Opera Puns
- I tried to write an opera about coding, but I couldn’t figure out how to make the Aria interfaces work.
- The opera singer was struggling to reach the high notes, but she managed to Handel it.
- My friend got hired to write an opera about baking. It’s going to be a cake walk for him.
- The soprano was nervous about performing a solo aria. She hoped she wouldn’t Bizet her pants.
- I accidentally sat on a pointy object at the opera. It was a sharp note to end on.
- The opera company was low on funds. They needed to hit the high notes to earn more dough.
- The tenor kept slipping on stage. Apparently there was too much Verdi grease on the floorboards.
- The opera singer invested all his money in startups. He was hoping one of them would hit a high C.
- I tried to write an opera about marine biology. It was an aria about sea life.
- The lead soprano was sick, so they had to hire an understudy. It was a last minute aria replacement.
Opera One-Liners
- Opera is just angry singing.
- Opera is like WWE wrestling – big personalities having melodramatic battles in a made up language.
- Going to the opera is like going to the gym – I know it’s good for me, but I’d rather be doing almost anything else.
- I don’t go to the opera for the music, I go for the people watching.
- The opera ain’t over until the fat lady sings. Then it’s really over.
- The opera would be way better if the singers lip synced to top 40 hits.
- Watching opera is like watching the Food Network – sure it’s creative, but I can’t understand a word anyone is saying.
- Opera fans are like wine snobs, but with fancy singing instead of fancy grape juice.
- You haven’t experienced opera until you’ve fallen asleep during Act 2.
- I support the opera, I just don’t want to actually have to go and sit through one.
Best Opera Jokes
21. Pavarotti was getting ready for a performance one evening when he realized his costume was still at the dry cleaners. In a panic, he ran over just before closing time.
Out of breath, he asked the clerk, “Is my tux ready?”
The clerk took one look at the large tenor and said, “Hey buddy, if you want your penguin suit, you’re just going to have to wait!”
22. An opera fan was telling his friend about a recent performance of Wagner’s Ring Cycle he had attended.
“It was amazing! The music, the costumes, the special effects – it felt like I was transported to another world,” he gushed.
His friend replied, “Sounds great, but isn’t that whole thing like 15 hours long?”
The fan nodded and said, “Yeah, the story definitely dragged a bit in parts. But the music was so good, I didn’t even notice when the cycle started over again.”
23. At the end of a performance of Verdi’s Aida, the soprano playing Aida takes her bow. As she’s bending over, the extras behind her start snickering. She stands up straight and glares at them, then bows again. The laughing grows even louder.
Now angry, she turns around and snaps, “What are you laughing at back there?”
One of the extras shouts back, “Your Verdi’s showing!”
24. An operatic bass singer went to visit his doctor because he was having trouble hitting the deepest notes in his arias.
After examining the singer’s throat, the doctor said, “I’m afraid you have a rare condition that is preventing your vocal cords from fully vibrating on low notes. The only fix is a very unconventional surgery.”
“I’ll do anything to hit those low notes, doc. I live for opera!” said the singer.
The doctor replied, “We’re going to have to remove your colon.”
Confused, the singer asked, “How will that help me sing lower notes?”
“It won’t,” said the doctor, “but at least you’ll have more resonance in your voice when you have to explain where your colon is to people.”
25. An aspiring opera singer went to vocal coach after vocal coach, trying to figure out why he couldn’t sing higher notes without straining. After years of fruitless lessons, he finally met with a vocal maestro famous for tuning the voices of opera’s great talents.
“I don’t know what it is,” lamented the singer. “My chest voice is rich and resonant, but when I go for higher notes, it feels like I just don’t have the range.”
The maestro thought carefully. “Take off your shirt and let me examine your torso and diaphragm.”
The singer obliged. After gently prodding his ribs and abdomen, the maestro pinpointed the problem.
“Aha! I think I see the trouble. You have ab strain.”
26. An opera singer walked into a bar after a performance one evening. The bartender, noticing her elaborate costume, asked “What’ll you have?”
“Oh, just a beer please,” replied the singer with a smile.
As the bartender handed her the beer, he commented “You know, I saw you sing tonight – you were incredible! I love opera, but have never been musically talented enough to pursue it myself. I’m curious – how does one train to become such an amazing opera singer?”
