Sheep Puns (20)
1. What do you call a sheep who tells jokes? A baaad comedian.
2. Why don’t sheep like fast food? They prefer to take it baaalamb.
3. How do sheep stay connected? They use their wool wide web.
4. Why are sheep good at solving math problems? They are pretty good at wool-ving problems.
5. What do you say to chilly sheep? “Warm wool-come!”
6. Where do sheep go on Friday nights? To the baaaar.
7. Why did the sheep quit his job? He didn’t get along with his baaass.
8. What do you call a grumpy sheep? A baaaad attitude.
9. Why don’t sheep ride roller coasters? They’re afraid they’ll get fleeced.
10. Why do sheep make great spies? Because they blend in with the herd.
11. What do you call a sheep who solves mysteries? Sherlock Woolmes.
12. Why don’t sheep play card games? They only know Ewe-ker.
13. What do you call sheep who cut hair? Baaabers.
14. How do sheep stay up to date on current events? They read the baaanews.
15. Why don’t sheep water ski? They don’t like getting fleece wet.
16. How do sheep get their mail? From the baaamailman.
17. What kind of music do sheep listen to? Raaap music.
18. Why do sheep hate getting their picture taken? They’re camera sheep.
19. What do you call a sheep who won’t leave? A cling-on baaaaby.
20. Why don’t sheep like fast fashion brands? They prefer slow woolk.
Sheep One-Liners (20)
21. I was feeling sheepish after accidentally eating my friend’s sandwich.
22. That sheep looks ready for shearing season with all that wool!
23. Come back! Don’t go running off without telling your mother, you little lamb!
24. If you come home late again, you’re grounded mister – quit acting like a black sheep!
25. I called out sick from work today by putting on my best sick voice – had to pull the wool over my boss’ eyes.
26. Stop following me around – I’m not your mother sheep!
27. Look, a sheep getting a haircut – guess you could call it a baaad trim!
28. That sheep farmer must make a fortune selling all that wool – his bank account’s loaded with sheepskin!
29. I bet that sheep feels naked after getting sheared – like a fleeced creature!
30. No, you can’t keep a sheep as a pet! This isn’t Old MacDonald’s farm.
31. Make sure to count those sheep twice – don’t want any woolly numbers.
32. Watch out, that sheep’s ready to charge! He must have a baaad attitude.
33. Aww, look at that little lamb – so sweet and innocent, a real baaabe in wool.
34. Quit goofing off! Enough horsing around like a silly billy goat.
35. Shhh, keep it down! No need to get your fleece in a bunch.
36. Look at that herd – safety in numbers for those sheeple.
37. Baahahaha! That was a great sheep joke – had me in stitches!
38. Make like a sheep and get out of here – scram!
39. Woah, slow down there woolly bully! No need to charge like a ram.
40. If you don’t quit pestering me, I’ll call the shepherd and let the sheepdogs out!
Best Sheep Jokes (38)
41. A farmer was shearing his sheep one day when he accidentally cut off a sheep’s tail. He felt so bad that he decided to replace it. He went to the local hardware store, bought a piece of wood and some nails, and nailed the piece of wood to the sheep’s behind. The next day, while shearing another sheep, he cut off part of its ear. Again, he felt terrible and replaced it with a piece of wood. Later that evening, he heard loud banging coming from the field. He went outside and saw the two sheep butting heads and knocking each other over. “What are you two doing?!” he asked. One sheep turned to him and said, “We don’t know, but it feels like a draw!”
42. A man was driving down a country road when he spotted a farmer trying to herd his sheep across the road. He slowed down and rolled down his window. “Hey mister, if I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?” The farmer looked puzzled but agreed. The man looked over the flock quickly and said “157 sheep!” The farmer’s jaw dropped and he said “That’s correct! Pick any sheep you want.” The man happily picked one up and put it in his car. As he started to roll up his window, the farmer asked “If I can guess your occupation, can I have my dog back?”
43. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
44. A reporter was interviewing a farmer about his prize-winning sheep. “This sheep has won every single prize at the county fair for five years straight. What’s your secret?” the reported asked. “Well,” said the farmer, “I only feed it the best food and make sure it gets plenty of exercise.” “But I’m sure all your sheep get that,” responded the reporter. “What makes this one so special?” “Hmm,” said the farmer. “Come to think of it, I suppose it does help that this is the only sheep I own.”
45. A sheep farmer bought a fancy new Lamborghini. His friend asked how he could possibly afford such an expensive car from just raising sheep. He replied, “I make a lot of money from shear driving pleasure.”
46. What’s the difference between mutton and lamb? You can’t get a good muttonchop!
47. Two sheep were at a fancy restaurant having dinner. After the meal, one sheep said to the other, “Did ewe pay the bill or should I?” The other sheep responded, “No, I paid tonight – you can get the baa next time.”
48. What do you call a sleeping sheep? A wooly bully zzzz.
49. Why are sheep so gullible? They’ll believe anything ewe tell them!
50. How do you stop a charging sheep? Take away its credit card!
51. Why was the sheep arrested on the highway? For fleecing the public!
52. What happened to the sheep that was dyed purple and thrown in the Black Sea? It was a dyed-in-the-wool case.
53. Did ewe hear about the new restaurant called “The Sheep Shack” that only serves lamb dishes? People say the food is pretty baaaad.
54. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
55. What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
56. How does a sheep with insomnia fall asleep? He counts people jumping over fences!
57. What do you call a sheep at the North Pole? A lost eweling.
58. Why are bad shepherds great dancers? They have all the best sheep moves!
59. How do you make a sheep float? You need 2 scoops of ice cream, 1 can of soda, and a sheep.
60. What did the mama sheep say to her disobedient lambs? “If ewe don’t behave, you’re grounded!”
61. Why don’t sheep like fast food? They take too long to wool it down.
62. What happens when a sheep gets lost? It’s a baaad situation.
63. When does a sheep go “moo”? When it’s learning a new language!
64. What do you call a sheep with fleece as white as snow and a heart full of courage? Game of Thorns!
65. How do you organize a space party for sheep? You planet.
66. Why don’t vampires bite sheep? They prefer necks!
67. How do sheep get clean? They take a baaaaath.
68. What’s a sheep’s favorite karaoke song? “Wool you still love me tomorrow?”
69. Why do Scottish sheep have long tails? Because their shepherd is a Scotch collie!
70. Which sheep makes clothes? A wool tailor.
71. How did the sheep feel walking out of the salon? Shear joy!
72. Why are sheep so wise? They spend all their time in meadow-tation!
73. What’s a sheep’s favorite type of reading material? Ranch romances!
74. What do you get if you cross a sheep and a honey bee? A bah-humbug!
75. Why don’t mutton chops make good frisbees? Because they end up sheepish!
76. What did the little sheep shot out of the cannon say to his mama? “Baaack in a minute!”
77. Why was the black sheep depressed? He felt ostracized from the herd.
78. What do you call a sheep at the gym? A woolkout ram!