Mermaid Puns (15)
- What do you call a mermaid who skips school? A tru-ant!
- What do you call a group of mermaid mathematicians? An algae-bra class!
- How does a mermaid call her friends? She sea-shells them!
- Where do mermaids see movies? The dive-in theater!
- How do mermaids communicate underwater? With shell phones!
- What’s a mermaid’s favorite TV show? MythBusters!
- What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair? An ariel roll!
- Why don’t mermaids wear life jackets? They’re buoyant enough!
- What do you call a sleepy mermaid? A nap-tuna!
- How do mermaids stay in shape? They kelp fit!
- What’s a mermaid’s favorite musical instrument? The sea-tar!
- Where do mermaids keep their money? Riverbanks!
- How does a mermaid cook dinner? In a stir fry pan!
- What do you call a mermaid who loves music? Ariel B!
- What do you call a mermaid who loves flowers? A sea anemone!
Mermaid One-Liners (15)
- I tried mermaid yoga but couldn’t fin-ish the poses.
- Mermaids don’t wear bras because there’s no sea.
- I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up but realized the job mar-kets are different underwater.
- Mermaids only call each other from shell phones because there are no cell towers in the ocean.
- Ariel couldn’t decide between getting feet or getting defeated.
- Mermaids can be divas when they have a bad hari-day.
- Mermaids spend a lot of time tide up in seaweed.
- Starfish wish they could be sea stars like mermaids.
- Mermaid moms have to keep an eye out for angler fish who might lure their merbabies astray.
- Dinglehoppers double as both comb and fork for mermaid picnics.
- Who sleeps with fishes? Mermaids of course!
- Mermaid school is all about learning to swim, navigating currents and looking your fishiest.
- Mermen are always trying to get in good with the mermaids by flexing their mussels.
- Seashell bras offer great support for active mermaid lifestyles.
- Merfolk of all ages love to blow bubbles for fun.
Best Mermaid Jokes (25)
- Little Mermaid on Broadway was such a fail. Did you sea it? The actors had to walk on the stage wearing fish-tail costumes while singing with primarily their heads and shoulders exposed. Worst of all, the mermaid actresses couldn’t actually swim in water! It made suspension of disbelief absolutely impossible.
- Being a mermaid seems so glamorous, but it’s not all fun and games living under the sea. I tried out for the mermaid swim team in 5th grade but couldn’t compete because I got terrible cramps during my dolphin kicks. The salty water gave me dry, flaky tail skin too. Plus, balancing my homework schedule on top of daily swim practice was rough. My parents always told me becoming a professional mermaid takes dedication and sacrifice. In the end, I realized I just wanted to live a normal human life on land.
- I’ll never forget the day my friend Madison fell in love with a human boy while we were swimming near the shore. She became totally obsessed and started asking me questions about humans nonstop, like “What’s it like to walk?” and “How do you hold things without fins?” Her crush got so bad she swam to the local sea witch and traded her voice to become human. I had to stop her before she went through with it! As her best friend, I reminded her she’s a strong independent mermaid who doesn’t need a man. Plus, she looks amazing in her seashell bikini while human girls can’t even breathe underwater. Madison finally came to her senses and called off the deal. Whew! Sisters before misters.
- So a merman, a sponge and a crab walk into a tiki bar. The merman is feeling down because he’s in love with the princess but she won’t even give him the time of day. The sponge and crab listen to the merman vent and offer consolation, “Don’t worry, just be yourself and eventually she’ll see how great you are.” The merman brightens up and says, “You know what, you’re right. I just need to keep showing my affection from a distance while respecting her boundaries. Eventually we’ll find our happily ever after.” The three friends order coconut cocktails and the sponge pulls out a clarinet to play calypso music. Before long, everyone in the bar is dancing and singing like no one is watching. Sometimes you just need to let loose with friends to get perspective!
- So a mermaid, an octopus and a shark are roommates searching for an affordable apartment. After a long day of hunting for places in their price range, they finally find a tiny sea cave within swimming distance of work. Even though it only has one bedroom, the rent is crazy cheap. They talk it over and decide to take the place. The mermaid offers to sleep in the bathtub so the octopus and shark can share the bedroom. At first things go smoothly, but soon problems emerge. The shark keeps the octopus up all night with her snoring. The octopus takes hour long showers, using up all the hot water. And the mermaid’s singing echoes loudly off the tile. After a few tense weeks, the stressed out trio decides to go their separate ways. The mermaid finds another cave near the beach, while the octopus and shark get a two bedroom. In the end, compatibility is about compromise.
- One day, a curious young mermaid decides to explore a sunken shipwreck. She swims through a porthole into the dark interior, using her glowing tail as a flashlight. Floating down the flooded corridors, she finds spooky skeletons of sailors at their stations. In the captain’s quarters, she sees a massive treasure chest. As she approaches with anticipation, the lid creaks open to reveal…it’s completely empty! A ship’s parrot startles her, squawking “X marks the spot!” from the rafters above. The mermaid frantically searches the walls for a clue until she finds a faint carved X. She pushes on that spot and a secret compartment pops open, spilling piles of gold coins and jewels! The parrot then says, “Shiver me timbers, we’re rich!” The mermaid grabs as much loot as she can carry, leaving the rest for the parrot. Together, they live happily ever after with their pirate plunder.
