Mouth Puns
1. I tried to eat a clock yesterday. It was very time consuming.
2. My dentist told me I need a crown. I was thrilled because I’ve always wanted to be royalty!
3. I lost my tooth in a fight. Thankfully the dentist was able to replace it with a gold one. Now I have a golden smile!
4. I chipped my tooth biting into an ice cream cone. I screamed, “Owie! My chomper!”
5. I used to have a lisp, but after speech therapy I can now pronounce my S’s. Thank goodness! Whisthpering all the time was exhausthing.
6. I asked my dentist if tooth decay could be reversed. He said it was an abscess possibility.
7. Did you hear about the dentist who married the manicurist? They fought tooth and nail!
8. Why did the dentist get angry at his assistant? She kept taking his patients under his nose!
9. How did the dentist become a millionaire? He had a lot of pull in the community.
10. My dentist told me to stop eating sweets. I replied, “You can have my candy when you pry it from my cold, dead teeth!”
11. I heard two molars got engaged. I wonder what kind of wedding they’ll have? A bridal flossing maybe?
12. My dentist said I had acute gingivitis. I said, “Well I have an adorable gingivitis!”
13. I asked my dentist if he recommends electric toothbrushes. He said any brush will work if you’ve got the power.
14. I broke my tooth on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. When I told my dentist he said, “Oh what a bittersweet moment that must have been!”
15. Did you hear about the sensitive dentist? He takes things too hard.
Mouth One-Liners
16. My dentist told me to floss more, so I gave him the middle finger.
17. I’m so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a rag doll.
18. My teeth are so yellow that when I smile, traffic slows down.
19. I have so many cavities, my mouth looks like a display of donut holes.
20. My breath smells so bad it can strip paint off a wall.
21. I have fewer teeth than a newborn baby.
22. My dentist makes vampires look like amateurs when it comes to blood sucking.
23. I eat so much candy my dentist bought a vacation home.
24. My teeth are so rotten, I spit out chunks when I talk.
25. My breath smells worse than hot garbage on a summer day.
Best Mouth Jokes
26. I was at the dentist getting a couple of cavities filled. The dentist kept hitting a nerve that ran to my funny bone and it was making my whole arm twitch. He asked if I wanted more Novocain but I declined, I said “Just drill, baby, drill!”
27. I asked my dentist if bruxism could damage my teeth. He gritted his teeth and said, “Let’s not grind this topic into the ground.”
28. I told my dentist that I hadn’t been flossing because I couldn’t afford any floss. He just shook his head and said, “That’s unbrushed behavior. Make sure you turn over a new teeth and start flossing daily.”
29. How do you make someone smile on a Monday morning? Tell them it’s Friday! How do you make a dentist smile on Monday morning? Tell them it’s a molar day!
30. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the orthodontist’s office? Don’t worry, he woke up!
31. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the face with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
32. I asked the dentist if I really needed a crown. He said, “You’re not royalty yet, but why don’t we start with a filling?”
33. What did the dentist see at the North Pole? A molar bear!
34. Did you hear about the dentist who married the bartender? Their reception was great but the wedding was just so-so.
35. Why don’t sharks like to swim by sailors? They don’t want to get harpooned!
36. Did you hear about the guy who’s tongue was burned? He had lost his taste for certain foods but was currently on the mend.
37. I swallowed a piece of string and had to go to the hospital. Thankfully the surgery went smoothly, it was in one end and out the other!
