” He responded “I am looking! I’m capturing every detail!” I facepalmed so hard I nearly knocked myself unconscious.
42. A guy proposed to his girlfriend during a romantic candlelit dinner, but she was too busy live-tweeting the whole thing on her smartphone to even notice. She finally looked up and saw the ring box and said “Wait did you just propose??” Moral of the story: be present!
43. A woman was eating dinner with her family but was distracted by her phone and not partaking in any conversation. Her daughter asked “How was your day today?” Without glancing up she replied “Good” and continued scrolling. Her family all shared a look that conveyed how unfortunately common this scene had become.
44. Two friends were hanging out together but both were absorbed by their smartphones and sat in silence. Hours went by before one finally said “Are we just not going to talk at all?” The other looked up confused and replied “Oh I forgot you were here!” The smartphones were politely put away after that.
45. A man fell asleep with his smartphone in his hand. He woke up the next morning to realize in horror that he had pocket dialed his ex-girlfriend sometime during the night and left a 3 hour long voicemail of him snoring. He screamed so loud his neighbors called the police to report hearing someone get murdered.
46. A woman was totally focused on taking the perfect Instagram-worthy photo of her coffee when she accidentally knocked the cup off the table, spilling it everywhere. She then slipped in the puddle and faceplanted onto the ground. I guess you could say she was… grounded.
47. Two people were having dinner together and spent the entire time staring at their smartphones in silence. At the end of the meal, one finally looked up and asked “So how do you think that went?” The other responded “Oh I thought it went well! Nice chatting with you!” And they never hung out again.
48. I saw a guy walk face first into a light pole because he was looking at his phone instead of watching where he was going. He fell to the ground and exclaimed “I LITERALLY just got this phone fixed from the last time I cracked the screen by walking into something!” Some people just never learn.
49. A guy kept sneaking out his smartphone during a wedding ceremony, thinking he was being subtle. Suddenly, the priest stopped mid-vow, looked right at him, and said “Sir, please put that phone away or I’ll be forced to marry you to that device for life.” The phone quickly disappeared.
50. A girl’s smartphone kept blowing up with text notifications during a date. The guy asked “Are you even interested in our conversation or should I just let you two be alone?” She smiled apologetically before throwing her phone in her purse and saying “The phone is now off for the rest of the night!”
