I was feeling stiff after sleeping wrong, but a trip to the neck spa worked out all the kinks!
The giraffe hurt his neck and had to go see a neck specialist called an orthoneckdic doctor.
I entered my pet turtle in a neck stretching competition. I knew he had a good chance since he’s adeck at sticking his neck out!
My friend was bragging about her expensive neck massager. I told her not to get a big head over it!
Did you hear about the risk-taking neck model? She was willing to stick her neck out for any daring photo shoot!
I’m thinking of writing a rock opera about the history of neckties. I’ll call it “Cravat: An Epic in Three Acts.”
Don’t let your pride get in the way if you strain your neck. Swallow it and go see a chiropractic.
The football coach insisted his players do daily neck strengthening exercises. He didn’t want them dropping the ball because they were weak-necked!
The fashion critic noted the avant-garde runway model’s unusually long neck. She said it gave her an excellent derrière vantage point from which to view the clothes!
My friend claims she can guess people’s neck sizes just by looking at them. I think she’s making a stretch.
Neck One-Liners
I don’t mind stiff necks, but I draw the line at stiff shoulders.
My neck hurts so bad I can’t turn my head without turning my whole body!
After sleeping at a bad angle all night, my neck feels like a stack of bricks.
This pain in the neck is a real crick in my morning routine!
I have a real pain in the neck trying to check my blind spot while driving.
I’m tired of craning my sore neck to see the TV from the kitchen.
My neck is so stiff, I can’t nod yes or shake no without turning my whole body.
I must have slept funny last night. I’ve got a real kink in my neck!
After hunching over my computer all day, I’ve got a major neck ache.
If my neck gets any stiffer, I’ll have to turn with a steering wheel to look left or right!
Best Neck Jokes
My friend pulled a muscle in her neck while headbanging at a rock concert. She was really metal about it at first, refusing to get help because she didn’t want to leave early. But the next morning she could barely nod along to music without excruciating pain. She had to swallow her pride and admit she needed to go the ER for neck brace! We told her not to bang her head against the wall about it. Rest and gentler movement would heal her neck in no time.
I went to the doctor because I had been waking up with awful neck pain. He examined me and determined the cause – my pillow was too flat. He said I needed more neck support while sleeping so my head and neck stayed aligned. He prescribed me one of those big puffy pillows people take on airplanes. I looked at him like he was crazy and said “You expect me to sleep on one of those giant marshmallows every night?!” He explained it would only be until my neck felt better. Defeated, I agreed to try it. That night I climbed into bed and laid my head onto the pillow behemoth. I sank down inches below the edge of the pillowcase canyon, feeling like I needed an expedition team to locate me! Miraculously I did wake up pain-free though. Maybe that pillow wasn’t so marshmallowy after all – it was the perfect density to keep my neck supported! Now I can’t sleep without it.
My friend John takes bowling super seriously. He’s the president of our local bowling league and always shows up wearing proper bowling shoes, gloves, wrist braces, the whole shebang. Last week he called me frantically on the morning of league night, panicking because he had somehow really hurt his neck while brushing his teeth. He was afraid he wouldn’t make it to bowling, and as president he felt he needed to be there. I picked him up and when I saw him, the poor guy was walking around with his whole upper body tilting to one side, thanks to his incredibly stiff and painful neck. I told him there was no way he could bowl in this condition! But John said it was out of the question to miss league night. So I agreed to drive him to the bowling alley, figuring once he got there and tried to play he’d realize it just wasn’t possible. We walked inside and got our bowling shoes. John started stretching out his neck, wincing with every turn. He picked up a ball with his bowling glove and slowly approached the lane, walking sideways to keep his body shifted towards his injured neck side. He took his first swing and…gutter ball! The pain was too much. On his second try he got the ball halfway down the lane before it veered into the gutter. John was gutted. Even though it seemed impossible, he was determined to muscle through his neck spasms to play. I couldn’t watch him struggle anymore. I told him he’d just have to miss this week, but he’d have plenty more league nights once his neck was healed. He knew I was right. So we switched back to our regular shoes and headed home, where John iced his neck and rested up for the next bowling night once he was recovered.
