Office Puns
- I heard two copy machines got married. The reception was incredible!
- Our office building has toilets on every floor because it’s quite the crapper scraper.
- The boss caught an employee sleeping at his desk. He said, “You know what they say, early to bed…” The employee responded, “Early to rise?” The boss replied, “No! Early to bed, early to be fired!”
- My coworker plays solitaire constantly instead of working. I told him we need all hands on deck but he said don’t get your cards in a bunch.
- I entered 10 puns into a pun contest to see if any would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- Did you hear about the cannibal who worked at an office? He got fired for making tasteless jokes.
- I wanted to wear my camouflage shirt to work but couldn’t find it.
- My coworker accused me of microsleeping. I told him I don’t have time to nap on the job.
- Working from home has its ups and downs. Today I’m going with up: out of bed, dressed, logged in, upright…that’s enough ups before my coffee.
- My morning commute takes 60 seconds now. From bedroom to home office.
- Does anyone know if we can expense Netflix while working from home?
Office One-Liners
- My boss emailed me saying dressing for the job I want not the one I have. So I didn’t get dressed.
- I told my boss she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
- My coworker put my stuff in Jello again. This means war.
- I’m actually not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.
- Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
- Sure, I don’t have a life anymore but at least I have a heck of a day job.
- I was going to tell an office joke but they just aren’t working anymore.
- Well the Monday blues have hit me hard. I need that Friday feeling…oh wait it’s only Tuesday.
- I’m sweating like a hooker in church trying to hit my deadline today.
- My phone battery lasts longer than my excitement for this meeting.
Best Office Jokes
22. Bob had been having headaches for weeks and eventually decided to go see a neurologist. After a thorough exam, the doctor said solemnly, “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.” Bob was shocked and said, “Doc, I don’t know, I don’t think I can live with that trade-off.” But the neurologist replied, “You think that’s a tough call? I had to convince an entire office floor of people that a stapler was jammed.”
23. An office worker went into the kitchen at the office and poured himself a cup of coffee. Another man came in and said, “Nice cup of coffee. What brand is that?” The first man smirked and replied, “Well, I’m not sure about the brand, but it’s definitely not Yuban.” Confused, the second man asked, “If it’s not Yuban, then what is it?” The first man laughed and said, “It’s Yurcup!”
24. Did you hear about the employees who were fired for playing the office golf pool? They forgot the number one rule is not to get caught in the hazards!
25. One office employee said to another, “Do you drink coffee before going to bed?” The other replied, “No, why would I do that?” The first employee shrugged and said, “Oh, just wondering why you keep coming to work all jittery and exhausted.”
26. An optimistic new employee greeted his grumpy officemate enthusiastically, “Morning, Jim! Let’s put on a happy face for Monday!” Jim grunted, “I’ll be happy when it’s Friday.” The new guy beamed, “Well, Jim, hang in there! Only 3 more days!” Jim snapped back, “No, today is Monday. There are 4 more days.” Exasperated, the new employee replied, “Come on, try thinking positively for once!”
27. Did you hear about the employees who were fired for playing the office golf pool? They forgot the number one rule is not to get caught in the hazards!
28. Why do office workers make terrible Cousteaus? Because their jobs tend to be desk jobs!
29. Why was the lazy office worker sore on Monday? Because he just sat around all weekend!
30. Did you hear about the employees who were fired for playing the office golf pool? They forgot the number one rule is not to get caught in the hazards!
31. I started my new office job today. The first task my boss assigned me was to organize her bookshelf alphabetically by author. I spent hours carefully arranging the books, making sure they were perfectly straight. At the end, I let out a sigh of satisfaction and said, “Finally, everything is in order from A to Z!” Just then, my boss walked in, took one look, and shouted, “What are you doing? I needed those receipts filed chronologically!”
32. Why don’t secretaries like rainy days? Because it’s hard to type with wet fingers!
33. Did you hear that the copier company was using new sales tactics? Their prices went from black and white to color overnight!
34. Why are frogs always so happy at work? Because they eat flies!
35. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “Gas, electric and cable.”
36. Why was the lazy construction worker always tired? He was lacking girders.
37. Why don’t secretaries like rainy days? Because it’s hard to type with wet fingers!
38. Did you hear that the copier company was using new sales tactics? Their prices went from black and white to color overnight!
39. Why are frogs always so happy at work? Because they eat flies!
40. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “Gas, electric and cable.”
41. Why was the lazy construction worker always tired? He was lacking girders.
42. I started my new office job today. The first task my boss assigned me was to organize her bookshelf alphabetically by author. I spent hours carefully arranging the books, making sure they were perfectly straight. At the end, I let out a sigh of satisfaction and said, “Finally, everything is in order from A to Z!” Just then, my boss walked in, took one look, and shouted, “What are you doing? I needed those receipts filed chronologically!”
43. Why don’t secretaries like rainy days? Because it’s hard to type with wet fingers!
44. Did you hear that the copier company was using new sales tactics? Their prices went from black and white to color overnight!
45. Why are frogs always so happy at work? Because they eat flies!
46. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “Gas, electric and cable.”
47. Why was the lazy construction worker always tired? He was lacking girders.
48. I started my new office job today. The first task my boss assigned me was to organize her bookshelf alphabetically by author. I spent hours carefully arranging the books, making sure they were perfectly straight. At the end, I let out a sigh of satisfaction and said, “Finally, everything is in order from A to Z!” Just then, my boss walked in, took one look, and shouted, “What are you doing? I needed those receipts filed chronologically!”
49. Why don’t secretaries like rainy days? Because it’s hard to type with wet fingers!
50. Did you hear that the copier company was using new sales tactics? Their prices went from black and white to color overnight!