Mailman Puns (15)
1. I heard the mailman got a new job delivering pizzas. I guess he wanted to branch out into food delivery after getting his fill of mail delivery.
2. My mailman friend was telling me about his plans to go backpacking across Europe this summer. I said, “That sounds like a stamp of approval for your vacation days.”
3. The mailman slipped on the icy sidewalk and spilled letters all over the ground. He picked himself back up and said, “Well, time to re-address these envelopes.”
4. Our mailman is retiring next week after 30 years on the job. I guess it’s time for him to post his resignation.
5. I asked the mailman, “How’s it going today?” He said, “Oh, you know, lots of junk mail as usual.” I said, “Well, one person’s junk mail is another person’s treasure.”
6. The neighborhood mailman somehow delivers our mail to the wrong house almost every day. I guess he has a mis-delivery complex.
7. My mailman friend has not been feeling well lately. I told him, “Maybe you should consider going out on medical stamp-leave.”
8. I saw my mailman reading a magazine on his break today. I asked what he was reading and he said, “It’s a catalogue about mailboxes. I’m really into mail stuff.”
9. The mailman tripped on my front steps today and dropped my package. He said, “I am so sorry about that, it was completely my stamp fault.”
10. Our mailman told us he was switching career paths to become a chef. That’s an odd postal change of address if you ask me.
11. I asked the mailman if he ever gets bored doing the same mail route every day. He said, “Nah, it’s always an adventure. I just take it one mailbox at a time.”
12. My mailman friends like to go bowling together after work sometimes. They call themselves the Pin Pals.
13. The mailman slipped on the icy sidewalk and spilled my package open. He quickly tried gathering everything up and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll re-package this for you!”
14. Our neighborhood mailman is retiring soon. I asked what he plans to do with all his free time. He said, “Relax, read some magazines, and work on my stamp collection.”
15. My mailman friend told me about his dream to open up a sandwich shop after he retires from the post office. He would call it “Pressed Panini’s” and all the ingredients would be shaped like letters and stamps.
Mailman One-Liners (15)
16. I asked my mailman if it ever rains during his shift. He said, “Yeah, it really pours sometimes!”
17. Mailman motto: Weather rain or shine, it’s package delivery time!
18. How does a mailman stay cool in the summer heat? By using his last name for a fan!
19. Mailman’s pen of choice? A permanent marker!
20. How does the mailman keep dogs away? With his repel-ant spray!
21. What do mailmen do when they get stressed? They go on postal leave!
22. How does a mailman organize letters? Alphabetically and numerically!
23. What do you call stolen letters and packages? Mail fraud!
24. Why do mailmen get bored on the job? Because it’s the same mail route every day!
25. How does a mailman track your package? With the tracking barcode!
26. What’s a mailman’s favorite sport? Long jump – to leap over fences!
27. Why do mailmen need good memories? To remember everyone’s address!
28. How does a mailman stay dry in the rain? With his rain-resistant uniform!
29. What do you call a mailman who works too hard? Post-traumatic stressed!
30. Why do mailmen wake up early? To get a head start on deliveries!
Best Mailman Jokes (25)
31. A family was getting ready to go on vacation and asked their mailman if he could hold their mail for a week until they got back. The mailman agreed, and a week later when the family arrived home they asked if he had received much mail for them. The mailman replied, “Oh, it was pretty heavy the first few days, but by the end of the week it was just junk mail.”
32. Jake the mailman was nearing retirement age but didn’t have enough savings yet to retire. He decided he needed to find a part time job he could do on weekends and nights to supplement his income. He saw an ad for a pizza delivery driver and thought it would be perfect since he already knew all the streets and addresses. On Jake’s first night delivering pizzas, he accidentally delivered a pizza to his own house. His wife opened the door, looked at the pizza confused, and said “Jake, I think you have the wrong house!”
