January Puns
1. I heard January is going to be pretty chill this year. You could even say it’ll be on ice!
2. Why was January looking forward to the new year? It was ready for a new start after December went out with a bang!
3. January 1st is just December 32nd with a new name.
4. What did January say when February asked to borrow a dollar? “Sorry, I’m a little short this month!”
5. Why does January frequently ask December for money? Because December always goes out with a bang!
6. January likes to start diets but February’s the one that sticks to them.
7. January is the Friday of months. It’s right before the weekend but there’s still some work to do.
8. January is the month we try to diet and exercise to make up for December’s festivities.
9. January is the gym membership salesperson’s best friend.
10. Why’s January so grumpy? It’s still recovering from December’s wild party.
11. January is the month to make goals you’ll give up on by February.
January One-Liners
12. My New Year’s resolution was to lose 10 pounds…only 15 more to go!
13. Back to reality after the holidays? Just kidding, January is a fantasy too.
14. Roses are red, the new year is here, my wallet is empty, but filled with holiday cheer.
15. The holidays are over, now it’s back to the daily grind of staring at the fridge.
16. My doctor said an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But in January, so does an empty bank account.
17. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious who the smarter one was.
18. I’m so glad the holidays are over. Now I can get back to staring at my phone and avoiding people.
19. You know it’s January when your Christmas tree becomes a Valentine’s tree overnight.
20. I’m still writing last year on my checks out of habit. Hope that doesn’t cause problems at the bank.
21. My 2023 resolution is to stop lying about my 2022 resolutions.
Best January Jokes
22. On January 1st I was feeling optimistic about the new year. Then my friend said, “See you next year!” and I remembered I still have to make it through this one.
23. My friend said, “Wow, 2023 came fast!” I told him, “Those are words you NEVER say to a woman.”
24. I asked my daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be a failure. I told her not to set her goals too high.
25. I entered the new year with a list of resolutions as long as my arm. Unfortunately, my arm is very short.
26. On New Year’s Day I looked back on 2022 and thought, “Wow, nothing went as planned.” Then I looked ahead at 2023 and thought, “I should really start planning stuff.”
27. My wife asked me what I wanted for 2023. Apparently “a time machine back to 2022” was not the right answer.
28. I’m really proud of my dad. This year he decided to finally quit his job. He didn’t actually have one, but it’s the thought that counts.
29. My neighbor tried to return her Christmas presents for cash. The retail workers just laughed and said, “Nice try, but you’ll have to wait until at least the 2nd to do that.”
30. On New Year’s Eve I was feeling nostalgic, so I pulled out my high school yearbook and flipped to the “Future Plans” section. My entry just said “I don’t know” with a shrugging emoji. I’ve really achieved a lot since then.
31. I wanted to be more active in 2023 so I just signed up for a bunch of email newsletters I’ll never read.
32. I was going to quit drinking for January but then I realized Dry January is just Prohibition propaganda.
33. Does anyone else write the wrong year for a couple weeks in January or is it just me?
34. Nothing motivates you to stick to your New Year’s resolutions like bargain post-holiday chocolate.
35. My 2023 resolution is to diet during the week and then binge eat on weekends. That basically balances out, right?
36. January is the Monday of months. The fun weekend of the holidays is over and now you have to get back to the dull routine.
37. I’m going to save so much money in January by never leaving my house or buying anything fun.
38. My neighbors still have their Christmas lights up. I think at this point it’s just laziness.
39. January is the month where I have to awkwardly write a new year on every document at work like I’m learning how to write it for the first time.
40. Forget New Year’s resolutions – my only goal for January is making it through the gloomy cold in one piece.
41. The best part about January is taking down the Christmas decorations so you can feel depressed without colorful lights mocking you.
42. January is the ultimate filler episode of months. It feels totally skippable.
43. My favorite January tradition is checking the mail constantly waiting for those sweet, sweet tax return checks to roll in.
44. Does January ever end or does it just keep getting perpetually colder while we descend into madness?
45. January is the month for reflecting on the past year while bracing for an uncertain future – so basically like every other month now.
46. I’m so glad I don’t have to write 2022 anymore. It took me forever to learn how to write it in the first place.
47. I’m naming January the official month of eternally wondering what day it is.
