Needle Puns
1. I tried to thread a needle while riding a rollercoaster. It was a sew-sew situation.
2. The tailor pricked his finger while sewing. He said, “Needle little help here!”
3. My friend got a tattoo of a sewing needle. Now she’s into piercings and needlepoint.
4. I bought a needle with a defective eye. It just didn’t seem to see things my way.
5. I was threading a needle when I realized the eye was clogged with lint. I guess you could say things got a little hairy.
6. I tried to thread a camel through the eye of a needle. Let’s just say that really strained our relationship.
7. I entered a needle felting contest but my design was mediocre. I guess I’m not very sharp.
8. I bought a talking needle to help me sew. It kept giving me piercing remarks though.
9. Did you hear about the girl who got poked by a knitting needle? She was in stitches!
10. My friend got injured by a needle while sewing. I told her to stay positive!
Needle One-Liners
11. I’m so bad at threading needles, I couldn’t sew a stitch.
12. I tried to thread a needle while camping. It was in-tents.
13. That needlepoint tattoo really sewed up his look.
14. She was as sharp as a needle but couldn’t thread one to save her life.
15. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
16. Never lie to a seamstress, they always pin you down.
17. That dressmaker used the finest silks and the sturdiest stitches, she won’t come un-sewn.
18. A weaver, tailor, and haberdasher walk into a bar. The bartender says “What is this, some kind of stitch up?”
19. Sew what if I’m bad at needle puns? I’m still sharp as a tack!
20. Needles to say, coming up with sewing puns isn’t my strongest thread.
Best Needle Jokes
21. A tailor was working late into the night before an important deadline. Exhausted, he started hallucinating that the needles were dancing and talking to him. He asked the needles, “Why are you moving around so much?” One needle replied, “You need to get some sleep. We are just a figment of your imagination!” The tailor said, “I know, I’m seeing things!”
22. Martha was trying to sew a dress but was having trouble threading the needle. Her friend Helen offered to help. After several failed attempts, Helen finally got the thread through the needle’s eye and handed it back to Martha. Martha stared at her in amazement and said, “Helen, you are a threading genius! Where did you learn to do that?” Helen just winked and replied, “It was just a lucky stitch, I guess.”
23. Sam always pricked his finger whenever he tried to hand sew. His friend suggested he get a thimble to push the needle. Sam replied, “I don’t need some new-fangled contraption telling me how to sew!” A week passed and Sam’s friend asked if he had tried using the thimble yet. “No way!” said Sam, “Real men don’t need thimbles, I just put a little bandage on my finger whenever I prick myself now.” His friend just shook his head, smiling and said, “Oh Sam, you’re so stubborn – you haven’t changed one bit!”
24. Jean was trying to sew a patch onto her son’s jeans but the needle kept bending. Her husband said, “Here, use this needle I just sharpened.” Jean replied sarcastically, “Oh thank you! I’m sure the needle YOU sharpened will sew denim just fine…” A minute later, Jean shouted triumphantly – “It worked! This needle went through the denim like a hot knife through butter!” Jean’s husband took a modest bow and said, “I’m happy to have been of service, my dear.”
25. A tailor, weaver, and haberdasher all lived in the same village and were fierce competitors. One day, the tailor boasted “There’s not a single person in town who doesn’t wear something I’ve sewn for them.” The weaver scoffed and said “That’s nothing, I guarantee every home here has sheets, towels and blankets made on my loom.” Not to be outdone, the haberdasher chimed in “Well I provide the hats and caps for every head in this village!” After much bickering, they decided to have a contest to settle things once and for all. On the appointed day, all the villagers gathered in the town square. The tailor, weaver and haberdasher each made their case proudly. The mayor considered carefully before announcing “You’re all winners! The tailor clothes their bodies, the weaver their beds, and the haberdasher their heads. There is honor and glory enough to go around.” And the moral of the story is – no needle how competitive, there’s room enough in a village for every thread.
26. Joan rushed to the fabric store to buy a spool of thread for an urgent sewing project. The shopkeeper said they were out of Joan’s favorite brand and asked if another would do. “No, it HAS to be that brand,” Joan insisted. “I’ve tried the rest, and that’s simply the best. Nothing else sews a seam quite so fine and even.” As Joan left disappointed, the shopkeeper muttered under his breath, “Geez lady, thread the needle much?”