Independence Day Puns
1. I wanted to make some 4th of July puns, but all the good ones argon.
2. What do you call an independent cat? An in-de-pen-dent!
3. Why did the firework refuse to light? It was too in-de-pen-dent!
4. I bought a bunch of fireworks but they were duds. Talk about in-de-pen-duds!
5. I tried to have an independent picnic on the 4th but ants kept joining me. You could call it an in-de-pend-ants day.
6. What did the bald eagle declare on July 4th? In-de-pen-dance!
7. Why couldn’t the Statue of Liberty make up her mind? She was in such a state of in-de-pen-dense.
8. I was going to tell a joke about Independence Day but it refused to crack under pressure.
9. I bought a talking firework but it just kept saying “In-de-pen-dance!” over and over.
10. What do you call an independent group of cats? An in-de-pen-dent colony!
Independence Day One-Liners
11. I’m not saying I hate fireworks, I’m just saying my dog wishes America wasn’t so clingy with Britain.
12. This 4th of July, let’s celebrate our nation’s independence by blowing up a small part of it.
13. This year we’re not just celebrating America’s birthday, we’re celebrating America’s mid-life crisis.
14. July 4th: A holiday where we celebrate freedom by igniting explosive devices and getting trashed in public.
15. My July 4th party got so wild, we almost re-declared independence from each other.
16. This Independence Day, remember: laws are like fireworks – they’re much more impressive when you ignore them.
17. Got asked to donate to a Revolutionary War reenactment. Told them I don’t support political LARPing.
18. Independence Day: When people with unpaid medical bills celebrate freedom by blowing up a piece of it.
19. Happy 4th! Don’t forget to overcook hot dogs and undercook chicken to really capture the spirit of 1776.
20. This Independence Day, I’m taking a minute to reflect on all the flags I set on fire as a kid.
Best Independence Day Jokes
21. On the morning of July 4th, a man was frantically searching his house for his American flag. He wanted to hang it outside his porch for Independence Day. But no matter where he looked, he couldn’t find it. Finally, he sees his young son holding something behind his back. “Son,” the man says sternly. “What are you hiding behind your back?” The boy sheepishly pulls out a slice of apple pie. “It’s okay dad,” the boy says. “I already ate the flag.”
22. A British man was chatting with an American man at a Fourth of July celebration. “I simply can’t fathom why you Americans celebrate the Fourth of July,” the Brit remarked. “We British don’t celebrate the day we got independence from you chaps.” The American smiled and said, “That’s because we had the decency to let you go.”
23. On the 4th of July, little Johnny was playing with fireworks in his backyard. After a particularly loud firework went off, his mother angrily shouted from the house “JOHNNY! DO YOU WANT TO BLOW YOUR HAND OFF?!” Johnny replied “No ma’am, I already blew that off last Independence Day!”
24. Tom absolutely loved the 4th of July – the celebration, the atmosphere, the fireworks – everything about it made him happy. However, every year after the fireworks, he would sob uncontrollably. His friends couldn’t understand why the day brought him to tears. Finally, one year, they asked him why he cried at the end of such a joyous celebration. Tom replied, “Because the fireworks remind me of my awful ex-wife. They start out with a loud bang, there’s plenty of pretty flashes, and then it’s all over and everything goes dark again.”
25. Kelly’s young daughters were learning about Independence Day in school one week. When the holiday arrived, Kelly brought the girls outside to light some small fireworks. The girls were thrilled and kept begging Kelly to light more. As Kelly was lighting some sparklers, her neighbor yelled from across the street, “Hey Kelly! Are you sure those fireworks are legal?!” Kelly shouted back, “No, but my daughters are!”
26. On July 4th, a dad took his son to the town parade. The boy was delighted to see the color guard marching with their rifles. As the color guard passed them in formation, the boy yelled as loud as he could “BANG! BANG! BANG!” His embarrassed dad pulled him aside and sternly said “You can’t do that!” But a few minutes later, the boy did it again when the color guard passed: “BANG! BANG! BANG!” His father was furious. “Didn’t I tell you not to do that?” He scolded. The boy replied, “But dad, they had their rifles. I just had my finger!”
27. One 4th of July, Sarah’s next door neighbor was setting off huge fireworks that shook Sarah’s whole house. Sarah went outside and said “You’re setting off those big fireworks so close to my house when you know I have a newborn baby who’s trying to sleep! Don’t you have any consideration?” The neighbor replied, “Hey, I’m just following a time-honored tradition here!” Sarah said “Oh yeah? What tradition is that?” The neighbor said “The tradition of annoying the British!”
28. On Independence Day, Jessica and her friends loaded up on beer and snacks to relax and watch the town fireworks. But after an hour, the fireworks were postponed to the next day due to rain. Jessica turned to her equally buzzed friend and said, “Wow, I can’t believe they postponed the fireworks. Now we have to sit through this sobering-up business completely unoccupied!”
29. Nathan ran into his friend Sam right before the 4th of July fireworks started. “Where have you been all day?” Nathan asked. Sam sighed and said “Trying to decide if I want to see the fireworks from the waterfront or the hillside. I still can’t figure it out. This decision is really weighing on me and giving me anxiety. It’s a real Revolutionary War in my head.”
30. On the fourth of July, Helen’s husband surprised her with a big box of fireworks he had purchased from a roadside stand. As he drove away, Helen carefully read the firework labels: “Dynamite Fountain, Bullfrog Mammoth, Royal Typhoon…” Then she noticed the small print at the very bottom: “Made In China.” With a confused look on her face, Helen said to herself, “Why would China sell us fireworks commemorating our independence from them?”
