Scorpion Puns (15)
1. What do you call a scorpion that likes to party? A club-ion!
2. Why don’t scorpions ever get lost? They have their own in-sting-ts.
3. Why did the scorpion cross the road? To get to the other side!
4. What do you call a scorpion that has great dance moves? A hip-hop-ion!
5. Why do scorpions make great singers? They have natural auto-tune!
6. What do you call a scorpion that works as a chef? A pinch-ion!
7. Why are scorpions never broke? Because they always have some sting-shings!
8. How does a scorpion like its steak cooked? Medium-rare-ion!
9. Why did the scorpion get kicked out of school? For making too many stinging remarks!
10. Why do scorpions love doing laundry? They like using the wash-ion machine!
11. Why was the scorpion hired to be a bodyguard? He had a piercing stare!
12. Why are scorpions great criminal investigators? They know how to get a sting operation!
13. What’s a scorpion’s favorite workout? Spin clas-ion!
14. Why do scorpions make good romantic partners? They know how to make things sult-ion!
15. Why did the scorpion become a monk? To find inner peac-ion.
Scorpion One-Liners (15)
16. I told a joke about scorpions to my friend, but he didn’t laugh. I guess the sting was in the tail!
17. I tried to high five a scorpion once, but that was a bad idea in hindsight.
18. Don’t try to grab a scorpion’s tail, unless you want to get pinched!
19. Scorpions may have a scary exterior, but deep down they just want to make friends!
20. Kid: “Mom, look at that cool scorpion!” Mom: “Stay away, their stinger could really hurt!”
21. Friend: “Want to go catch some scorpions?” Me: “Thanks but no thanks, I choose life!”
22. Scorpion 1: “Ouch, I stung myself!” Scorpion 2: “Man, I hate it when that happens!”
23. Person 1: “Did you hear a scorpion stung Tom?” Person 2: “Yeah, poor guy is in a lot of pain!”
24. Trying to squash a scorpion barefoot is a great way to get an unwanted foot massage!
25. When a scorpion stings you, the pain is swift and the agony lasts quite a while!
26. Scorpion mom to baby scorpion: “Be careful where you point that stinger young man!”
27. Person 1: “What’s that on your arm?” Person 2: “A scorpion stung me!” Person 1: “Yikes that looks nasty!”
28. Friend: “I found a scorpion in my shoe this morning!” Me: “That’s why I always check before putting them on!”
29. Some see a deadly scorpion, but I see a misunderstood creature who just wants a hug!
30. When camping in the desert, always zip your tent closed so scorpions don’t sneak in at night!
Best Scorpion Jokes (15)
31. A scorpion walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a shot of tequila. The bartender asked, “Do you even have money to pay for that?” The scorpion waved his stinger menacingly and said, “What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my venomous stinger.”
32. What do you get when you cross a scorpion with a painter? Leonardo da Pinchi!
33. My friend got stung by a scorpion right on the butt. Now his rear end is swelling up to massive proportions. You could say he’s becoming a little butt-hurt about it.
34. A scorpion, a snake, and a lion walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, “Is this some kind of twisted joke?”
35. Why don’t scorpions make good therapists? Because all they want to do is talk about themselves!
36. What’s the difference between a scorpion and a spider? A scorpion will actually sting you if you annoy it!
37. Scorpions may be creepy, but you have to admire their survival skills. After 400 million years, they’re still kicking butt (and stinging it too!).
38. My friend saw a scorpion crawl out of her shoe and screamed so loud she nearly busted my eardrums. That girl has a serious case of arachnophobia!
39. A scorpion, a snake, and a lion walk into a bar. “I’ll have a beer,” says the scorpion. “Make that two,” says the snake. The lion then roared loudly and ate them both.
40. Want to hear a clean joke about scorpions? Never mind, all the good ones have dirty stingers!
41. What do you call a scorpion that fell into a bucket of candy? A sweet stinger!
42. Why are scorpions so jumpy? They’re always worried someone will get the drop on them!
43. What’s a scorpion’s favorite sport? Sting pong!
44. Why did the scorpion get detention? He was caught stinging other students!
45. If a scorpion invites you over for dinner, say no! Otherwise you may end up becoming the main course!