Hook Puns
1. What did the pirate say when he lost his hook? Looks like I’m all washed up!
2. Why don’t pirates play cards anymore? Because they’re always standing on the deck!
3. How much did the pirate pay to get his hook sharpened? Just a few buck an ear.
4. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later!
5. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? The C! (sea)
6. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? They already have all the booty!
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s
8. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
9. What’s a pirate’s favorite sports team? The Arrrrgonauts!
10. Why do pirates make bad singers? They can’t hit the high Cs!
11. What’s a pirate’s favorite musical note? The high C!
12. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
13. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie!
14. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? Because they already have all the booty!
15. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr!
Hook One-Liners
16. I wanted to dress up as a pirate for Halloween, but I didn’t think I could pull it off without the right hook.
17. I once knew a pirate who got his hook stuck in a door knob, turns out he wasn’t very handy.
18. Did you hear about the pirate who was arrested for downloading movies illegally? He had to walk the plank.
19. I’d tell you a pirate joke, but it might hook you.
20. What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear sir, your internet access has been terminated due to illegal downloading.
21. I used to date a pirate, but we had to break up. I found out he had a few hooks up his sleeve.
22. My pirate costume didn’t turn out great. I guess I just don’t have the right hooks.
23. I saw a pirate wearing camouflage last week. I didn’t see that coming!
24. A pirate walks into a bar with his ship’s wheel stuck to his crotch. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a wheel stuck to your crotch!” The pirate replies, “Argh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
25. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
26. Did you hear about the claustrophobic pirate? He was afraid of walking the plank.
27. Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they just arrrrr!
28. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer!
29. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’d be R but it’s really the C!
30. I once dated a pirate but had to break up with him. He was driving me crazy with his hook ups.
Best Hook Jokes
31. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks, “Hey, do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate says, “Arrr, it’s driving me nuts!”
32. A pirate with a peg leg, eye patch, and a hook hand walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks him what happened to cause his injuries. The pirate replies, “Well, me leg got bit off by a shark, me hand got cut off in a sword fight, and me eye got taken out by a seagull.”
The bartender looks puzzled and says, “Wait, how did a seagull take out your eye?”
The pirate grumbles, “It was me first day with the hook…”
33. A pirate captain is admiring his new hook hand when the ship’s cabin boy approaches him. The captain says, “Arrr matey, come take a look at me new hook!”
The cabin boy responds, “But captain, that hook looks exactly the same as your old one.”
The captain rolls his eyes and says, “I know, but this one has wi-fi!”
34. How much did the pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!
35. What’s a pirate’s favorite crime? Arrrrson!
36. What’s a pirate’s favorite fruit? Arrrranges!
37. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
38. How do pirates communicate? Aye to aye!
39. How do you make pirate furious? Take away the “p”!
40. Where do pirates get their hooks? At a second-hand store!
41. What is a pirate’s favorite restaurant? Arrrby’s
42. Why couldn’t the pirate get into the movie? It was rated Arrrgh!
43. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they just arrrr!
44. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie!
45. How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!
46. How much did the pirate pay for ear piercings? A buck an ear!
47. What is a pirate’s favorite kind of music? Anything with lots of booty bass!
48. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
49. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
50. Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrr!
51. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!
52. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? Cause they already have all the booty!
53. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it be Rrrr but it’s really the C!
54. What’s a pirate’s favorite branch of the military? The arrrrrmy!
55. Why are pirates so mean? They just arrrrgh!
56. What’s a pirate’s favorite emoji? The skull and crossbones ☠️
57. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? The captain was standing on the deck!
58. What’s a pirate’s favorite crime? Arrrrson!
59. How much did the pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!
60. Where do pirates get their hooks? At a second hand store!
61. What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear sir, your internet access has been terminated due to illegal downloading.
62. How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the “P”!
63. What’s a pirate’s favorite musical note? The high C!
64. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was standing on the deck!
65. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!