33. Doug the mailman was nearing the end of his route on a cold, sleety winter day when he slipped on some ice and twisted his ankle. He was in a lot of pain but still had one more package to deliver that day. He hobbled up to the house, gently sat the package down on the porch, rang the doorbell, and then hightailed it back to his mail truck around the corner just as the owner opened the door. He thought he had gotten away unseen until the next day when the owner handed him a note. It said “Nice try leaving that package yesterday without saying anything! Are you okay?”
34. Greg was a conscientious mailman who really cared about all the families on his route. One day right before Christmas, a family called the post office and asked if the mailman could please come back later that day. They were waiting on an important express package delivery and they would all be home later in the afternoon. Greg finished his route quickly and returned to the house just as the family was arriving home. They were so grateful that he came back and the kids on the block even started calling him “Santa’s Helper Mailman.”
35. Martin had been working as a mailman for over 25 years and knew the ins and outs of the neighborhood perfectly. He retired and moved to a new town, but quickly grew bored during his days with no job to go to. One afternoon, Martin put on his old mailman uniform and went for a walk, delivering pretend mail to the houses along the way. He would place a rock on people’s porches and say “Special delivery!” as he walked by.
36. Victor the mailman was nearing retirement age after 30 years on the job. For his postal retirement party, all the neighbors on his route pitched in to throw him a surprise celebration. When Victor arrived, over 50 people jumped out to yell “Surprise!” and thank him for his dedication over the years. There was food, music, and even a few speeches about Victor’s friendliness and reliability as a mail carrier. At the end of the party, the neighbors presented Victor with a scrapbook filled with photos, cards, and memories from his years as their beloved mailman.
37. Malcolm was training a new mailman named Gus on his route. Malcolm told Gus, “Now this neighborhood has a lot of friendly dogs, so be prepared for that.” Gus practiced his dog safety techniques as they walked. However, when one huge German Shepherd bounded straight for Gus, he panicked and climbed on top of the mail truck. Malcolm started laughing and said, “Don’t worry Gus, that dog is harmless. But I probably should have trained you on dealing with difficult cats first!”
38. Sam was nearing the end of his long mail route when his cart got a flat tire. He didn’t have a spare or any tools to fix it. Reluctantly, he started walking the rest of the route to finish his deliveries. One kind neighbor saw Sam struggling and offered to let him borrow his wheelbarrow to haul the mail for the last few streets on the route. Sam thanked the man profusely and made a note to do something nice for him in the future.
39. Mark the mailman had a reputation around the neighborhood for always having a cheerful whistled tune as he delivered the mail every day. One morning, he came walking down the street with no whistle to be heard. A neighbor asked him if everything was alright. Mark explained his whistling kept getting him in trouble with his boss. The community immediately rallied together and petitioned Mark’s boss to repeal the whistling ban, letting him know how much it brightened their days.
40. When Carl the mailman arrived at a house on his route one day, he noticed the door had been left wide open. No one appeared to be home. Concerned, he walked inside and called out “Hello?” When he didn’t get a response, he quickly checked each room to make sure nothing was amiss. Just then, the homeowner walked in carrying groceries and exclaimed “Carl! What are you doing in my house?” Carl explained he was making sure they were ok since the door was open. The homeowner chuckled and said “Well thanks for looking out for us, but next time just pull the door shut!”
41. Marty the mailman was nearing retirement when he unexpectedly injured his back on the job. His doctor said he could no longer carry mail, effectively ending Marty’s career immediately. The community rallied around Marty, holding a fundraiser to help support him in this difficult transition. Though Marty could no longer deliver mail, neighbors made sure he knew how much of a positive impact he made over the years.
42. Gary was a substitute mailman filling in on a route he was unfamiliar with. He accidentally skipped an entire block and didn’t realize it until he was a few streets over. Unsure of the proper way to handle his mistake, Gary turned around and started opening each mailbox on the missed block and yelling “Is anyone home missing their mail?” One by one, the residents heard the commotion and came outside laughing at the unorthodox but earnest delivery blunder.
