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58 Funny Romance Jokes

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58 Funny Romance Jokes

Romance Puns

  1. My friend got dumped by her boyfriend right before Valentine’s Day. I guess you could say she got un-Valentined.
  2. I wanted to get my wife something really special for Valentine’s Day, so I got her a bouquet of flowers and a card. She said they were so beautiful she could just eat them up. I said, “Well don’t – we have reservations for dinner!”
  3. For our first Valentine’s Day, my girlfriend got me a big box of chocolates. I told her “Wow, this must have cost you a pretty penny!” She said “Yes, but for you, I’d spend every last cent.”
  4. My wife asked me what I got her for Valentine’s Day. I said, “A bouquet of flowers.” She said, “Yeah, and?” I said, “That’s it.” She said, “That’s it?? Just the one bouquet?” I said, “Well I didn’t want to go overbouquet.”
  5. What did the detective say to his date on Valentine’s Day? I love you a latte!
  6. What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche!
  7. My friend got a rose for his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I said, “Wow, how romantic!” He said, “Yeah I know – aren’t I thorn-y guy?”
  8. I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day. She said, “Surprise me!” So I said, “I want a divorce.”
  9. I told my wife I got her anti-aging cream for Valentine’s Day so she can look young forever. She said, “Aww thanks honey!” I said, “You’re welcome – the expiration date is February 15th.”
  10. For Valentine’s Day, I got my girlfriend a giant box of her favorite chocolates. She screamed and said “I can’t believe it!” I said, “Believe it, baby.” She said “No, I literally can’t believe how big this box is!”

Romance One-Liners

  1. I asked my wife if the spark was gone from our marriage. She said “Yes, now can you change this lightbulb?”
  2. They say love is blind, but in my case, it’s also deaf and really bad with money.
  3. My girlfriend dumped me on Valentine’s Day. I cried so much my tears filled a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
  4. My wife said I never buy her flowers. I said, “I didn’t know you sold flowers, honey!”
  5. I took my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant for Valentine’s Day. When I proposed, she said “Sorry, I’m full.”
  6. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 Valentine’s Day cards, and none are for you.
  7. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a trip to Paris. The only downside was the divorce paperwork she gave me at the airport.
  8. My girlfriend broke up with me right before Valentine’s Day, so I sent her a card that said “Let’s bee friends.” With a picture of a bee on it.
  9. They say when you marry someone, you marry their whole family. I guess that makes me a polygamist.
  10. My wife slammed a bouquet of roses on the table on Valentine’s Day and screamed “You forgot again!” I said “But they’re right there!” She said “Oh, I thought you forgot.” Awkward.

Best Romance Jokes

21. My wife and I have the perfect marriage. I go fishing on weekends, she goes shopping, and we meet back up on Sundays to return what we caught and bought.

22. On our first Valentine’s Day together, my boyfriend got down on one knee and looked up at me adoringly. He then pulled out a ring and asked “Will you marry me?” I was so excited! Until I realized he was just tying his shoelace.

23. After dating for 3 years, I was getting impatient that my boyfriend still hadn’t proposed. For Valentine’s Day, I gave him a card. Inside it said “Will you marry me?” When he opened it, he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. I was so happy! Until he said “Sorry babe, but I’m just not ready yet.”

24. My girlfriend and I decided to recreate our first date for Valentine’s Day. So I took her to Dunkin Donuts and complained about my ex the whole time.

25. I told my wife I had a sexy little red number to give her for Valentine’s Day. She got so excited. I pulled out a lottery ticket and said “Let’s see if the numbers match up for you tonight, honey!”

26. My girlfriend dumped me right before Valentine’s Day, so I sent her flowers with a note saying “I will love you until these flowers die.” I forgot to include water so the bouquet died after 2 days.

27. For Valentine’s Day, my wife surprised me by cooking a romantic candlelit dinner. The candle was to see because the power got shut off from not paying the electric bill.

28. My friend’s boyfriend got her a singing Valentine’s Day card that played their wedding song. She was so moved she immediately said yes when he proposed with a ring pop. Sadly the ring pop was stale.

29. I told my fiance I wanted an open and honest relationship so there would be no surprises. She said “Ok, well I’m still using Tinder and I kissed your brother once.” Not exactly the honesty I was expecting.

30. My wife and I are still so in love after 15 years of marriage. I know because she glare at me from across the room and whisper under her breath “I can’t stand you.”

31. For Valentine’s Day, I sprinkled rose petals on the bed and lit some candles to set the mood. My wife took one look and said “Aw, did you finally change the sheets?”

32. My girlfriend got me a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. I was so happy until I opened it and it was just full of vegetables. She’s always trying to get me to eat healthier.