22 Funny Seagull Jokes

Seagull Puns

1. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bay-gull!
2. Why don’t seagulls fly over the sea? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!
3. What did the seagull say when it flew into a glass window? “That pane hurt!”
4. What’s a seagull’s favorite chemical element? Seaganese!
5. How does a seagull style its feathers? With a wing brush!
6. Where do seagulls get their clothes? At the seagull mart!
7. What do you call a sleepy seagull? A drowsy gull!
8. Why don’t seagulls like having visitors? Because then they have to seagull-proof their nests!
9. What do you call a seagull that leads the flock? A seagull captain!
10. Why can’t seagulls play poker? Because they always stand on one leg!

Seagull One-Liners

1. I was going to tell a joke about seagulls, but it flew over your head.
2. Seagulls don’t actually have sea legs.
3. How do seagulls communicate? They seagull!
4. What’s a seagull’s favorite band? Wings!
5. I tried catching some seagulls yesterday, but I could only get the ugly ones.
6. How do seagulls cook their food? They wing it!
7. What do you call a seagull that lives near the equator? An ego gull!
8. I was attacked by a giant seagull in my dream last night. When I woke up I realized it was just a nightmare.
9. Why don’t seagulls fly in a straight line? Because they don’t want to strain their necks!
10. What’s the only thing seagulls are good for? Gullible people!

Best Seagull Jokes

1. A man was walking along the beach when he saw a seagull with a sock in its beak. Intrigued, he got a little closer and the seagull dropped the sock at his feet. He picked it up and saw there was a note attached:

   “Dear finder, I was flying over the ocean today when a large wave carried me under the water. I struggled to get back to the surface but my wings were waterlogged and I started to sink. Luckily, I spotted this floating sock and grabbed it with my beak just in time. It kept me afloat long enough to make it back to shore. Please return this sock to its rightful owner, my life depends on it! Sincerely, Lucky the Seagull.”

   The man looked around but there was no one else on the beach. Figuring it was the least he could do, he brought the sock home, washed and dried it, then returned the next day. He walked up to the same seagull and placed the sock down. The seagull looked at the sock, then back up at the man. “Hey buddy, nice sock!” Then it flew away.

2. A tourist was relaxing on the beach when a seagull flew by and pooped right on his head. He yelled “Hey! Why did you do that?” The seagull landed next to him and said “Sorry mate, I thought your bald head was a rock!”

3. Two seagulls were sitting on a perch overlooking the ocean. After a while, one seagull turned to the other and said “You know, life feels pretty meaningless sometimes. Like we’re just flying in circles looking for scraps of food, making noisy calls but not really communicating. Do you ever get that feeling?”

   The other seagull kept staring out at the sea and finally replied “Mine? Mine? Mine?”

4. A man walked into a pet shop looking to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper showed him two identical parrots on perches side by side. “This one’s $500 and this one’s $50”, said the shopkeeper. “But they look exactly the same, what’s the difference?” asked the man. “Here, watch this”, said the shopkeeper.

   He uncovered the first parrot’s cage and the parrot immediately started reciting Shakespeare sonnets, singing opera, doing bird impressions and solving math equations. The man was amazed. The shopkeeper then uncovered the second parrot’s cage and the parrot impersonated a seagull, squawking loudly and pooping on the perch.

   “That’s why this one’s $500 and this one’s only $50”, explained the shopkeeper. The man pointed to the first parrot and said “I’ll take this one!” As he started to leave, the shopkeeper called out “Hey mister, seagull impersonator parrot pooping on perch coming up!”

5. A tourist was visiting a small seaside village when he saw an old man fishing off a pier. Not getting many bites, the old man suddenly hauled up his line and started smacking the water with his rod while yelling at the top of his lungs. The tourist watched in amazement as a seagull swooped down, grabbed the man’s hook, and got caught on the line. The old man reeled the bird in, grabbed it off the hook, and threw it into a bucket filled with other seagulls.

   “What was all that about?” asked the tourist. “Oh that’s how I catch seagulls for dinner”, replied the old man. “I smack the water to make the ripples look like fish, the seagulls dive for the bait, and I reel ’em in.” He peered into the tourist’s bucket and added, “But it looks like you’ve found an even better method!”

6. Did you hear about the seagull who joined the navy? It turns out he was a good pilot but a terrible navigator. On his first training mission he took off from the aircraft carrier, flew about 100 miles inland, then crash landed in a field and had to phone the base for help. Everyone was confused how he ended up so far from the coast.

   When questioned what happened, the seagull explained “Well I took off heading east, but there must have been a strong tailwind because the next thing I knew I was over dry land!” The commanding officer slapped his wing to his forehead. “You birdbrain, you were flying west!”

7. A man walked into a pet store looking for a bird. The shopkeeper showed him some parrots, finches, canaries, all different types sitting in cages lining the walls. At the back of the store in the very last cage was one lonely seagull perched on a wooden plank.

   “That’s an unusual pet bird”, said the man. “Oh him?” replied the shopkeeper. “To be honest he’s not for sale, that’s just Gerald. I have him here to keep the place clean.”

   Just then, a customer accidentally knocked over a bag of birdseed near the front counter. Before the shopkeeper could grab a broom, Gerald swooped down from his perch, deftly cleaned up every last seed with his beak, then flew back to his plank. “That was amazing!” exclaimed the man. The shopkeeper nodded, “Yeah, I don’t keep him around for his personality, but he sure keeps the floors tidy. The rest of the birds are worthless, all they do is squawk and poop everywhere!”

8. A hungry seagull spotted a nice juicy worm wriggling on the sidewalk after a rainstorm. It swooped down and gobbled up the worm, but suddenly started choking and coughing violently. After a minute of gasping for air, the seagull finally dislodged the blockage in its throat – it was a tiny plastic six pack ring. “That’s the last time I eat takeout!” said the seagull.

9. An evil scientist was conducting gene-splicing experiments deep in his lab. He had successfully crossed a parrot with a Rottweiler to create the vicious “Parottweiler”, and had spliced a cat with a raccoon to make the terrifying “Cattcoon”. For his next experiment, the scientist decided to combine a rat with a seagull.

   He put the two creatures into the gene-splicer machine and hit the red button marked “Splice”. The machine started buzzing loudly and flashing warning lights. After a tense minute there was a sudden bang and smoke poured out of the machine. When the smoke cleared, there was nothing left inside except some seagull feathers. The rat had flown the coop!

10. Jim was excited for his date with Jane so he went down to the beach to pick up some fresh oysters for dinner. He bought a bucket full from a local fisherman and was carrying them up the pier when a huge flock of seagulls suddenly swooped down and grabbed all the oysters right out of the bucket. Distraught, Jim turned around and bought another bucketful. But as soon as he reached the pier, the same flock of seagulls stole all these oysters too.

    Jim was cursing in frustration when the fisherman came up to him chuckling. He said “Don’t take it personally son, them seagulls just really like me and want to steal any business away from me. Tell ya what, just put on this old coat of mine, then they’ll think you’re me and leave you alone.” Jim donned the ragged coat. This time when he bought a bucket of oysters, the seagulls flew down as usual but scattered away squawking when they didn’t recognize him. Laughing victoriously, Jim brought home the bucket of oysters and he and Jane enjoyed a lovely oyster dinner by candlelight.