43. Isaac the mailman prided himself on personally knowing every resident on his route. One day, he noticed a new family had moved in but he hadn’t met them yet. Eager to introduce himself, he knocked on their door during his delivery rounds the next day. A confused woman opened the door and Isaac said “Welcome to the neighborhood! I’m your friendly mailman, let me know if you need anything.” The woman said “Oh, we’re just house sitting for our relatives this week, but I’ll be sure to let them know!”
44. Ryan the mailman was nearing the end of his shift on a hot summer day when he ran out of water. An elderly lady he knew along his route saw him wiping sweat from his brow and motioned for him to come to her porch. She had prepared two big glasses of freshly squeezed lemonade for him as a refreshing treat. Ryan thanked her profusely and from then on, she always had homemade beverages ready for him on sweltering days.
45. Bill the mailman was beloved around the neighborhood he had been serving for over a decade. For his 60th birthday, the residents on his route banded together to do something special. When Bill made his deliveries that day, over 50 houses had birthday cards waiting for him. He collected cards his whole route, each with a personal note of appreciation for his many years as their loyal mail carrier.
46. Alan the mailman was nearing retirement when his eyesight started deteriorating rapidly. Though he could no longer drive safely for deliveries, he didn’t want to fully retire just yet. The community petitioned the post office, and they agreed to provide Alan a walking route in the neighborhood once a week so he could continue delivering mail part-time. It was a slower pace but allowed Alan to extend his treasured mail carrying days.
47. Frank was a speedy mailman who often finished his route early. Whenever he had extra time, he would walk through the neighborhood picking up any litter he spotted on the ground. The residents were always impressed and would yell out their windows “Thanks for keeping the neighborhood clean, Frank!” It just came naturally to Frank – after all, keeping things orderly was in his postal blood.
48. Marcus the mailman took pride in memorizing all the names on his route so he could address people personally. One day, a new resident he didn’t recognize walked up just as Marcus said “Hello, Katie!” The man laughed and introduced himself as Katie’s husband, Ben. From then on, Marcus made sure to remember Ben’s name too.
49. Harold was training a new mail carrier named Wendy who was still learning all the streets in the neighborhood. As they walked down a road with many turns, Wendy accidentally led them to a dead-end. She was embarrassed by her mistake but Harold just chuckled and said, “Don’t worry, I got lost all the time when I started. You’ll know this route like the back of your hand soon enough!”
50. Sam the mailman discovered one house on his route had a broken mailbox that kept opening and spilling envelopes onto the ground. He knocked on the door and offered to repair it with some tools he kept in his truck. The homeowners were so grateful for Sam’s helpfulness and insistence on going the extra mile for their mail.
51. Reginald was a seasoned mail carrier who took pride in delivering directly to each door rather than just depositing mail in boxes. One cold day when folks were staying bundled up indoors, Reginald noticed the older widow Mrs. Mathews hadn’t come out to greet him as usual. Worried about her wellbeing, he rang her bell until she came to the door and affirmed she was safe and healthy.
52. Mailman Maurice was beloved on his route for his uplifiting attitude and a quirky habit: as he walked, he would shoot pretend jump shots at the basketball hoops around the neighborhood. The kids loved running outside to rebound for him. One holiday, the whole block chipped in to buy him a new basketball with everyone’s signature as a gift of appreciation.
53. Greg notices the same car following behind him throughout his deliveries every day. Unsure if he’s being monitored or the driver needs help, Greg finally walks up and introduces himself. The man explains he just started working from home and enjoys seeing the friendly mailman out his window each afternoon. Greg is relieved and tells the man to feel free to wave hello anytime!
54. Todd the longtime mailman is scheduled to train the son of a former trainee now retired. On their first day, the young man recognizes the neighborhood immediately and shares that he grew up there dreaming of being a mail carrier like his father. Todd is moved to be training a second generation and promises to impart the same care and wisdom.
55. Rosa the mailwoman arrives at a house only to find the driveway blocked by a huge fallen tree branch. She can’t reach the mailbox but is determined to succeed. Rosa squeezes and climbs her way through thick brush and saplings, finally emerging triumphant on the other side to complete her mail delivery against all odds. The recipients watch the whole scene unfold in astonished disbelief.