“Well,” said the woman after taking a long sip of beer, “there are three main secrets to success: “First, train under the best teachers you can find to perfect your technique. Second, listen to and analyze recordings of past opera legends to learn nuance. And third, drink lots and lots of beer to expand your diaphragm capacity.” She smiled, taking another big sip.
“But isn’t beer terrible for your vocal cords?” asked the bartender, confused.
“Oh absolutely,” the singer nodded enthusiastically. “Ruined my voice years ago. Now I just do opera for the costumes and free beer.”
27. After years of vocal training, a young tenor was finally making his professional operatic debut in a production of La Boheme. He had spent months preparing, and knew his part perfectly.
On opening night, the tenor impressed the audience with his beautiful voice and emotional performance. As he took his bows, an older woman approached him at the stage door.
“Young man, you were superb!” she praised. “However, during your Act 3 aria, I noticed your hands were trembling. As a professional singer myself, I must advise you – an aria should be sung with your voice, not your hands!”
The tenor smiled graciously. “You’re absolutely right,” he replied. “But I wasn’t shaking from nerves. You see, I recently changed my name, and this was the first time my parents had seen me perform under my new opera name. So during that aria, I was actually waving hello to my mom and dad!”
28. A struggling opera singer finally landed a lead role, but on opening night he was paralyzed with nerves. In a panic, he ran to the director and said “I can’t go on stage – I’m too scared!”
The director calmly replied, “Don’t worry about a thing. We’ve hired a stand-in to go on for you.”
Relieved, the singer watched from the wings as his understudy performed a flawless rendition of the aria. The audience applauded wildly.
After taking his bows, the stand-in came backstage beaming. “Whew! What a rush out there! Now that my work is done, I’m going to grab a celebratory drink. Break a leg on your next performance!”
As the understudy walked away, the terrified tenor called after him “Excuse me, but who exactly are you?”
The man turned and replied “Oh me? I’m your understudy’s understudy!”
29. A world-famous opera singer was doing a solo concert tour through rural American towns. He was performing at the local high school auditorium in a small farming community that evening. The place was packed – it seemed like the whole town had turned out to hear this great tenor.
The singer walked onto the simple stage in his finest tuxedo and launched into a powerful aria that echoed through the hall. When he finished, the audience of farmers and townsfolk was silent for a long beat. Then, a voice from the back shouted “That ain’t singing, that’s just fancy hollerin’!”
The great opera singer replied, “You’re quite right, sir. And that aria I just performed, ‘Nessun dorma’ from Puccini’s Turandot, when translated, simply means ‘Nobody shall sleep.’ So in essence, I just did some fancy hollering to tell y’all to wake up.”
The audience burst into cheers and gave him a standing ovation.
30. An aspiring opera singer went up to a famous impresario after a performance and said, “Sir, I have been honing my voice for years. Hearing you are casting for a new production, I traveled hundreds of miles to audition and share my talent.”
The impresario waved his hand dismissively and said, “Go away, I do not have time to listen to every amateur who thinks they can sing.”
The young man pleaded, “Please sir, if you just give me 30 seconds to demonstrate my voice…”
Annoyed, the impresario rolled his eyes. “Alright, 30 seconds.”
The singer immediately launched into the most beautiful, pitch-perfect excerpt from Puccini the impresario had ever heard. After 30 seconds he held up his hand and said, “Stop, stop! That was astounding! With such talent, you must tour the great opera houses of Europe at once. What is your name?”
“Enrico Salami, sir.”
“Enrico Salami?!” roared the impresario. “Why have I never heard of you before?”
Enrico smiled. “Well sir, you did only give me 30 seconds.”
31. A bass opera singer finally secured his big break – the lead role in a production of Mozart’s Don Giovanni. On opening night, he was nervous but ready. The first two acts of the opera went perfectly.
However, right at the start of the third act, he began feeling faint and sick. Struggling through his recitative, he motioned to the director that he needed help. A stagehand ran on and supported him as he stumbled offstage.
The director panicked – what could they do with their star incapacitated and most of the opera left to perform? Suddenly, the stagehand had an idea. He said to the director, “Get me a costume and let me try something.”
Reluctantly, the director agreed to this unorthodox plan. To the audience’s surprise, it was the stagehand who reemerged to sing Don Giovanni’s next aria. What amazed them even more was that his voice was just as rich and sonorous as the opera star’s. For the remainder of the opera, the stagehand gave an astonishing performance as understudy.
