Leg Puns
1. I wanted to become a foot model, but I didn’t have a leg to stand on.
2. My friend got his leg amputated, but don’t worry—he’s all right now!
3. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg? He had a peg leg he could stand on!
4. Why don’t spiders stick to the legs of tables? They don’t get caught in double-leg traps!
5. I was going to tell a joke about legs, but it’s a long story I’d rather not stand for.
6. Did you hear about the man with only one leg who attempted to audition for Riverdance? Poor guy—he didn’t have a leg to stand on!
7. My friend got injured during a hike and now needs crutches. I told him not to worry though—he still has a leg up on me in our relationship!
8. What do you call an insect that only has one leg? A uni-leg!
9. Did you hear about the man with a prosthetic leg who got arrested? Yeah, I heard he’s up on some pretty serious charges. They’re accusing him of being an impostor leg!
10. My friend was showing off her new leggings today. I told her they look great, but she shouldn’t get too leggy with me.
11. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg named Smith? Yeah, he’s a peg-leg Smith!
12. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter what you call it, it still won’t come.
13. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? De brie was everywhere!
14. Did you hear about the man who got hit by a car and broke his leg? Don’t worry—he’ll be fine. It was just a fracture of his imagination!
15. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
16. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie!
17. Did you hear about the angry pirate who got his leg blown off by a cannon? He’s hopping mad!
18. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese!
19. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
20. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? All that was left was de brie!
Leg One-Liners
21. I wanted to be a foot model, but I just didn’t have a leg to stand on.
22. My friend with one leg took up running to boost his self-confidence. You could say he’s off on the right foot.
23. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg? He’s just shipping mad!
24. I entered a race with a man who had one leg. I won by a foot!
25. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie!
26. I tried to tell my leg a joke, but it didn’t find me humerus.
27. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg named Peg? Yeah, he’s hopping mad!
28. My friend got his leg amputated, but don’t worry—he’s all right now!
29. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call it, it still won’t come.
30. Why don’t spiders stick to table legs? They don’t get caught in double leg traps!
31. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie!
32. I wanted to tell a joke about legs, but it’s a long story I’d rather not stand for.
33. What do you call an insect with one leg? A uni-leg!
34. My friend got injured hiking and now needs crutches. He still has a leg up on me though!
35. Did you hear about the man with a wooden leg who got arrested? They charged him with being an impostor leg!
36. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
37. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a peg leg named Smith? Yeah, he’s hopping mad!
38. I told my leg a joke but it didn’t find me humerus.
39. Did you hear about the man who broke his leg? Don’t worry—it was just a fracture of his imagination!
40. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
Best Leg Jokes
41. A man with a prosthetic leg was struggling to find work. He just couldn’t seem to land a job. Finally, he found an opening at the local brewery. He went in for an interview and the manager seemed impressed. “You’re hired,” the manager said. “But I have to warn you, it’s hard work walking up and down the aisles 10 hours a day.” The man smiled and patted his prosthetic leg. “Ah no problem, I’ll be just fine,” he said confidently. “I promise you won’t hear a peg out of me!”
42. Did you hear about the pirate captain who had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch? He was a great leader but not a very good listener. Whenever someone told him something he’d say, “I hear you! I hear you!” But the truth was, he only heard them about half the time.
43. A man with one leg wanted to try out for the local soccer team. “Don’t be ridiculous,” scoffed the coach. “You can’t play soccer with just one leg.” “Oh yes I can!” said the man. He hobbled onto the field, swung his leg wildly and scored a beautiful goal. The impressed coach shook his hand and said, “Congratulations! You’re on the team. By the way, do you have a nickname you like to go by?” “Just call me Eileen,” said the man.
44. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
45. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call it, it still won’t come.
46. Did you hear the joke about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Well, there’s not much left to say about it really. There was just de brie everywhere.
47. Why don’t eggs tell jokes to each other? Because they’d crack each other up!
48. Did you hear about the pirate who lost his leg in a sea battle? He’s not upset about it though. Now he just gets to kick back and relax!
49. I entered a race with a man who had one leg. I won by a foot!
50. Did you hear about the angry pirate captain with a peg leg who fell overboard? Yeah, now he’s hopping mad!
51. I wanted to tell my leg a funny joke to try and get a kick out of it. But it didn’t seem to find me very humerus.
52. What do you call someone with no body or nose? Nobody knows!
53. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was literally just de brie everywhere.
54. Why don’t eggs tell jokes to each other? They’d crack each other up!
55. Did you hear about the pirate captain with a peg leg and a hook hand? He was a great leader but you could say he was just going around in circles!
56. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg who fell overboard and got eaten by a shark? He’s pretty mad about the situation but he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
57. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
58. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
59. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
60. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
61. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie!
62. I told my leg a funny joke but it didn’t find me very humerus.
63. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter what you call it, it still won’t come!
64. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
65. Did you hear about the angry pirate with a wooden leg who got his foot stuck in a bucket? Yeah, he was hopping mad!
66. I wanted to be a foot model but I just didn’t have a leg to stand on.
67. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de brie!
68. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
69. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick!