Kale Puns
1. I couldn’t find my keys this morning, so I decided to retrace my steps… which led me back to the fridge where I was snacking on kale at 3am.
2. My friend called and asked me how I was doing. I said, “Oh, you know, just living that kale life.”
3. What do you call a super healthy green vegetable? A kale-ifornian.
4. Why did the kale get invited to all the parties? Because it’s such a social kale!
5. Want to hear a joke about kale? Never mind, it might be too corny for you.
6. Did you hear about the kale that won an Oscar? It was outstanding in its field.
7. Why don’t vampires eat kale? It causes garlic breath.
8. What do you call a sad piece of kale? A melan-collie.
9. How did the kale know exactly what to wear today? It consulted its meteorogist.
10. Why are kale smoothies so warm and friendly? They have a kale-idoscope of flavors!
11. Why was the kale unhappy at the party? It felt like a fifth wheel.
12. What did the mama kale say to her misbehaving baby kale? If you kale-ntinue this behavior, you’ll be in big trouble!
13. Why was the kale staring at its phone all day? It was addicted to kale-tinder.
14. Why did the kale blush? It saw the salad dressing.
15. What did one piece of kale say to the other? Lettuce stick together.
Kale One-Liners
16. I’m one of those vegetabales who actually enjoys kale.
17. Kale yeah! Pass me some more of that superfood.
18. Don’t kale my vibe with your healthy eating tips.
19. Kale-ifornia roll with it, I’ll stick to my junk food.
20. You had me at kale.
21. Keep calm and kale on.
22. I planted kale, I watered kale, I ate kale. The end.
23. Kale me maybe.
24. You can’t spell “kale” without “ale.” Coincidence? I think not.
25. I enjoy long walks through the kale fields.
Best Kale Jokes
26. What do you get when you cross broccoli with kale? A vegetable that even vegans won’t eat.
27. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his kale soup before it was cool.
28. My friend became obsessed with eating kale. He actually managed to turn into a completely different person. Now he’s just a shell of his former self.
29. I entered my pet kale plant into a vegetable beauty pageant. It won first prize for being the most gorgeous chlorophyll I’d ever seen.
30. I accidentally bought decaf coffee this morning. To make up for the lack of caffeine, I ate an entire bowl of kale. My stomach hurts but at least I’m wide awake.
31. I was feeling sluggish so I made a kale smoothie. Within minutes I was bursting with energy. Then I realized kale has a laxative effect. Never trust a kale smoothie.
32. My doctor told me I need to lose weight and eat healthier. Instead of exercising more, I’ve just been photographing all my junk food next to a bowl of kale. I’ll let her draw her own conclusions.
33. I entered a contest for who could eat the most kale in one sitting. I almost had it in the bag but then I realized the whole thing was rigged in favor of vegetarians.
34. Scientists have discovered that depriving someone of pizza and forcing them to eat kale instead constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
35. I accidentally ate a bowl of decorative plastic kale leaves. In my defense, they looked delicious.
36. Roses are red, violets are blue, kale is a superfood, but pizza tastes better too.
37. They say you are what you eat. If that’s true, I’m about 80% kale salad and 20% chocolate cake.
