Jam Puns
1. I wanted to make jam with berries, but it ended up being a preserves, not a jam. Guess I didn’t read the fruit fine print.
2. The band was pretty good, but the guitar solo was just jammed in there.
3. My friend got stuck in traffic because there was a jam at the intersection.
4. I asked the waiter if they had any jam to put on my toast. He said, “Sorry, we’re all out of jam today.” I responded, “Well that’s a jam shame!”
5. I tried making jam with kiwi fruit, but it turned into a preserves disaster.
6. The jazz concert was going well until all the musicians started jamming at once. It turned into a real jam session.
7. My roommate always hogs the bathroom in the morning. I wish she wouldn’t jam up my morning routine like that.
8. I wanted to make a jam sandwich, but I was in a jam when I realized we were out of jam.
9. The traffic was at a complete standstill. It was a bumper to bumper jam.
10. My coworker jammed the copy machine when he tried to scan 500 pages at once.
11. Thebaby kept throwing her food on the floor during dinner. Her high chair was a real mess of jammed up baby food.
12. The cable company said there was a jam in the line preventing our TV from working properly.
Jam One-Liners
13. I guess you could say traffic was…jammed up.
14. This guitar solo is really…jammin’!
15. Whoops, guess I…jammed the printer.
16. Uh oh, we’re in a…jam here.
17. These jam puns are…pretty preservin’ good!
18. Quit hogging the bathroom, you’re jamming up my morning!
19. Well this concert is just a real…jam session.
20. No toast for me, I’m in a jam sandwich…jam.
21. That baby’s high chair is looking mighty…jammed up.
22. The cable’s out? Must be a…jam in the line.
Best Jam Jokes
23. I went to a concert where the band kept playing endless guitar solos and jamming way longer than necessary on every song. After the fifth straight 15-minute jam, I turned to my friend and said, “This concert is like badly made homemade jam – there’s way too much fruit and not nearly enough sugar.”
24. The other day my 4-year old niece was eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich. With her mouth full of food, she looked up at me and said, “This samwich is jamazing!” And that’s the origin story of how the word “jamazing” entered our family’s vocabulary.
25. Last week, I got stuck in a terrible traffic jam on my way to an important meeting. After sitting still for 30 minutes, I decided to get out of the car and walk the rest of the way. As I trekked down the highway wearing my business suit, dodging cars left and right, other commuters stuck in traffic started cheering me on. One guy even rolled down his window and blasted “Highway to Hell” as I marched past. I finally made it to the meeting over an hour late, sweaty, dusty, and out of breath. But I gotta say, that impromptu jam session on the highway really made being stuck in traffic a lot more bearable.
26. When NASA launched its Space Jam initiative to get more young people excited about astronomy, they didn’t expect Michael Jordan to show up insisting he was the rightful owner of the Space Jam brand. After months of negotiations, NASA and Michael finally agreed on a co-branding effort called Astro Jam. As part of the deal, Jordan agreed to appear in some promotional Space Jam basketball camps encouraging kids to reach for the stars while shooting hoops.
27. For my niece’s 5th birthday party, we were trying to come up with some fun jam-themed food ideas to go with her Strawberry Shortcake birthday theme. I suggested we make little jam thumbprint cookies with different flavored jams in each indent. My sister-in-law though took it to the next level and made jam-filled cupcakes with strawberry, blueberry, and blackberry jam injected into the middle of vanilla cupcakes. The jam-filled cupcakes ended up being the hit of the party! All the kids wanted seconds so they could try each jam flavor.
28. When the grocery store first introduced online ordering, I was excited to avoid the hassle of navigating the jammed aisles. My first order, I clicked “6 jars strawberry jam” but what arrived was 6 CASES of 12 jars each! Turns out I didn’t read the fine print. Our family ate jam at every meal for a month straight trying to get through 72 jars of strawberry jam. I still can’t look at a PB&J sandwich the same way.
29. Working as a roadie for a rock band in the 70s meant you saw some crazy backstage antics. Booze, drugs, groupies – you name it. But nothing was wilder than the night we walked in on the bass player naked in the green room bathtub using apricot jam as hair gel while singing “Traffic Jam” by the James Gang at the top of his lungs. We all stood there in shock until finally the drummer said “Far out man! Can I get next jam session?”
30. When my grandma Ruthie passed away, we were clearing out her house and found she had over 200 jars of homemade jam stockpiled in the basement, most of which had gone bad over the years. It seems during retirement, grandma really got into canning and jam-making and it had gotten a bit out of hand. She loved whipping up jam so much she forgot that our family only has so much jam storage capacity. Grandma Ruthie did leave one final gift though – her famous raspberry jam recipe that we’ll be sure to make reasonable portions of in her memory.