- So a Jamaican crab and a forgetful fish are following a treasure map to Neptune’s Lost City. After hours of swimming around in circles unable to find it, they toss the useless map in frustration. Right as they turn back toward home, the crab notices an odd rock formation that looks just like the drawing on the map. He grabs the fish and says “Mon, I tink dis is the spot!” Swimming closer, they realize it’s a vast underwater metropolis. As they explore the abandoned ruins, a strange current sweeps them into an ancient aqueduct. They scream as it sucks them into darkness. Suddenly, they get spit out into a hidden underwater cave filled with gold and jewels! The fish says, “I don’t remember how we got here, but I’m glad we found this treasure, mon!” The crab just rolls his eyes and they live like kings.
- A clueless merman wanted to impress the local mermaids, so he swam around bragging about his human collection. “I’ve got forks, bottles, fishing nets, all kinds of cool stuff!” he’d say proudly. But the mermaids didn’t look very interested. Then, he spotted a beautiful seashell necklace at a shipwreck and brought it to the prettiest mermaid. Her face lit up when he presented it to her. As soon as she eagerly put it on, the merman took his chance and asked her on a date. She finally said yes! He realized trinkets alone couldn’t win her over—he had to show thoughtfulness too. They eventually fell in love, and the merman stopped collecting human junk, because she was the only treasure he needed.
- A stressed-out corporate mermaid decided to take a tropical vacation. She found a perfect beachside villa with an amazing ocean view. Looking forward to some rest, she spent the first day lounging on the shore, sipping seaweed cocktails. Later, she went snorkeling and saw the most beautiful coral reef with colorful fish. Feeling refreshed already, she had a great night’s sleep to the sound of waves. The next morning, two sea turtles swam right up and let her feed them! After petting their cute heads, the mermaid realized she felt content just appreciating the simple pleasures in life. She decided then and there to quit her hectic job when she got home. From that day forward, she lived barefin and carefree.
- An artisan mermaid loved finding ocean treasures and making jewelry. She searched deep shipwrecks and cave systems to collect rare materials. Using these, she created one-of-a-kind pieces that were in high demand. While exploring one day, she found a giant oyster with a huge black pearl. She pried it open and marveled at the discovery. It would become her masterpiece. She polished the pearl and set it with glittering sapphires and diamonds on a golden seashell necklace. Merfolk from across the ocean came to buy it for thousands of pearls. Overnight, she became extremely wealthy from that single work of art. She used the profits to open a luxury jewelry shop, but always remembered her humble beginnings.
- A famous rockstar merman had it all—fortune, fame and fans—but he was depressed. He felt creatively stifled by the music industry and missed the simple life. One day, while swimming in shallow water, his luxurious long hair got tangled in seaweed near a fishing dock. A sweet young mermaid came to help untangle him. They began talking and realized they had a lot in common. He invited her to his mansion that evening. As she gazed in wonder at his trophies and riches, he was embarrassed. They ended up sitting on a sandy beach together stargazing and it was perfect. She liked him for his heart, not his fame. He saw a happy future with her by his side. Sometimes love finds you when you least expect it.
- A hyperactive young mermaid begged her parents to let her have a seahorse for her birthday. They warned seahorses required lots of care but she promised to be responsible. On the big day, she woke up extra early to set up the new tank. She fed her seahorse a full meal and sang it a song. But within an hour, she got bored and went to play. When she returned that night, the seahorse looked sick from lack of food and attention. The mermaid felt awful realizing the hard way how much neglect hurts. From then on, she put in the time and effort to really bond with it. They became best friends and went everywhere together. Having a pet taught her to think of others first.
- An adventurous mermaid was tired of the same dull reefs near her home. She wanted excitement and to see the wonders of the open ocean. Her parents repeatedly warned her it was too dangerous for mermaids to swim out that far. But eventually she bravely ventured out anyway. The freedom felt great at first until the current swept her into a tangle of kelp. As she panicked trying to escape, a shark appeared! Just then, a mysterious dolphin intervened and led the shark away. The grateful mermaid found her way out and headed quickly back to shore. She realized maybe her parents were right after all. She was wiser for the experience but wouldn’t stray so far again.
- A hoarding mermaid had a giant sea cave overflowing with human treasures, but she always wanted more. While exploring for antiques one day, she spotted an antique glass bottle and grabbed it without looking inside. Back in her cave, she noticed a small smoke cloud come out as she set it down. Suddenly, a mean magic genie appeared! He was furious she had freed him from centuries of isolation. The frightened mermaid begged forgiveness but the genie refused to be kind. As punishment, he took away all her possessions in a flash, leaving only an empty cave. For the first time, she realized material things brought no happiness, only selfishness. She set out to make amends, helping others in need. In the end, she felt fulfilled by giving instead of getting.