Independence Day Puns
31. What kind of tea did the American colonists hate? Indepen-tea!
32. Why don’t patriotic dogs chase cats? They prefer in-de-pen-dense!
33. How did the patriotic DJ feel during the party? Quite in-de-pen-dance!
34. Why was the American colony feeling down? It was seeking in-de-pen-dence!
35. Why was George Washington bad at hide and seek? He always declared in-de-pen-dance!
36. Why was the Statue of Liberty arrested on the 4th of July? In-de-pen-dent exposure!
37. Want to hear a revolutionary knock knock joke? In-de-pen-dence!
38. Why was Paul Revere such a great messenger? He was good at pro-claming in-de-pen-dance!
39. Why do birds fly south on the 4th of July? Because it’s in-de-pen-dent migration!
40. How does the Declaration of Independence start? With an in-de-pen-dent clause!
Independence Day One-Liners
41. The British are coming! Let’s mark the occasion by lighting things on fire and getting wasted in public parks.
42. Celebrating our nation’s freedom by blowing up a small part of it.
43. This 4th of July, I’m taking a minute to think about all the American flags I accidentally set on fire as a kid.
44. Independence Day: when we honor our forefathers by getting drunk and lighting explosives.
45. The 4th of July – nature’s way of reminding us some people just shouldn’t play with matches.
46. This Independence Day, remember: laws are like fireworks – they’re much more fun when you ignore them.
47. Happy 4th of July! Don’t forget to overcook hot dogs and undercook chicken to really capture the 1776 spirit.
48. Got asked to donate to a Revolutionary War reenactment. Told them I don’t support political LARPing.
49. My July 4th party got so wild, we almost re-declared independence from each other.
50. July 4th: the only day of the year we celebrate freedom by blowing stuff up and getting trashed in public.
Best Independence Day Jokes
51. Three boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boy said, “My dad is so patriotic, when he sees a bald eagle he salutes it and says ‘Long Live America!'” The second boy said, “That’s nothing! My dad sees a July 4th parade and shouts ‘God Bless the USA!'” The third boy just smiles and says “That’s cute, but my dad sees the Star Spangled Banner and starts singing “Oh say can you see…”
52. On Independence Day, little Timmy went to the town parade with his family. When the marching band passed playing loud patriotic songs, Timmy excitedly turned to his dad and shouted “Bang! Bang! Boom!” His embarrassed father quickly hushed him and said “Shhh, you can’t yell that during the parade!” But a few minutes later, Timmy shouted again when the band marched by “Bang! Bang! Boom!” Furiously, his dad scolded “I told you to stop doing that!” Timmy replied, “I was just pretending to play the cymbals and drums. The band gets instruments, why can’t I pretend too?”
53. On the morning of July 4th, a man frantically searched his house for the American flag he wanted to display for Independence Day. He looked everywhere but couldn’t find it. Finally, he saw his young son hiding something behind his back. “What do you have there?” the father demanded. The boy guiltily held out a half-eaten apple pie. “It’s okay dad,” he said. “I saved you a piece.”
54. Nathan ran into his neighbor Sam right before the 4th of July fireworks show. “Where have you been all day?” Nathan asked. “Oh man, I spent all day debating whether to watch the fireworks from the hill or the dock,” Sam sighed. “I’m so anxious about making the right choice. It’s really stressing me out.” Nathan replied, “Wow, that sounds like a real Revolutionary War in your head!”
55. On Independence Day, Jessica’s neighbor was setting off huge illegal fireworks that violently shook her house. “Hey! I have a baby who’s trying to sleep!” Jessica yelled. “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of FREEDOM!” her neighbor shouted back. Jessica muttered under her breath, “The only freedom you should have is the freedom to not be such a jerk.”
56. For Independence Day, Margaret’s husband surprised her with a big box of fireworks he had bought at a roadside stand. Looking closely at the labels, Margaret read: “Old Glory Missile, Yankee Doodle Doomsday, American Annihilator…” Then she noticed the tiny print at the bottom that read: “Made In China.” Confused, Margaret remarked, “Why would China manufacture fireworks for us commemorating our independence from them?”
Independence Day Puns
57. How does George Washington call his dog on the 4th of July? In-de-pen-dence, let’s go!
58. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse so fast on July 4th? To pro-clame in-de-pen-dance!
59. Why don’t bald eagles eat bagels? They prefer in-de-pen-den-ses!
60. How was the American colony feeling in 1776? Quite in-de-pen-dent!
61. What kind of tea do patriots hate? Indepen-tea!
62. Why don’t patriotic dogs chase cats? They prefer their in-de-pen-dense!
63. Why did the Statue of Liberty stand up on the Fourth of July? For in-de-pen-dent movement!
64. What’s a patriot’s favorite type of exercise? Indepen-dents!
65. Why does the Declaration of Independence have great syntax? It’s got an in-de-pen-dent clause!
Independence Day One-Liners
66. This Independence Day, let’s celebrate freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.
67. Happy 4th of July! Time to char foods beyond recognition and blow stuff up in the name of freedom!
68. Another 4th of July pretending my dog isn’t terrified of all the noises outside.
69. This year we’re not just celebrating America’s birthday, we’re celebrating its midlife crisis!
70. This Independence Day I’m celebrating freedom by getting trashed in public and lighting explosives, as the founding fathers intended.
71. Got asked to donate to a Revolutionary War reenactment. Told them I don’t support political cosplay.
72. My July 4th party got so wild last night, I woke up feeling like we re-declared independence all over again.
73. Happy Fourth! Just gonna sit back, relax, and watch my neighborhood impersonate a war zone tonight.
74. Another 4th of July full of people with questionable judgement regarding fireworks and alcohol.
75. The British are coming! Time to mark the occasion by grilling meats and blowing stuff up!