65 Funny Restaurant Jokes

Restaurant Puns

1. I relish a good hot dog, but ketchup if you can!
2. This seafood restaurant is so fresh – it’s bassically brand new.
3. The ramen restaurant was pretty good, but I was left with a noodleing feeling that something was missing.
4. That new Mexican place makes some spicy entrees, but I salsa my soul there.
5. The sushi here is just rice – don’t get your hopes up!
6. The cajun restaurant was a bit too spicy and it gave me bayou burns.
7. This Italian place is impastable – their pasta dishes are divine!
8. The chef at that diner flipped his lid when I sent back an omelette.
9. I butter not eat at that new French bistro again – too rich for my taste.
10. The pho was underwhelming but I still had a soup-er time.

Restaurant One-Liners

1. I asked the waitress for a kids menu and she said, “Honey, there’s no way you’re under 12 years old!”
2. My friend called and said, “Let’s meet up for dinner tonight!” I said, “Sorry, I can’t, I’m in a committed relationship… with this couch right now.”
3. I grew up thinking mac and cheese was a fancy restaurant dish until I realized it came out of a box.
4. Me at a restaurant: I’ll have a water. Date: Make that two waters please. Me: *marries date*
5. Waiter: How did you find your steak, sir? Me: I just moved the peas aside and there it was!
6. The waiter asked my 6 year old, “Do you want the kids menu?” She replied, “I’m not a kid, I’m a woman!”
7. Don’t you hate it when you’re eating at a nice restaurant and someone proposes right next to you? Like excuse me, I’m trying to enjoy this $10 salad.
8. At a fancy restaurant… Friend: Why are these portions so small? Me: That’s why it’s called fine dining and not hefty dining.
9. My wife: I don’t mind you going out with your friends once a week but do you have to spend $100 every time at fancy restaurants? Me: I don’t go to fancy restaurants.
10. Waiter: I see you brought your own wine. That’ll be our $25 corking fee. Me: Can I pay the corking fee in loose change?

Best Restaurant Jokes

11. My friend was waitressing at a restaurant when a customer started choking. She rushed over, gave him the Heimlich maneuver, and saved his life. At the end of the night the man came up to thank her. He said, “You’re my hero, I’d love to be able to repay you for saving my life by taking you out to dinner sometime.” My friend politely declined and said she was happy she could help. The man insisted and said, “Come on, what’s your favorite restaurant? I’ll take you there!” Without thinking, my friend immediately responded, “Oh, I really love eating at the cafe down the street from my house.” The man’s face dropped and he said, “Nevermind.”
12. I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for her birthday. After we ordered our food, she made me close my eyes so she could give me a surprise present. I felt her put something on my head – it had pointy ends like a crown. She told me to open my eyes. I reached up and felt – she had put one of those paper Burger King crowns on my head! Then the waiter brought over two combo meals from Burger King on trays. Best surprise ever!
13. My husband and I were at a nice restaurant, and I ordered fish tacos with a side salad. However, when the waiter brought my food, it was just a pile of lettuce topped with 3 whole tacos – like hard shell tacos! No fish in sight. We tried to explain the confusion to the waiter, but there was a language barrier. I ended up eating the tacos because I didn’t want to cause a scene. Now we laugh about the time I accidentally ordered literal “fish tacos”!
14. Last weekend my friends took me out to a nice sushi restaurant to celebrate my birthday. I was so excited since I rarely get to eat sushi. After we ordered, I quickly ate two rolls before the main courses arrived. When everyone else’s dishes came out, I was still waiting on mine. I finally flagged down our waiter and asked about my sushi. He apologized and said, “So sorry, we are out of the fish and rice for your order. Can I just bring you a can of tuna and some plain white rice instead?” My birthday dinner was a can of tuna and rice. Yum!
15. My wife and I went to this nice Italian restaurant downtown last month. After the waiter took our order, we waited over an hour for our food. Finally, my wife stopped a different waiter and asked about our order. He looked confused, went to the kitchen, and came back saying, “I’m so sorry, but the chef forgot about your order and went home for the night over an hour ago! We can have something delivered if you’d like.” So our fancy “Italian” dinner that night turned into pepperoni pizza from Domino’s. Lovely.
16. I took a new girlfriend out for Valentine’s Day dinner at a romantic restaurant downtown. We had a nice table by the window and I ordered an expensive bottle of wine to impress her. After we got our wine, my nose started uncontrollably running and dripping. It was so embarrassing! I excused myself to the restroom to clean up, not realizing I had giant red wine stains all over my nice white shirt. When I got back, my girlfriend was crying from laughing so hard. Safe to say that relationship didn’t last long after the “running nose wine shirt incident.”
17. For my grandma’s 80th birthday, our family took her out to a nice steakhouse. We had a big group of 15 people. When the waiter came to take our order, he started with my grandma. She said, “I’ll have the 6 oz sirloin with a baked potato.” My grandpa interrupted and said, “Nonsense Margie, get whatever you want, it’s your birthday!” Without missing a beat, my grandma replied, “Who’s birthday is it Harold? Just bring me the damn sirloin.”
18. My boyfriend took me out for an anniversary dinner at a nice restaurant downtown last night. Right after we ordered, I saw my ex-boyfriend from college walk in with a gorgeous girl. I panicked and told my boyfriend I wasn’t feeling well and needed to go home immediately. He promptly paid the bill and we left – but not before my ex saw me and waved with a big smile. I made my boyfriend leave a $100 dinner date after 5 mins because I didn’t want my ex to see me there!
19. I took a first date to a nice French restaurant downtown. When the waiter came to take our order, he greeted me in French. I tried responding back in French, only to completely botch the pronunciation. He gave me a condescending smirk and switched to English. So embarrassing! Then when our food came, I spilled sauce all over my shirt. My date looked mortified. Needless to say, that was our first and last date.
20. For my wife’s birthday, I made reservations at an exclusive upscale restaurant that’s impossible to get into. I wanted to really treat her to something special. The day of her birthday, I surprised her with a limo ride to the restaurant. We rolled up ready for our fancy night only to discover the restaurant had burned down the day before. We ended up eating at Chili’s instead in our cocktail attire. Not quite the glamorous celebration I had envisioned.

