Mouse Puns
1. I tried to fix my computer mouse but it squeaked away from me!
2. My friend said she saw a mouse in her house. I told her she needs a catscan.
3. Did you hear about the mouse who went to the dentist? He needed his teeth cleaned!
4. Why don’t mice need online dating accounts? They can find love on the first squeak!
5. What do you call a mouse who cleans the house? A maid mouse!
6. The mouse was angry with his friend. He decided to give him the silent squeakment.
7. What do you call a mouse who works in an office? An admin mouse!
8. Why don’t mice wear high heels? They’re afraid of the squeak factor.
9. Why don’t mice make good journalists? They spread too much squeakssip!
10. What do you call a mouse who loves cheese too much? A cheese squeak!
11. The mouse was feeling under the weather. He decided to stay inside his mousehole.
12. What do you call a mouse who helps out Spiderman? Squeaky!
13. Why are mice great at hide and seek? They know all the squeakret hiding spots!
14. What do you call a mouse who lifts weights? A mini squeaker!
15. Why don’t mice go on waterslides? They’re afraid of getting their tails squeaky wet.
16. What do you call a mouse who works on Wall Street? A hedge squeak fund manager!
17. Why don’t mice ever win races? They get out of squeak too quickly!
18. Why don’t mice eat fast food? They don’t like the squeasy meals.
19. Why did the mouse hire a lawyer? He needed help with a squeakracy case.
20. How does a mouse stay in shape? Lots of squeakrobatics!
Mouse One-Liners
21. I got kicked out of the library for bringing in a mouse. They told me only quiet creatures allowed!
22. My mouse friend is great at basketball. They call him “Squeaky” Johnson!
23. I wanted to teach my pet mouse to dance but all he did was squeak a move.
24. My friend called me a scaredy mouse. I told him I resemble that remark!
25. I caught my mouse stealing cheese again. This is nacho cheese!
26. My mouse got his tail stuck in a trap. He was so embarrassed!
27. I saw a mouse at the gym. I didn’t know they could squeak so much weight!
28. A mouse got caught in a rat trap. He squeaked by with minor injuries.
29. I wanted a pet mouse but my friend said they spread diseases. Squeak for yourself!
30. The mouse got stuck in a glue trap. He’s feeling a little squeakish.
31. Never ask mice for directions. All they do is squeak and run.
32. I saw a mouse running on a wheel at the gym. Gotta get that squeakercise!
33. My pet mouse loves pancakes. He’ll squeak his way through a whole stack!
34. I wanted to take my mouse to the movies but he insisted on sneaking in the squeak-it.
35. My mouse friend claims he once battled a cat. Stories like that are pretty squeakspicious.
36. I saw a mouse fixing a car engine. Looks like he knows what makes it squeak!
37. My mouse friend got really sick from eating moldy cheese. Talk about a squeakreak!
38. I saw a mouse running on a computer mouse. Meta!
Best Mouse Jokes
39. A mouse was feeling down in the dumps. He decided to go to the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
The mouse replied, “Doc, I’m just feeling really anxious lately. My heart starts racing at the smallest things like seeing a cat or hearing loud noises.”
The psychiatrist listened thoughtfully and said, “Hmm, sounds like you have a bad case of mouse-taken identity!”
40. A mouse was caught stealing cheese from the kitchen. When confronted, he said “I swear, I’m mouse-understood! This is my first time stealing, I promise!”
The homeowner glared at him and said “Nice try, but I know your type. You mice are all the same, you see cheese and your brain goes squeak!” The mouse sighed and said “I guess this is a bad situation I’ve gotten myself into. I should have known not to mouse-behave.”
41. A mouse walked into a bar and said to the bartender “I’ll have a pint of beer please.”
The bartender looked at the mouse in surprise and said “You can talk! That’s amazing. Where did you learn to talk like a human?”
The mouse shrugged and said “I took mouse-locution lessons. It helps me communicate with people better.” The bartender chuckled and said “Well, this is one clever mouse! Let me get you that beer.”
42. A mouse was caught stealing money from a cash register. The police arrested him and he went on trial for theft.
In court, the mouse proclaimed, “I’m squeaky clean, your honor! I was framed, it’s a mouse-carriage of justice.”
The judge reviewed the security footage and it clearly showed the mouse stealing the money. He said to the mouse, “Despite your claims, the evidence doesn’t lie. I hereby sentence you to 1 year in prison for grand theft.”
The mouse sighed and said, “This is so unfurry. I guess my mouse-deeds finally caught up with me.”