31. The funniest thing I saw during my road trip across the country was a family pulled over on the side of the highway trying to fix a flat tire while eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches. The two little kids were sitting in the grass with their sandwiches looking bored while the parents were covered in grease attempting to jack up the car and change the tire. As we drove past, one of the kids saw our car and held up her sandwich waving it with a big smile on her face as if to say “Just enjoying a roadside picnic jam sesh over here!” It was too cute.
32. When my cousin Henry was 5, he went through a phase where he refused to eat anything but peanut butter and jam sandwiches for every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner – PB&J it was. My aunt was worried about his nutrition so she started getting creative, making things like jam-filled ravioli, Thai chicken peanut sauce over rice, and tortillas with refried beans and jam. The kicker was when she made him PB&J pancakes – pancakes stuffed with peanut butter and jam with jelly syrup on top. Surprisingly he gobbled them right up! Henry’s PB&J phase finally ended after about a month. But the jam-centric recipes my aunt came up with were so delicious, they became new family favorites.
33. The students were supposed to give a speech about an important figure in history. But when little Amy got up to present, instead of talking about an important historical figure, she gave a speech titled “Why PB&J is the Most Important Sandwich.” She explained how the PB&J was reliable, classic, and beloved by kids everywhere. How it was the perfect snack for lunchboxes and road trips. And how jelly was a sweet tasty jam that glued together bread and peanut butter to make sandwich magic. I had to hold back laughter as she passionately defended the significance of the iconic PB&J in her life. Although not quite the assignment, an A+ for creativity!
34. When my sister’s twins Jack and Jill were young, they went through a phase where they refused to eat sandwiches made with anything but the exact same amounts of peanut butter and jam on both pieces of bread. If one slice had even slightly more peanut butter than the other, they would scream “Jam parity!” and insist the sandwich be remade to their twin standards. This jam and peanut butter equality fixation lasted for months. We even started calling them the Jam Parity Twins. My poor sister – sandwich maker, short order cook, and jam parity enforcer all in one.
35. When I was 10 years old my parents let me stay home alone for the first time while they went out to dinner. They gave me money to order pizza, told me to do my homework first, and said I could watch a movie as a treat after finishing my schoolwork. I was so excited as I placed my pizza order and sat down to cram through my math homework. Ding dong – the pizza was here! As I opened the door, I was startled to see a sweaty teenage delivery guy holding an electric guitar. Turns out he had gone to the wrong address and walked into the middle of band practice next door. But the band members felt bad and offered to provide a jam session to entertain me. Pretty soon I was rocking out to Led Zeppelin while eating pepperoni pizza – not such a bad first time home alone after all!
36. When my friend Mike and his wife had their first baby, they decided they’d be responsible parents and make all their own organic homemade baby food. Mike proudly spent hours boiling and mashing up sweet potatoes, bananas, avocados and more into homemade baby mush. But try as they might, the baby refused to eat any of it! One day in desperation, Mike tried mixing some strawberry jam into the mashed bananas. Suddenly the baby gobbled it all up. From then on, jam became the magic ingredient they had to sneak into every new food to get their little one to eat. To this day, Mike swears “jam is the key to winning over even the pickiest eater!”
37. During my punk phase as a teenager, I started a band called Strawberry Jam Session. We sounded pretty horrible, but managed to land a last-minute gig filling in for another band at a house party. We only knew about 5 songs so we just jammed and improvised the rest of the night. Surprisingly people loved our random messy punk jam style, even moshing and crowd surfing to our song “Traffic Strawberry Jam.” Afterwards, we were offered more gigs – clearly we had found our punk rock jam band niche! Even though Strawberry Jam Session didn’t last long, I’ll always have fond memories of our jamtastic punk jamming.
38. When I was 8 years old, I decided to start my own little business making and selling friendship bracelets to kids in my neighborhood. My standout design was the PB&J bracelet – braided embroidery floss in peanut butter tan, grape jelly purple, and white bread colors. But to take my bracelet business to the next level, I knew I needed a gimmick. So I created the slogan “Our Bracelets are Jamtastic!” and even made buttons with the slogan to include with each bracelet. The PB&J Jamtastic Bracelets were my most popular seller! And to this day, I credit my jamtastic bracelet business with teaching me my first lessons in entrepreneurship.