As a gymnast, I put incredible strain on my neck during training and competing. One day I was practicing my balance beam routine over and over. I kept nailing the landing on my handspring full twist dismount, right into the mat. But around attempt number fifty, I landed with one shoulder lower than the other. I felt an immediate electric pain shoot up the side of my neck. Uh oh, I knew that wasn’t good. Even from that very first twist, my range of motion was severely limited. I finished practice but had to hold my head carefully in place to avoid jostling my angry neck muscles. The next day, I woke up barely able to lift my head off the pillow. I saw a chiropractor who massaged the spasming muscles and adjusted my spine alignment to take pressure off the area. He fitted me with a soft neck brace to wear during recovery. After a week of rest and relaxation, I was back to carefully training my neck mobility. I took extra care while working on beam to rebuild my strength and avoid another neck catastrophe. It just goes to show that even super flexible gymnasts are susceptible to neck strains, but with patience and gradual training, we can recover and get back to the balance beam!
At my office job staring at a computer all day, tension builds up in my neck and shoulders. By midday my neck is killing me from sitting with hunched shoulders and a dropped chin. I stretch it out and adjusted my workstation, but the dull ache would always return. That chronic neck pain was affecting my mood at work. One day my coworker Marcy noticed me wincing as I massaged my stiff neck. She asked what was wrong and I told her about my chronic problem. She said she knew just the solution – a home traction device! Marcy used it every night for neck pain just like mine, and said it provided wonderful relief by gently stretching the neck to release muscle tightness. Intrigued, I ordered one online that night. When it arrived, I set up the pulley device and carefully laid back, attaching the harness to pull on my head with gradually increasing force. It felt amazing as it lightly stretched my sore neck and relaxed those tight muscles. Now I use it for ten minutes a night while I watch TV in bed. It’s been a game changer – no more chronic neck pain during my long work days! Just a little gentle traction was all my neck needed to feel so much better.
As we were driving down the highway, my friend Amy was checking her phone in the passenger seat. I saw her neck craning down further and further as she concentrated on reading something on her screen. I told her she might want to sit up straight before she throws out her neck! Amy said “I’m fine, just texting my sister.” Thirty seconds later she yelled “Ouch!” and clutched the side of her neck in pain. She’d been hunched over at such an odd angle that she pinched a muscle. Now Amy couldn’t turn her head to the side without sharp stabbing pains. I gave her an “I told you so!” look. Amy never texts and looks down at her phone in the car anymore. She learned the hard way that poor neck posture can lead to a painful crick!
On Thanksgiving morning, my mom was up at 5am to put the turkey in the oven. She spent all afternoon rushing around the kitchen checking side dishes and preparing for our family feast. But in the process, she barely sat down or took a break. By the time we finally ate dinner that night, my mom’s neck was incredibly stiff and sore from cooking in a hunched position all day. She could barely enjoy the meal she had worked so hard to prepare! The next year, I bought mom a nice new kitchen stool and oven mitts so she could sit while checking the food and avoid craning her sore neck over hot pans. She was so grateful to elevate her aching neck that Thanksgiving Day. Now we make sure mom takes sitting breaks so holiday cooking doesn’t put a crick in her neck!
At my office job, I often wake up from my desk chair with a stiff, painful neck after sitting hunched over my computer for hours. I stretch and crack it and it feels better temporarily, but the pain always returns. Finally I realized the problem wasn’t going away without ergonomic intervention. My chair back didn’t come up high enough to support my neck in proper alignment. And I needed to elevate my monitor so I wasn’t constantly looking down. I ordered a special pillow for my office chair to fill the gap between my neck and back. I also got a riser stand for my monitor to bring it up several inches. Although the adjustments felt weird at first, suddenly my head and neck were supported and I stopped having constant pain within a week. I couldn’t believe such simple ergonomic tweaks could make my stiff, sore office neck go away entirely! Now I make sure to set up my workspace for healthy neck positioning.
