Lion Puns
1. Why do lions make terrible therapists? They’re always lion!
2. Did you hear about the lion who joined the army? His fellow soldiers said he was an excellent lion tenant.
3. Why don’t lions like fast food? They don’t want to be fast food!
4. Why did the lion get invited to all the cool parties? Because he was the king of the jungle!
5. How do you know when a lion’s done cleaning himself? When he’s feline fine!
6. Did you hear about the shy lion? He was too sheepish to come out of his den!
7. What do you call a lion who chases camels across the desert? A game of cat and dromedary!
8. Why don’t lions cheat at games? Because they have pride!
9. Why did the lion join the stamp collecting club? He wanted to complete his pride!
10. What did the lion say when it wasdone making dinner? It’s roar time!
11. Why don’t lions eat clowns? They taste funny!
12. How do lions greet each other? Paws-itively!
13. Why was the lion cranky? He missed his cat-nap!
14. Did you hear about the lion who had fleas? He was scratching his mane!
15. What do you call a happy lion? A delight!
Lion One-Liners
16. I once saw a lion wearing a stylish hat. It was a dandy lion!
17. I decided to visit the lions at the zoo, but when I got there, they were lions around!
18. I heard a new male lion just joined the pride. I guess you could say he’s the new lion king!
19. I was going to tell a joke about a lion, but I don’t think you’d get it. It would just go in one ear and out the otter!
20. Did you know female lions do 90% of the hunting? I guess you could say the lionesses are the real kings of the jungle!
21. What do you call a lion that got in trouble? A dandelion!
22. How do lions greet each other in London? Cheerio!
23. What do you get if you cross a lion with a lamb? A lamb chop!
24. Why are lions never greedy? Because they have pride!
25. What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion!
26. Why can’t you trust lions? They’re always lion!
27. Want to hear a joke about a lion? Never mind, it would just go in one ear and out the otter!
28. Why don’t lions like pepper? Because they’re afraid it will make them sneeze!
29. How does a lion like its steak cooked? Roar!
30. What’s a lion’s favorite sporting event? The Superb Owl!
Best Lion Jokes
31. A lion, a tiger, and a cheetah went to a cafe. The lion ordered a latte, the tiger ordered chai tea, and the cheetah ordered nothing. “Why aren’t you getting anything?” asked the others. “I’m fine,” said the cheetah. “I’ll just spot you guys this time.”
32. A lion wakes up one morning with a sore on his tongue. It hurts whenever he eats or drinks, so he goes to see the dentist. After examining the lion’s mouth, the dentist says, “Well, I’m afraid you have a very contagious infection called lionitis. If you give tongue to someone, they’ll catch it too.”
33. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his phone. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and ate him up. The moral of the story? A reader digests, a scroller gets to live another day.
34. Did you hear about the programmer who was thrown to the lions? The lions refused to eat him because they couldn’t handle any more bugs!
35. What do you call it when a group of lions shows off their jumping skills? A lion pride!
36. Why don’t lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
37. A lion walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you serve food here?” The bartender says “No.” The lion reaches over the bar, grabs him, and eats him. The moral of the story? Don’t lie to a hungry lion!
38. What did the lion say to his friends before telling a fib? “I don’t mean to lion, but…”
39. Why don’t lions hang out with skunks? Because they can’t stand the stench!
40. How do you fix a broken lion? With a monkey wrench!
41. Where do lions go to borrow books? The librory!
42. Why is it so easy for lions to get dates? Because they’re great at cat-ching women!
43. What happened when the lion ate a comedian? He felt funny!
44. Why don’t lions eat bananas? They can’t peel them!
45. What do you call a lion who lost his mane? Bare-y the lion!
46. Did you hear about the lion who joined the orchestra? Now it’s a pride of lions!
47. Why don’t lions like fast food? Because they don’t want to be fast food!
48. How do you distract a hungry lion? Throw it a chew toy!
49. Why was the lion cranky? Because he had a thorn in his paw!
50. What do you call a sleeping lion? A lion (lying) down!
51. Why did the lion get thrown out of the zoo? For stalking the guests!
52. How do lions like their steak cooked? Roar!
53. What do you call a lion wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
54. Why don’t lions drink chamomile tea? Because it makes them sleepy!
55. Did you hear about the lion who was a picky eater? He only ate gazelles who were under a mane age!
56. What game do lions love to play with giraffes? Leap giraffe!
57. Why don’t lions ride bicycles? They don’t have thumbs to ring the bell!
58. What do you call a lazy lion? A dande-lion!
59. Why are lions never afraid of the rain? Because they’re always feline fine!
60. What do you call a lion who meditates? A feeline!
61. Why did the lion walk out of the comedy movie? He didn’t find it very roaring!
62. Why don’t lions wear scarves? They always have manes!
63. What happened when the two lions got into a fight? There was a claw-ver!
64. Why don’t lionesses like knock knock jokes? Because they can never find the lion!
65. Why was the baby lion so sad? She missed her mommy and daddy!
66. What’s a lion’s favorite cheese? Roquefort-of-the-jungle!
67. How do lions stay connected? They use their pride WIFI!
68. Why do lions make great construction workers? They’re professionals at roaring!
69. What’s a lion’s favorite dessert? Zebra cake!
70. Did you hear about the clumsy lion? He was always feline down!
71. Why don’t lions live in igloos? They can’t handle the snow pride!
72. What do you get if you cross a hungry lion with a banana peel? A slip up!
73. Why do lions make terrible barbers? They only know how to give crew cuts!
74. What did the lion say to his cubs before storytime? “Tonight it’s my turn to roar!”
75. How does a lion start their day? They mane-age their time wisely!
76. Why don’t lions believe in sharing? They like to keep things pride-vate!
77. What do you call a lion who doesn’t care what others think? Frelion!
78. Why are lions so self-assured? They have a lot of pride!
79. What do you call a lion who sells insurance? An agent!
80. Why don’t lions need cell phones? They like to keep in touch!
81. What do you call a lion who’s also a mechanic? A pride fixer!
82. Why are lions never nervous on first dates? They’re not afraid to claw it up!
83. How do you know when lions are getting old? When they start lion low!
84. Why did the lion cross the road? To get to the other pride!