39. At my office’s annual summer picnic last year, things got competitive during the three-legged race. My coworker Dan and I were determined to win, so we did some “training” and came up with a synchronized stride we thought was unbeatable. When the race started, we sprinted out ahead of everyone jamming along in perfect unison. We were totally in the zone until I suddenly noticed Dan had a huge glob of PB&J from his sandwich earlier dripping down his shirt. I lost it laughing which threw off our whole jam. We ended up losing the race, but gained an epic inside joke – the “PB&J Jam!”
40. When my cousin Stacy was pregnant with her first child, she had an insatiable craving for peanut butter and jam sandwiches – sometimes eating 4 or 5 a day! When she went into labor, her husband joked that they should bring the PB&J ingredients to the hospital in case she got hungry. Sure enough, in between contractions Stacy begged for a peanut butter and jam sandwich. The nurses thought it was hilarious and wondered aloud if the baby would come out wanting PB&J! Baby Andrew was born a healthy 8 pounds, and thankfully his jam sandwich days ended when Stacy’s pregnancy cravings did.
41. Our family reunions always include a massive picnic spread full of every side dish you can imagine. But my Great Aunt Edna’s congealed salad – essentially just gelatin with jam and other random ingredients – has reached legendary status. She’s been bringing her jam gelatin to reunions for over 50 years! You never know what new flavor jam she’ll use each year – one time it was a horror show of lime jello, carrots, pineapple, and ketchup. But Great Aunt Edna is so proud of her salad creations, no one has the heart to turn down a scoop. We just smile and say, “Mmm…this jam gelatin is amazing!”
42. When my son Josh went away to college last year, he was so focused on leaving that he forgot to pack half his stuff including pillows and bedding for his dorm room. My husband and I had to mail him a care package with sheets, a comforter, and other dorm room essentials. Weeks later, we got a photo from Josh showing the package had arrived…covered in a dozen different shipping and handling stickers. Next to the box was a handmade sign that said “Special Jam Handling” with a drawing of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was his cute way of saying thanks…and an instant classic college inside joke was born – Special Jam Handling!
43. For trick-or-treating one year when my niece Emma was 5, she insisted on going as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My sister dressed her in a brown shirt and pants with a grape jelly colored tutu. She finished it off with a bread-shaped cardboard box painted white for the top slice of bread. Emma was such an adorable chunky PB&J walking from house to house collecting candy in her bread box trick-or-treat bag. All the neighbors got a kick out of her creative costume and of course rewarded her with extra candy for the brilliant jam sandwich idea.
44. When my friend James got married last month, his groomsmen threw him an epic bachelor party weekend in Las Vegas. On the flight home, they were all exhausted and suffering from severe hangovers. But James perked up when the flight attendant came by with the drink cart offering orange juice and peanut butter and jam sandwiches for breakfast. He waved his sandwich in the air and feebly cheered, “What happens in Vegas gets recharged by a Vegas jam sandwich!” His groomsmen all burst out laughing, realizing this jam sandwich just might bring them back to life after a crazy weekend.
45. One April Fool’s Day, my brother George decided to prank our Aunt Margaret, who is known for her proper manners and etiquette. He called her pretending to be a cultural etiquette teacher conducting a survey. He asked questions like, “Do you prefer to cut your sandwich diagonally or straight down the middle?” and “Is it rude to lick jam off your fingers?” My ultra-polite Aunt Margaret didn’t realize she was being pranked and spent 30 minutes thoughtfully answering his jam sandwich etiquette questions before my brother finally said April Fool’s! The rest of us couldn’t stop laughing – only my brother could get away with jam-shaming Aunt Margaret on April Fool’s Day!
46. When my cousins Jenny and Tyler were little, they went through a phase where they wanted to dress identical and refused to wear any outfits that weren’t matching. The only exception was when eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches – then Jenny demanded the grape jelly while Tyler insisted on strawberry jam. My aunt got so exhausted catering to their coordinated outfits and jam preferences, she finally snapped and yelled, “I’m tired of you two double-troubling me over clothes and jam!” And from then on, Jenny and Tyler were known as the Double-Trouble Jam Twins.
47. During my road trip across Europe after college, I subsisted primarily on markets, street food, and grocery store meals to save money. By Italy, I was craving something comforting from home. When I spotted Jif peanut butter and Smucker’s strawberry jam in a small village shop, I immediately grabbed them along with bread and had an impromptu PB&J picnic by the roadside. As I sat on ancient stone steps in the Tuscan sunshine, eating my familiar jam sandwich, I felt completely content admiring the beautiful scenery around me. That jamtastic Italy PB&J will forever stand out as one of my favorite travel memories.
