Ice Puns (15)
1. I went to a hockey game and got hit with a puck. Now I have an ice pack on my head!
2. I was going to make some iced tea but all the ice cubes melted. What a missed opportunity!
3. The ice cream truck driver quit his job because it was too much pressure trying to crush the ice. I guess he cracked under the pressure.
4. I slipped on the icy sidewalk and hurt my back. Now my doctor says I have to ice it.
5. Did you hear about the new diet craze? It’s called the ice cube diet. You just eat ice cubes to lose weight. It has really cool results.
6. I was feeling stressed so I put some ice cubes in the bath. It was just what I needed to chill out.
7. We had a huge blizzard that left ice all over the roads. Driving anywhere was an ice capade.
8. Our freezer stopped working so we had to throw out all the ice cream. What a total meltdown!
9. I slipped down the icy stairs and hurt my leg. I guess that’s karma for not salting the sidewalk.
10. The hockey player was put in the penalty box for icing his opponent.
11. The ice dancers looked so graceful gliding across the rink. Their performance was absolutely chilling.
12. I was nervous about skating on the frozen pond. The ice was so thin it crackled under my feet.
13. The snowstorm knocked out our power overnight and everything in the fridge thawed. What an ice bummer!
14. I went skating on the lake but fell through thin ice into the freezing water. It was a break the ice moment I’ll never forget!
15. The skating rink closed early due to warm weather melting the ice. It was the end of an ice era.
Ice One-Liners (12)
16. I slip and slide across the ice, who knew skating could be so nice!
17. Ice in the winter, water in the spring, the changing seasons are an amazing thing.
18. An ice cube a day keeps the doctor away, just make sure not to chip a tooth!
19. Ice, ice baby! Cold as can be, solid as a rock and slippery, you see.
20. Frosty cold ice, glistening bright white, sliding on you is such a delight!
21. Chilly ice cubes clinking in my glass, a refreshing cold drink, this will surely pass.
22. Frozen water in solid form, ice cools us down and keeps drinks nicely cold.
23. Slippery ice underfoot, be careful not to slide and fall, or you’ll end up wet and cold after all.
24. Ice rinks and hockey are such great fun, skating and playing until the day is done.
25. An icy driveway or sidewalk is dangerous indeed, take small steps and go slow, safety we heed.
26. Winter’s cold breath makes lakes freeze over, ice fishing is fun with auger and rover.
27. Frosty windows and windshields icy too, scrape before driving so you can see the view.
Best Ice Jokes (26)
28. Why was the snowman smiling? Because he saw the snowblower coming down the street.
29. How do you find where the polar bear is hiding? Look for the snow prints!
30. My friend got hit in the head with a big chunk of ice. He was lucky it was an ice pack and not a brick!
31. Did you hear about the man who got frozen to his snowmobile? He was chilled to the bone.
32. Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks? Because they don’t have pockets!
33. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower at the Olympics? Shake N’ Spear!
34. Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose!
35. How do Eskimos make their beds? With sheets of ice and blankets of snow!
36. What do you call a snowman party? A meltdown!
37. How do you stop an ice rink from melting? You ice-olate it!
38. What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? A key!
39. Why do eskimos do laundry in Tide? Because it’s too cold out-tide!
40. How do you keep from getting cold feet? Don’t go around BRRfooted!
41. Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They wear snowcaps!
42. What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?
43. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
44. I went ice fishing and caught a huge fish but my line snapped and it got away. That’s ok though, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
45. Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? Don’t worry, he’s fully recovered now.
46. I was going to tell a joke about ice but it slipped my mind.
47. My friend slipped on the ice and hurt his back. I told him he should just let it go.
48. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it looks like you blew a seal. The penguin says no, that’s just ice cream!
49. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn?
50. The ice cubes wanted to hang out with the fridge but it gave them the cold shoulder.
51. Why did Frosty the Snowman take the bus to work every day? Because his car got towed for being illegally parked!
52. How does an Eskimo stick his house together? With igloo.
53. I slipped on the icy sidewalk and a nice lady asked if I was okay. I said “no, I’m bruised and battered!”