More Restaurant Puns

21. This sushi restaurant is grate – I give it 5 stars!
22. I made reservations at the Mexican restaurant because their food is supreme.
23. We ordered wine at the Italian restaurant but it turned into a gnocchi mistake.
24. The ramen restaurant was meh, it was just so-so.
25. This new cafe makes really hoppy coffee.
26. Working at a fast food restaurant really works me to the bone.
27. That new bagel place is unbe-lievable!
28. I ordered my steak rare at the restaurant but it came back undercooked and blue.
29. The clams at this seafood place were a bit shelfish.
30. The chef presented the flambé with a flourish – he was clearly pyro-d of his culinary skills.

More Restaurant One-Liners

31. Restaurant Host: Table for 2? My wallet: Negative, we’ll be sitting at the bar.
32. My bank account after I order multiple rounds of drinks with dinner: Et tu, Brute?
33. Me at fast food joints: I’ll take a #3 combo. Me at nice restaurants: Garçon! Fetch me your finest aged Syrah!
34. Parent to a kid at a restaurant: No, you can’t have ice cream for dinner! Parent to themselves: Maybe I’ll have ice cream for dinner.
35. Waiter: Any allergies I should know about? Me: Yes, I’m allergic to paying a lot for food.
36. Friend: This place is pretty expensive, maybe we should go somewhere else. Me: I came dressed cute, I’m eating here.
37. Me after the waiter walks away: Okay what did we order? I was distracted by those bread rolls.
38. Date: I had a really nice time tonight. Me: Oh good, because I definitely can’t afford to come here again.
39. Me: *takes 20 minutes to decide what to order* Also me: I’ll just have the chicken tenders.
40. Friend: Let’s go out to eat tonight! My bank account: Let’s eat leftovers and pretend we’re on Chopped.

More Best Restaurant Jokes

41. I was at a nice steakhouse for a work dinner when one of my coworkers started choking on a piece of meat. No one knew what to do. I yelled out, “Someone do the Heimlich!” My other coworker got up, put his arms around the choking guy, and started singing “Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen at full volume. I said, “No not that Heimlich you idiot, the first aid maneuver!”
42. My girlfriend and I dressed up all fancy for our anniversary dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. The waiter led us past the main dining room to a small separate room set up for just two people. I was feeling really romantic until the waiter left and closed the door, which had a giant Burger King logo on it. We were in the Burger King Kids Club room! Not quite as romantic as I was envisioning.
43. I took a new date to a fancy French restaurant downtown. I wanted to impress him with how cultured I was, so when the waiter came to take our order I spoke in a terrible French accent. I kept it going the whole night, really playing up the “French persona.” At the end of the date, the guy said, “You know I’m French right? Your accent was HORRIBLE.” So embarrassing.
44. My girlfriend surprised me by taking me to my favorite fancy steak restaurant for my birthday. She had called ahead and arranged for them to bring out a cake with candles and sing Happy Birthday after our meal. When the waiters brought out the cake singing, I was so surprised I knocked over my wine glass right into my girlfriend’s lap! She was wearing a brand new white dress too. Worst birthday surprise ever!
45. I took my mom out for Mother’s Day brunch at a nice restaurant downtown. We had a great meal, but afterwards when I asked for the check the waiter said my card was declined. I tried two more cards, still declined. My mom had to pay for brunch on Mother’s Day! The waiter even said “Sorry sir but your mom will have to cover this.” So embarrassing.
46. My girlfriend made reservations at an exclusive restaurant downtown for my 30th birthday. She told me to wear something nice. I showed up in a suit and tie only to find she had booked us at a Medieval Times themed restaurant! She thought it would be funny. I had to eat cornish game hen with my hands while watching a fake jousting match. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my 30th.
47. I decided to propose to my girlfriend at a fancy French restaurant on Valentine’s Day. I put the ring in her champagne glass – it was so romantic! She took a sip of her drink and then started coughing violently. The ring was lodged in her throat! I had to do the Heimlich and the ring shot out onto the table. Nothing says romance like the emergency Heimlich at a 5 star restaurant!
48. My husband surprised me saying he made reservations at the most exclusive sushi restaurant in town for our anniversary. I put on an expensive new dress and we drove an hour to get to the restaurant. When the waiter led us to our table, I saw it was set up outside…right next to the dumpsters! Nothing says “happy anniversary” like the overwhelming smell of rotting fish.
49. I finally convinced my boyfriend to try Ethiopian food at this new restaurant downtown. I told him how delicious it was – raw meat with spices and exotic stews. After we sat down, I excitedly ordered a meat sampler platter for us. When the food came out, it was just a pile of uncooked beef and lamb. No wonder my boyfriend was less than thrilled! Gotta love cultural mixups.