Shoe Puns
1. I wanted to make puns about shoes, but none of them really tied together.
2. What do you call shoes made from a rubber tree? Sneakers!
3. Why are slippers so lazy? They shuffle around all day.
4. My friend got in trouble for cheating on a test. I guess he should have used his thinking shoes.
5. I entered a contest for who could tell the corniest shoe pun, but none of them were winners.
6. Did you hear about the new online shoe store? It has great web sites!
7. I can’t believe I got fired from the shoe factory. They said I just wasn’t cutting it.
8. I wanted to tell a joke about a pair of flats, but it completely fell flat.
9. The shoemaker was arrested for stealing. I guess he got off on the wrong boot.
10. Why did the shoe factory get shut down? It was running a little heel business on the side.
11. My friend got mad when I called his new shoes ugly. I guess he took it as an insult to his sole.
12. I entered my dog in a talent show for wearing shoes on his hind legs, but he got the boot.
Shoe One-Liners
13. I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious when I walk under a ladder in new shoes.
14. They say the shoe fits when you’re Cinderella, but for me it’s always too tight at the ball.
15. My shoelaces untie themselves just to spite me.
16. These shoes are so uncomfortable, it feels like I’m walking on broken glass slippers.
17. I’m saving up for some expensive Italian loafers so I can really be livin’ la vida mocha.
18. Let me tie your shoelaces for you…just kidding, I don’t want to be lace-ing in your affairs.
19. I was going to polish my shoes, but I can never seem to shoehorn it into my schedule.
20. My shoes are having an existential crisis wondering if they’re truly high heels or just tall posers.
21. I wish I could wear heels, but sadly I lack arch support.
22. My shoes were untied, but thankfully I caught it just in time to avoid a slip up.
Best Shoe Jokes
23. A man walked into a shoe store looking to buy a new pair of shoes. The salesman brought out multiple options, but each time the man tried on a pair he shook his head saying they were too tight. After bringing out what felt like every shoe in the store, the exasperated salesman finally said, “Sir, it might help if you take off those wool socks before trying on shoes.”
24. Three friends, Mr. Nike, Mr. Adidas, and Mr. New Balance went out for lunch one day. Mr. Nike and Mr. Adidas split the bill, but Mr. New Balance was a little short to cover his portion. His friends told him not to worry about it and picked up the extra cost, to which he replied, “Thanks guys, I owe you one!”
25. A boot, a sneaker, and a high heel are in a bar having drinks. The boot says to the bartender, “Can I get another beer, please?” The sneaker then says, “I’ll take a shot of whiskey.” Lastly, the high heel says, “I’ll have some wine, in a tall glass.” The bartender then asks, “Why the long pour?”
26. Why don’t shoes ever get sick? Because they have good soles!
27. Why are slippers always so optimistic? Because they’re full of happy feet!
28. Why was Cinderella kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball.
29. Why did the shoemaker go out of business? Because he refused to make boots for the army, he was a pacifist.
30. How do you make shoes sparkle? You use shoe- dazzle!
31. Why do shoes hate going to the dentist? Because they get drilled!
32. What do you call shoes made from bananas? Slippers!
33. Why don’t eggs and shoes mix? Because it makes an omelette!
34. What do you call a shoe-eating monster? A shoe-bee-doo!
35. Why did the shoe go to heaven? It had good soles!
36. What’s brown and sounds like a sneaker? A Sandy shoe!
37. Why did the shoe not do well on the spelling test? It had poor orthography!
38. Why are Nike shoes always cool? Because they just do it!
39. Why did the shoe shop close down? It ran out of sole!
40. My shoes and I broke up. I guess we aren’t sole mates after all.
41. What’s a shoe’s least favorite part of the day? The heel of the evening.
42. Did you hear about the mobster whose shoe business failed? He got rubbed out!
43. I wanted to tell a shoe joke on stage but I got cold feet.
44. Why are shoes the most charitable? Because they support many soles!
45. What do you call a shoe made of chewing gum? A sneaker chewer!
46. Why did the athlete’s shoes smell so bad? Because they were gym shoes!
47. What did the shoemaker name his shop? The Hole in One Boot Company!
48. Why do slippers always fall asleep? They are lazy shoes!
49. Did you hear about the mobster who left the shoe business and became a baker? He went from making loafers to making loaves!
50. Why do shoes keep getting stolen during gym class? People just want to sneak a peek!
51. Why did the shoe need a vacation? It was getting the boot all day at work!
52. Did you hear about the shoemaker who passed away? His soles got worn out.
53. Why do shoes make bad politicians? They always flip-flop on the issues!
54. What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad sandals!
55. Why was the shoemaker arrested? He was caught cobbling together fake shoes!
56. What do you call shoes made of jelly? Jellies!
57. My shoes told me they needed to talk. I guess we need to have a little sole-searching discussion.
58. What happens to shoes when you throw them in a fire? They become toast!
59. What do you get when you cross a shoe with a song? Soul-tunes!
60. Why don’t shoes get lost? They always know their way around soles!
61. Did you hear the one about the shoemaker who was addicted to soup? He really liked hanging out in the stock-ing!
62. Why did the shoemaker go out of business? His business model had no sole!
63. Did you hear about the new social media app for shoes? It’s called Shoetube!
64. Why don’t shoes tell secrets? They keep them on the down low.
65. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
66. My shoes and I are fighting. I guess we have some unresolved shoe-sues.
67. What did the left shoe say to the right shoe? Don’t look now but there’s a heel following us!
68. What do you call a shoe made of string? A slip knot!
69. Why do shoes make good detectives? They always get their foot in the door.
70. What do you call shoes that are sad? Blue suede shoes.
71. Why didn’t the shoes want to race? They couldn’t get their laces tied!
72. Did you hear about the shoemaker who studied karate? He became an expert at shoe-toku!
73. Why do slippers always cheat at card games? Because they are slippery shoes!
74. What do you call shoes from New Zealand? Kiwi sneakers!
75. Why was the shoe happy on Easter? It got to go on an egg hunt!
76. Did you hear about the monastery full of shoemaking monks? It was full of holy slippers!
77. Why are shoes so forgetful? Because they lace concentration!
78. What kind of shoes do cats wear? Purr-flops!
79. Why did the tennis shoes take up jogging? To stay in shape!
80. What do you call shoes that give good massages? Moccasins!
81. Why was the shoemaker arrested for crafting boots? He was caught bootlegging!
82. Did you hear about the shoes who fell in love? They became sole mates!
83. What do you call dangerous shoes? Steel-toed boots!
84. Why do shoes make the best actors? Because they know how to walk in someone else’s shoes!