Phone Puns
1. I tried to call the psychic hotline but got a wrong number. I guess they didn’t see that coming.
2. My friend changed his phone number to 911. Now when people call him for an emergency, he just hangs up on them.
3. I was going to get a new smartphone but I decided to just stick with my old flip phone. I didn’t want to make the switch.
4. My phone battery died while I was driving. I had to pull over to the side of the road and charge. I guess you could say I got stranded without a cell.
5. I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now when I call people all they hear is flush noises.
6. I tried to prank call someone but they recognized my voice. I guess my cell disguise didn’t work.
7. My friend got arrested for stealing phones. When I asked why he did it, he said he just needed to make a call.
8. I was going to get the new iPhone but it was too expensive. I decided I couldn’t afford the cellular cost.
9. My phone is so old, it doesn’t even have a camera. I guess you could say it lacks photo capabilities.
10. I bought a pay phone off eBay thinking I could make some calls. Turns out it was just for show.
Phone One-Liners
11. I guess you could say my cell phone contract is binding.
12. My phone is so scratched up, it must have cat claws.
13. Don’t bother leaving a voicemail, I never check my messages.
14. I’m not ignoring your call, my ringer is on mute.
15. No I didn’t get your text, my phone was on airplane mode.
16. My phone is so old it has an antenna. Yes, an actual antenna.
17. Let me call you back, my phone is about to die.
18. I would have answered but I left my phone at home.
19. Can you speak up? You’re breaking up.
20. Wrong number? This is embarrassing.
Best Phone Jokes
21. Last night my friend called me in a panic and said, “My smartphone fell into the toilet and now it’s not working!” I told him, “Well, for starters, don’t answer it.”
22. I was having connection issues with my cell phone so I called customer support. They told me to try sticking it in rice overnight to absorb the moisture. The next day, I had a perfectly cooked phone with soy sauce on the side.
23. My wife was frustrated trying to take a good selfie so I said, “Here, let me help you with the angles.” After 10 minutes she said, “Are you going to take the picture or just keep telling me to tilt my phone?”
24. My grandma just got her first smartphone. I spent 2 hours teaching her how to make a call. Then another hour showing her how to end a call. Technology really has come a long way.
25. I entered my phone number on a website and my computer started ringing. Talk about efficient customer service.
26. I got so fed up with telemarketers that I decided to call them back and try selling stuff to them. One guy hung up on me when I asked if he was interested in buying a pocket protector.
27. I saw a guy talking on his cell phone while driving so I honked my horn to get his attention. He flipped me off so I honked again. Then he lost control of his car, drove up on the sidewalk and crashed into a tree. I pulled over, got out of my car and said, “Sorry about that, I thought you were using hands-free.”
28. I accidentally dropped my smartphone into a big pitcher of margaritas at a Mexican restaurant. Now when I get a call it says “Number Intoxicated”.
29. My phone is like a boomerang – I throw it, it flies away, it smashes into something and comes back to me cracked.
30. I was sitting on the train and this guy across from me was talking so loudly on his phone. After 10 minutes I had enough, so I took out my own phone and started a fake conversation: “WHAT? The queen died? When? Just now?? Oh my god!” The loud talker immediately shut up.
31. My phone battery dies so fast, I think it needs an exorcism.
32. I have an iPhone and all my friends have Androids. I feel like the weird kid with the flip phone back in high school.
33. My phone fell out of my pocket and into the gorilla enclosure at the zoo. The gorilla took one look at it and threw it back. I guess my phone is just that bad.
34. Last night my wife was struggling to take a good selfie, so I offered to help by holding the phone and picking the angles. After 10 minutes she asked if I was going to take the picture or just keep telling her how to tilt the phone. I said, “Let’s just skip this and take a pic together.” She said, “Now you’re talking.”
35. I tried to FaceTime my grandpa for his birthday but he kept trying to swipe away the video because he thought it was just a picture of me.
36. I threw my phone across the room by accident and my dog caught it in mid-air like a Frisbee. Now I can’t get him to give it back.
37. My phone battery lasts for two days max, so I walk around with three portable chargers at all times. My friends call me the Power Ranger.
38. I dropped my smartphone into a big pitcher of margaritas at a restaurant last night. This morning I had several missed calls from an unknown number. Apparently my phone pocket dialed 911 and they tracked me down to make sure I was okay. The police officer laughed when I explained what happened but made me promise to get a new phone.
More Phone Puns
39. I was going to tell a phone joke but I decided to call it off.
40. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. If he were alive today, he’d be calling me nonstop about my car’s extended warranty.
41. I tried to use my friend’s phone but he was being cellular.
42. My phone is so old, it has an antenna. But it still manages to dial up some laughs.
43. I dropped my smartphone and the screen cracked. Let’s just say things aren’t looking so bright.
44. Don’t bother leaving me a voicemail. I never check my messages.
45. I wanted to get the new iPhone but couldn’t afford the cellular cost. Oh well, maybe next year.
46. My grandma just got her first cell phone. I’ve spent hours teaching her how to text. I can’t wait until she discovers emojis.
47. I tried to use my friend’s phone but he was being cellular.
48. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. If he were alive today, he’d be calling me nonstop about my car’s extended warranty.
More Phone One-Liners
49. Sorry, let me call you back – my phone is about to die.
50. Can you speak up? You’re breaking up.
51. No, I didn’t get your text message. My phone was on airplane mode.
52. What do you mean wrong number? How embarrassing!
53. I’m not ignoring your call, my ringer is just on mute.
54. My phone screen is so scratched up, it must have cat claws.
55. Let me guess – another pocket dial?
56. No, my voicemail isn’t full, it’s just my way of filtering calls.
57. I guess you could say my cell phone contract is binding.
58. Don’t text me, I left my phone charging at home.
More of the Best Phone Jokes
59. My smartphone’s battery life is so bad I have to carry three portable chargers with me at all times. My friends call me the Power Ranger.
60. I was sitting on the train and this guy across from me was talking so loudly on his phone. After 10 minutes I’d had enough, so I took out my phone and started a fake conversation: “What?? The queen died? When?? Just now?? Oh my god!” The loud talker immediately shut up.
61. My wife struggles to take good selfies, so I offered to help with the angles. After 10 minutes she asked if I was going to take the picture or just keep telling her how to tilt the phone. I said, “Let’s just take one together.” She said, “Now you’re talking.”
62. I tried FaceTiming my grandpa for his birthday but he kept trying to swipe away the video chat because he thought it was just a picture of me on the screen.
63. I accidentally threw my phone across the room and my dog caught it mid-air like a Frisbee. Now he won’t give it back no matter how much I beg.
64. I saw a guy talking on his cell phone while driving, so I honked to get his attention. He flipped me off, so I honked again. Then he lost control, drove up on the sidewalk and crashed into a tree. I pulled over and said, “Sorry, I thought you were using hands-free!”
65. I got so fed up with telemarketers that I started calling them back trying to sell stuff. One guy hung up when I asked if he was interested in some handcrafted pocket protectors.
66. My phone fell out of my pocket into the gorilla enclosure at the zoo. The gorilla took one look at it and threw it back. I guess even gorillas know my phone is terrible.
67. I dropped my phone in the toilet by accident. Now when I make calls all people hear is flushing noises. Pretty crappy situation if you ask me.
68. I tried prank calling someone but they recognized my voice. I guess my cell disguise just didn’t work.
69. I bought an antique pay phone off eBay thinking I could make calls on it. Turns out it was just for show. What a rip off!