Sloth Puns
1. What do you call a three-toed sloth who is running late? A slow-poke!
2. Why don’t sloths ever win races? They’re always slothful at the starting line.
3. I wanted to tell my sloth joke faster but it was too slow-moving.
4. What do you call a sloth who works as a psychologist? A sloth-analyst!
5. Why don’t sloths make good sailors? They are too slow at raising the anchors!
6. Why don’t sloths make good builders? They take forever to nail things down.
7. What do you call a lazy sloth? A slowth!
8. Why are sloths so bad at riding bikes? They are always pedaling slothfully.
9. Why did the sloth get fired from the calendar factory? He took too long to make dates!
10. What do you call a sloth who won the lottery? A wealth-loth!
11. Why do sloths make bad lawyers? They take too long to file motions!
12. Why was the sloth valedictorian of his class? He was slow and steady until the end.
Sloth One-Liners
13. I bought my sloth a Fitbit but he barely registers any steps.
14. My sloth is so slow, we play Monopoly by post.
15. I tried to take my sloth for a walk but people kept thinking she was a tree.
16. My sloth is so lazy, when I say “time to get up” she just hits the snooze button.
17. I wanted to race my sloth but it was a slow marathon.
18. I tried dressing my sloth up for Halloween but he just stayed in his sloth costume.
19. My sloth is actually the Flash disguised as a sloth.
20. I wanted my sloth to help clean but she said “I’ll get around to it eventually.”
21. My sloth is writing his memoir but is only up to page 1 after 10 years.
22. I tell my sloth jokes but he laughs in slow motion.
Best Sloth Jokes
23. A man went to the zoo and visited the sloth exhibit. He watched as the sloth hung upside down from a tree branch, barely moving. After 15 minutes, the man yelled, “Come on! Do something!” The sloth turned its head slowly and said, “Hey buddy…I just work here.”
24. A sloth walked into a bar and said to the bartender “I’ll have a beer please, but make it snappy!” The bartender replied “You’ll get it, but I won’t make it snappy.”
25. What’s the difference between a sloth and a squirrel? A squirrel can actually finish a thought before the Ice Age ends.
26. A fast-talking salesman tried to sell a sloth some encyclopedias. He gave his whole high-speed sales pitch but the sloth just stared at him. Finally the sloth raised his hand and said “I’ll take the set.” The salesman was thrilled and started filling out the paperwork. He handed it to the sloth who very slowly signed his name and handed it back. The salesman looked at the form and saw the sloth had signed “No Thanks.”
27. A sloth and snail entered a bar and raced to the counter. The snail won.
28. Did you hear about the new streaming service called SlothFlix? It’s still only showing movies from the 1980s.
29. Why are sloths so good at playing the bass guitar? They have natural slow hands.
30. A sloth was bragging to his friends about how fast he was. “I’m telling you guys, I’m the Usain Bolt of sloths!” His friends just looked at him and said “Whatever you say, buddy. Whatever you say.”
31. A sloth, turtle and snail decided to enter a triathlon. When they crossed the finish line a week later, everyone cheered for the winner: the sloth.
32. What do you call a three-toed sloth that can play the drums? Slow Poke on the beat!
33. Why don’t sloths like fast food? It goes right through them.
34. What do you call a sloth who cut you off in traffic? A road slowth.
35. Why are sloths so bad at baking cakes? They take too long to mix the batter.
36. What’s the difference between a sloth and a glacier? One is extremely slow, the other is a river of ice.
37. Why don’t sloths make good taxi drivers? You get there faster by walking.
38. What’s the sloth’s motto? Don’t rush me!
39. How do you know when a sloth is under stress? He’s biting his nails at a slightly faster pace.
40. Why do sloths make great spy agents? They are masters of slowveillance.
41. What do you call a sloth who does karate? A slow-ja.
42. Why was the sloth fired from the pit crew? He kept slowing down the race cars.
43. Why did the sloth cross the road? Give me a minute, I’ll get to the other side eventually.
44. How do sloths send packages overnight? They send them a week ago.
45. What’s a sloth’s favorite movie genre? Sloth-paced thrillers.
46. What do you call a lazy baby sloth? A sloth potato.
47. What do you call a sloth who loves solving mysteries? Sher-sloth Holmes.
48. Why did the sloth get kicked out of the book club? He was always 12 chapters behind.
49. What do you call a sloth who does magic tricks? A sloth-of-hand.
50. Why couldn’t the sloth become a doctor? He kept failing the reflex tests.
51. What do you call a sloth who loves music? DJ SlothMotion.
52. Why are sloths so bad at basketball? They take too long to dribble down the court.
53. How do you motivate a sloth? Give them a slo-gan like “You can do it…eventually!”