New Years Puns (12)
1. I heard the ball drop last night and it made me melancholy—it just goes to show that the end of the year is always so emotional!
2. I was going to stay up until midnight on New Years Eve, but I ended up falling a-sleep before the ball dropped.
3. My resolution this year is 1080p – I’m determined to see things more clearly.
4. A new year, a fresh start! Let’s hope 2023 isn’t as taxing as 2022.
5. I was going to make some New Years puns, but none of them would work. I guess it’s just not the time!
6. I wanted to celebrate New Years in Times Square, but getting there took forever since traffic was at a standstill.
7. For New Years I bought some glasses that help improve your vision. I guess you could say I got four eyes!
8. On New Years Eve I was going to tell a time pun but I decided to wait till the second.
9. I stayed up until midnight on New Years just so I could give the new year a warm welcome. You could say I wanted to greet the new year!
10. My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’ll start tomorrow.
11. I wanted to make a New Years pun, but decided to wait til the next year.
12. For New Years I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
New Years One-Liners (13)
13. I was going to do a countdown for New Years, but I lost track around 9!
14. This New Years I’m not looking back – unless I hear something good behind me!
15. My New Years resolution is 1080p – I’m deterred to see things more clearly.
16. 2022 went by in a blink of an eye. Let’s hope 2023 isn’t as time-flying!
17. Out with the old, in with the new, may 2023 be happy days for you!
18. Wishing you a New Year filled with prosperity, joy, and success!
19. Here’s to celebrating the end of 2022 and the start of 2023!
20. New year, new me! Say goodbye to the old and hello to the new!
21. Let’s toast to the future and bid farewell to the past!
22. Out with the old, in with the new! Happy New Year!
23. Cheers to a fresh start and new beginnings!
24. Let 2023 be an amazing year for us all!
25. New year, new possibilities!
Best New Years Jokes (25)
26. It was New Years Eve and my friend said, “Hey, it’s almost midnight and I still don’t have anyone to kiss!” I told him, “Well you can always kiss my clock if you’re that desperate for someone at midnight!”
27. A man was waiting in Times Square for the ball to drop on New Years Eve. While waiting, he kept yelling “8…7…9…6…” Everyone around him gave him strange looks and said “Hey, your countdown is all messed up!” The man replied, “Sorry, it’s my first time doing a New Years countdown, I’m just a little nervous!”
28. On New Years Day I looked at my watch and for a brief moment I thought it said 11:60. Then I realized my watch was just drunk from partying too hard the night before.
29. My friend invited me to his New Years Eve party this year but said there’s a dress code – I have to wear something that represents my goals for 2023. So I’m gonna wear a sweat suit because my only goal is to lounge around.
30. I bumped into an old classmate on New Years Eve. He recognized me right away and said, “Wow I never expected to run into you here!” I said, “Well actually you didn’t run into me – we just casually bumped into each other.” He muttered “You always did take things so literally…”
31. My wife asked me what I wanted to do for New Years Eve this year. I said, “Let’s just stay home, watch the ball drop on TV, and go to bed early.” My wife was disappointed by this so I said, “Okay fine, so after the ball drops we’ll watch it again in slow motion!”
32. On New Years Day I like to look at old photos from the previous year. My favorite is one I took right at midnight where half the people look happy ringing in the new year and half look sad realizing it’s no longer the old year.
33. On New Years Eve I was hungry so I decided to make a resolution pizza. It had low cal crust, light cheese, and only healthy veggie toppings. As I ate it, I thought about how all my resolutions start off well but end up a total mess by the end!
34. My daughter woke me up at midnight on New Years Eve to tell me excitedly “Daddy, the year is finally 2023!” Half asleep I replied, “No sweetie, it’s only February 30th…”
35. This New Years I’m going to drop the ball on my resolution to lose weight. After all, the ball drop is the most exciting part of New Years Eve!
36. I have a good feeling about 2023 – mostly because 2022 was like dating a bunch of villains from a Batman movie.
37. This year I’m not making any New Years resolutions. Every January 1st I start the year off on the wrong foot feeling guilty that I already failed my resolution from the night before!
38. On New Years Day I like to hide a fake winning lottery ticket somewhere in the house to make the start of my year more exciting!
39. For 2023 I resolve to stop resolutions. My years always go worse when I make unrealistic New Years resolutions that I know I’ll never keep!
40. This New Years Eve I’m just hoping I don’t wake up on January 1st in front of my computer with a search history like “how to change the year back to 2022.”
41. I’m excited for 2023 because that means we’re only 3 years away from the next year that ends with a cool pattern: 2026!
42. My goal for 2023 is to accomplish more goals than I made for 2023. That way I can feel like I exceeded my own expectations!
43. This year I’m resolving to make no resolutions at all. That way when I fail, it won’t be breaking a resolution but rather just plain old failure!
44. I’m excited to party like it’s 2023, not 1999. That’s because I’ll be asleep by 10pm this New Years Eve.
45. They say New Years Eve is when you’re supposed to kiss someone special at midnight. So I’ll be kissing my phone, my one true love!
46. My New Years resolution is to stop lying…starting tomorrow.
47. This year on December 31st at 11:59pm I’m gonna yell “Hey 2022, wait up!” and see if it slows down at all before leaving us behind.
48. On New Years Day all I could think was – here we go again!
49. This year I resolve not to chase after my dreams so aggressively. It’s time I let them come to me!
50. For 2023 I’m turning over a new leaf, chasing new dreams, and saying goodbye to the old me and my old jeans (they ripped).