43. A mouse walked into a monster truck rally. He went up to the biggest, loudest truck and shouted “Hey! I wanna drive!”
The driver looked down in surprise and said “A little mouse like you wants to drive my big monster truck? Can you even reach the pedals?”
The mouse replied “Of course I can drive this thing! Don’t judge me by my size, I’ve got the heart of a lion. Just give me the keys, I’ll show you what this mouse can do!”
Amused, the driver picked up the mouse and put him behind the wheel, curious to see if he actually could drive. The little mouse started up the rumbling engine, a determined squeak on his face.
44. A mouse was scurrying through a kitchen looking for food when he came across a massive mousetrap. He stared at it hesitantly, wondering if the cheese on the trap was worth the risk. Just then, a big black cat came prowling into the kitchen.
The mouse’s eyes widened in fear as the cat cornered him. Making a split-second decision, he rushed towards the giant mousetrap and jumped on the metal bar, triggering it and snapping the bar down harmlessly over his body.
The cat swiped at the trap angrily as the mouse peaked out from the side, safe behind the metal bars that had just saved his life. “Outsmarted again!” he squeaked triumphantly.
45. A mouse was caught sneaking through the White House and arrested by Secret Service. When questioned, he claimed to be a British spy named James Mouseton.
“Your mission was to infiltrate the White House undetected, I assume?” asked the interrogating officer.
“That’s mouse-classified information,” replied the mouse in a posh British accent. “Revealing government secrets would be most un-British of me.”
The officer presented satellite photos of the mouse entering through a drainage pipe. “The evidence we have here suggests you’re simply a rodent pest. There are no records of a British spy matching your description.”
Cornered, the mouse replied “Very well, you’ve caught me. I’m no spy, just a regular mouse trying to scrounge up some grub.” He was promptly released into a field far from the White House. “I almost pulled it off,” he squeaked in his regular voice, scampering away.
46. A mouse was caught stealing tiny sips of communion wine from a church. When confronted by the priest, he claimed innocence. “There must be mouse-take, father. I’d never steal, I’m a good church-going rodent!”
The priest replied “I have video evidence of you sneaking off with the sacramental wine. You’ve violated our trust!”
Bowing his furry head in shame, the mouse apologized. “You’re right, I’m guilty as squeaked. It was wrong of me to lie. I’ll accept any cheese-ance you’re willing to offer.”
The merciful priest sentenced him to 30 Hail Maries and 20 minutes of mousetrap duty. Lesson learned!
47. A mouse was scurrying through a hardware store when he came upon an interesting display. It was a line of glue traps, each with a different label: Low Tack, Ultra Tack, Industrial Strength.
The curious mouse couldn’t resist inspecting each trap closely. He stuck a paw on the Low Tack glue – not bad, he was able to pull it off after some effort. Feeling bold, he went for the Ultra Tack. It took him a while to tug his paw free from the super sticky glue. Then he saw the Industrial Strength trap. “Surely just one paw couldn’t hurt…” he squeaked. Three hours later, the mouse was still firmly glued in place, cursing his tempting mousey curiosity.
48. A mouse walked into a pet store, decked out in miniature biker gear. “Hey bud, I wanna buy a ride,” he squeaked at the clerk. “Something sleek, loud, and fast.”
The puzzled clerk showed him some hamster wheels and exercise saucers. The mouse scoffed “C’mon man, those are lame. I need a hardcore hog, like a mini Harley.”
The clerk apologized that they didn’t carry motorcycles suited for mice.
“No problem, I’ll just mod one of these suckers,” declared the mouse. He hopped onto a saucer, whizzing around and around, squeaking “Freedom!” Vroom vroom, look out world – this mouse was born to ride.
49. A mouse was scurrying through an attic when he stumbled upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub, a genie appeared in a puff of smoke. “You have freed me, master! I shall grant you three wishes,” declared the genie.
The mouse’s eyes lit up. “I want a lifetime supply of cheese!” The genie snapped his fingers, summoning a huge hoard of cheese. The mouse wished for cheese every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. For his final wish, he wanted to live in a beautiful mouse mansion made of swiss cheese.
As the mouse feasted happily on cheese in his new home, the genie watched him and chuckled. “You mice are all the same, your only interests are squeaking and cheese!”
50. A mouse was caught stealing tiny sips of communion wine from a church. When confronted by the priest, he claimed innocence. “There must be mouse-take, father. I’d never steal, I’m a good church-going rodent!”
The priest replied “I have video evidence of you sneaking off with the sacramental wine. You’ve violated our trust!”