After taking his bows to thunderous applause, the cast and crew congratulated this new star. “That was unbelievable!” said the director. “Are you also a professional opera singer?”
“No, I’m just a stagehand,” replied the man proudly. “But ever since I was young, I’ve had a peculiar medical condition – I’m a basso profundo baritone only when I have to go to the bathroom really badly.”
32. The soprano had a reputation for being incredibly demanding, with outlandish requests for her dressing room like fresh flowers, imported chocolates, and a custom 5-foot mirror. The theater managers hated dealing with her but she always sold out performances.
Before a big show, the managers nervously approached her dressing room door, the usual impossible list in hand. However, all they heard from inside was loud sobbing.
Apprehensively, they knocked and entered to find the star in tears, distraught and waving her hands at the plain dressing room. “How can I possibly get ready in here?” she cried. “Where is my mirror, my chocolates, my flowers?”
The managers sighed in relief. “Of course, maestra, right away!” they soothed. This, they were used to handling.
As they rushed to fulfill her demands, one manager whispered to the other, “Thank goodness, she’s back to her old self. I was afraid for a moment that she might be having a sincere emotional crisis about the role or something.”
33. After a grueling year of auditions, a young soprano was finally cast as the lead heroine in a major opera company’s upcoming production. On the first day of rehearsals, she arrived filled with excitement and optimism.
However, the director seemed unimpressed with her singing. Over the next few weeks, his criticisms became more severe. “Support your tone more.” “Put more lyricism into those lines.” “You’re sharp on the high note there.” The soprano grew increasingly dejected.
Finally, just a week before opening night, she broke down crying after yet another harsh critique. “I don’t understand,” she sobbed. “I thought my voice sounded lovely at the auditions.”
The director crossed his arms smugly. “My dear, did you really think I chose you because you can sing well?”
34. The opera’s prima donna threw a fit when she saw her dressing room, insisting it was too cramped and dreary. The next day, the management had renovated it completely. Still unsatisfied, she demanded a new Persian rug, silk wall hangings, and a chaise lounge. The management nervously fulfilled her every request.
However, on opening night she screamed upon seeing the refurbished dressing room, going into hysterics about the color and decor. At their wits end, the managers pleaded with her. “But Signora, we have given you everything you asked for!”
The diva glared haughtily. “Everything I asked for last season! A true star expects new demands each year.”
35. The washed-up opera singer hadn’t had an audience for years. He sat alone in his basement, feverishly practicing his art. His friends and family had long given up trying to reason with his obsession.
Then one winter night, the boiler broke. Shivering miserably in the cold basement, the singer noticed the pipes rattling with each mournful note he sang.
A wide grin broke across his face. He had finally found the perfect fans for his music – trapped, with no way to escape. The boiler remained broken through the winter as the opera singer performed nightly recitals for his new captive pipe audience.
36. A wealthy older gentleman was bored, so he decided to take up opera singing as a hobby. He hired expensive coaches to train his voice, and even paid a theater company to let him sing a major tenor role in their next production.
On opening night, the man’s shaky voice, slow tempo, and amateur showmanship were painful for the audience to sit through. He botched the words, missed notes, and slipped on props throughout the performance.
After his disastrous final bow, he asked the director outside, “So how did I do?”
The director sighed. “Sir, I think you would do better to just remain in the audience and enjoy opera, rather than inflict yourself on the stage.”
The gentleman frowned in confusion. “But I can afford to sing opera as poorly as I want! I paid the theater $500,000!”
“True, and we appreciate your patronage,” replied the director wearily. “However, that only means we had to let you on stage. It doesn’t mean you can sing.”
37. The understudy tenor was nervously waiting in the wings as the opera’s premiere was about to start. Suddenly, the lead tenor came sprinting backstage. “They’re saying my costume makes me look fat,” he complained. “I refuse to perform looking so unflattering.”
Sensing his big break, the understudy reassured him. “Oh no, you look amazing! So slim and handsome!”
“Really?” said the tenor, placated. “Well, if you say so…” And he headed back onstage.
From the back of the wings, the conductor had overheard everything. He whispered to the understudy, “How could you lie like that? His costume is extremely unflattering on him!”
The understudy just shrugged and whispered back, “Maestro, I’m an opera singer. I’ll say anything to get onstage.”
38. The Broadway theater was holding auditions for an opera chorus role. After an entire day of listening to mediocre singers, the
