Pee Puns
1. I’m so excited for this year’s Urination! I hear it’s going to be a real stream of fun.
2. I tried to sneak into the restroom without anyone noticing, but my friend caught me and said “Urine trouble now!”
3. My bladder is completely full, so don’t be surprised if you hear me wee-ing in excitement when the bathroom is free.
4. The plumber fixed our toilet in a jiffy, he really knew how to take the piddle out of the problem.
5. I’m throwing a pee-themed party this weekend, it’s going to be a real whiz bash!
6. When you gotta go, you gotta flow. No time for drippy delays when nature calls.
7. I’m so excited for the urine sample collection at my doctor’s appointment. I’ve been practicing holding it in all week!
8. Make sure to drink lots of water if you’re thirsty. Don’t let dehydration make you wee-k.
9. The long bathroom lines at the movies make me want to scream. When you gotta go, you gotta go – am I right?
10. I’m applying for a job as a professional taste tester. Urine for a real treat with this career.
Pee One-Liners
11. Peeing after holding it for a long time is such a relief, even if it does split the stream.
12. Gotta go when you gotta go, no time for drippy delays on the way to the golden throne!
13. Bladder bursting, legs crossed, waddling to the can – we’ve all been there before!
14. When you hear the toilet flush, that’s your cue to rush before you spring a leak.
15. Good thing I wore dark pants today, this urgent pee is turning into a real emergency!
16. Bathroom emergency? Quick, grab the empty bottle before it’s too late!
17. Hopping up and down, praying for an empty stall – the pee dance is real, friends.
18. Crack open a cold one and let the whizzing begin, cheers to a full bladder!
19. Bladder shy? Whiz quiz – name all your favorite drinks until the flow goes steady.
20. Toilet water swirling sugary lemonade? Must have been a sweet pee.
Best Pee Jokes
21. I was out shopping with my wife when suddenly I felt the urge to pee really badly. I told her “Honey, I need to use the bathroom quickly!” She said “Not so fast, urine trouble mister. You’ll just have to hold it.”
22. My friend bet me $10 I couldn’t go 24 hours without peeing. Halfway through the day I was bursting for the toilet. I lost the bet but told him “Urinary idiot for thinking I could last that long!”
23. During a long road trip, we stopped at a gas station restroom. My brother went first, then came out chuckling “Whoever goes in next is in for a treat!” I rushed in desperately needing to pee, only to be hit with the overpowering stench of his urine. What a mean prank! As revenge, I didn’t flush.
24. As a prank, my friend poured food coloring into the tank of my toilet, so when I peed the water turned blue. I screamed as I thought there was something terribly wrong, while my buddy just laughed. I got him back though – I left the evidence unflushed for his parents to see.
25. During a lecture, I suddenly needed to pee but tried to hold it. Five minutes passed and it was getting unbearable. Then, the sound of the professor pouring water into her glass pushed me over the edge. As the pee ran down my leg, I ran from the room in shame. I learned NEVER to hold it when you gotta go!
26. At the doctor’s office, I struggled to pee into the small plastic cup they gave me. After an eternity of trying, I had only managed to squeeze out a few dribbles. The nurse knocked on the door “Everything ok in there?” I stammered “Err yeah, just coming out now.” Of course, I had to then explain my shy bladder to the doctor. So embarrassing!
27. As kids, my cousin and I had a competition to see who could hold our pee the longest on a road trip. After 3 hours, we were both trembling at the edge of our seats. Right before I couldn’t take it anymore, I heard a trickling sound coming from his direction followed by a guilty expression on his face. I never let him live down that damp defeat!
28. During a long movie, I ran to the bathroom just in time as I was about to burst. To my shock, the toilet was clogged and overflowing with sewage. I frantically searched for another stall but it was too late. My pants were flooded as I gave up and let loose. I had to tie a jacket around my waist for the walk of shame past the lines outside. Talk about pee-r pressure!
29. I once entered an empty restroom with no time to spare before peeing my pants. To my horror, as I was mid-stream, a line of ladies in dresses entered behind me. There I was facing them with nowhere to hide. I have never peed faster in my life and got out of there red-faced. From now on I make sure to check under the stall doors first!
30. As I was on a first date at his place, I suddenly felt the urgent need to pee. When I came out of the bathroom, my date was smirking and said “Next time flush the toilet.” Mortified, I had left evidence of my pee and wanted to die of embarrassment. Safe to say there was no second date with Mr. Judgmental. Lesson learned – always flush!
31. During a job interview, my grumbling stomach interrupted the manager mid-question. To make matters worse, the urge to pee also hit. As I squirmed desperately in my seat, my bladder gave way and I stared in horror at the expanding wet spot on my pants. Needless to say, I did NOT get a call back. Tip: always go to the bathroom first before an interview!
32. As a toddler, I was notoriously difficult to potty train. During one attempt, my stressed dad left me on the little potty to do my business. Becoming impatient waiting, I snuck off to continue playing. Later at dinner, my dad sniffed the air and asked accusingly, “Did you poop, kiddo?” That’s when he saw the evidence squished into the living room carpet. Talk about an embarrassing mess for all!