Bowing his furry head in shame, the mouse apologized. “You’re right, I’m guilty as squeaked. It was wrong of me to lie. I’ll accept any cheese-ance you’re willing to offer.”
The merciful priest sentenced him to 30 Hail Maries and 20 minutes of mousetrap duty. Lesson learned!
51. A mouse was scurrying through a hardware store when he came upon an interesting display. It was a line of glue traps, each with a different label: Low Tack, Ultra Tack, Industrial Strength.
The curious mouse couldn’t resist inspecting each trap closely. He stuck a paw on the Low Tack glue – not bad, he was able to pull it off after some effort. Feeling bold, he went for the Ultra Tack. It took him a while to tug his paw free from the super sticky glue. Then he saw the Industrial Strength trap. “Surely just one paw couldn’t hurt…” he squeaked. Three hours later, the mouse was still firmly glued in place, cursing his tempting mousey curiosity.
52. A mouse walked into a pet store, decked out in miniature biker gear. “Hey bud, I wanna buy a ride,” he squeaked at the clerk. “Something sleek, loud, and fast.”
The puzzled clerk showed him some hamster wheels and exercise saucers. The mouse scoffed “C’mon man, those are lame. I need a hardcore hog, like a mini Harley.”
The clerk apologized that they didn’t carry motorcycles suited for mice.
“No problem, I’ll just mod one of these suckers,” declared the mouse. He hopped onto a saucer, whizzing around and around, squeaking “Freedom!” Vroom vroom, look out world – this mouse was born to ride.
53. A mouse was scurrying through an attic when he stumbled upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub, a genie appeared in a puff of smoke. “You have freed me, master! I shall grant you three wishes,” declared the genie.
The mouse’s eyes lit up. “I want a lifetime supply of cheese!” The genie snapped his fingers, summoning a huge hoard of cheese. The mouse wished for cheese every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. For his final wish, he wanted to live in a beautiful mouse mansion made of swiss cheese.
As the mouse feasted happily on cheese in his new home, the genie watched him and chuckled. “You mice are all the same, your only interests are squeaking and cheese!”
54. A mouse was caught red-pawed stealing cash from an ATM. When questioned by police, he claimed “I’m mouse-taken, officers, I don’t even have a bank account! I’m just an innocent rodent.”
Unconvinced, the cops showed him security footage clearly showing him scurrying into the ATM’s inner workings.
“Alright fine, you caught me,” the mouse sighed. “I needed to get some squeaker to fix my moped, so I took a little cheddar from the cash machine. But I swear this is my first time thieving, I’m no criminal mouse-termind!”
He was sentenced to 3 months of community service, cleaning up crumbs at a local preschool. Those kids really knew how to make a mess!
55. A mouse walked into a monster truck rally. He went up to the biggest, loudest truck and shouted “Hey! I wanna drive!”
The driver looked down in surprise and said “A little mouse like you wants to drive my big monster truck? Can you even reach the pedals?”
The mouse replied “Of course I can drive this thing! Don’t judge me by my size, I’ve got the heart of a lion. Just give me the keys, I’ll show you what this mouse can do!”
Amused, the driver picked up the mouse and put him behind the wheel, curious to see if he actually could drive. The little mouse started up the rumbling engine, a determined squeak on his face.
56. A mouse was scurrying through a kitchen looking for food when he came across a massive mousetrap. He stared at it hesitantly, wondering if the cheese on the trap was worth the risk. Just then, a big black cat came prowling into the kitchen.
The mouse’s eyes widened in fear as the cat cornered him. Making a split-second decision, he rushed towards the giant mousetrap and jumped on the metal bar, triggering it and snapping the bar down harmlessly over his body.
The cat swiped at the trap angrily as the mouse peaked out from the side, safe behind the metal bars that had just saved his life. “Outsmarted again!” he squeaked triumphantly.
57. A mouse was caught sneaking through the White House and arrested by Secret Service. When questioned, he claimed to be a British spy named James Mouseton.
“Your mission was to infiltrate the White House undetected, I assume?” asked the interrogating officer.
“That’s mouse-classified information,” replied the mouse in a posh British accent. “Revealing government secrets would be most un-British of me.”
The officer presented satellite photos of the mouse entering through a drainage pipe. “The evidence we have here suggests you’re simply a rodent pest. There are no records of a British spy matching your description.”
Cornered, the mouse replied “Very well, you’ve caught me. I’m no spy, just a regular mouse trying to scrounge up some grub.” He was promptly released into a field far from the White House. “I almost pulled it off,” he squeaked in