Groom Puns
1. I heard the groom got cold feet before the wedding. Luckily, his shoes were nice and toasty.
2. The groom was running late to his wedding. I guess you could say he was grooming himself to perfection.
3. Why was the groom smiling during the entire wedding ceremony? He just got engaged to the bride of his dreams.
4. How did the nervous groom calm down before walking down the aisle? He dressed himself by putting one foot in the pants at a time.
5. On the morning of his wedding day, the groom was looking sharp. I guess you could say he was well-groomed for the big event.
6. Why did the groom trip while walking down the aisle? He got caught on the bride’s grooming veil.
7. How did the groom accidentally ruin his tuxedo? He spilled grooming products all over it.
8. Why was the groom sweating profusely at the altar? He was feeling the grooming pressure.
9. What did the groom do to prepare for his wedding day? He got a fresh grooming haircut and shave.
10. How did the groom mess up his vows? He was too busy grooming his eyebrows.
11. Where did the groom go to get ready before the wedding? To the grooming suites of course!
12. Why was the groom fidgeting so much during the ceremony? His grooming suit was so tight!
13. How did the groom get rid of his pre-wedding jitters? He took some relaxing grooming products.
14. Why was the groom wearing mismatched shoes at the altar? He was too busy grooming his hair.
15. Why did the groom pass out at the altar? He forgot to eat breakfast after his morning grooming routine.
Groom One-Liners
16. The groom looked dapper, but apparently his suit wasn’t marriage material.
17. The groom woke up late on his wedding day and had to rush his morning grooming routine…it was shear madness.
18. I heard the groom got cold feet—luckily his shoes were warm and toasty.
19. They say it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, but good grooming brings good fortune.
20. The groom spilled grooming products all over his tuxedo before the ceremony—what a slick move.
21. The groom was shaking like a leaf as he waited at the altar—I guess he needed some more grooming time to prepare.
22. The groom tripped walking down the aisle but played it off smoothly—he really groomed himself well for grace under pressure.
23. The groom got a fresh haircut and shave to groom himself to perfection for the big day.
24. The groom fidgeted with his tight suit the whole ceremony—maybe tailored grooming attire wasn’t the best choice.
25. The groom passed out at the altar because he was too busy grooming to eat breakfast—an unfortu-nate grooming oversight.
Best Groom Jokes
26. The morning of his wedding day, Nick was obsessively grooming himself to look perfect. He styled his hair, trimmed his beard, whitened his teeth—the whole nine yards. When he finally finished grooming, he looked in the mirror and realized he had gotten so carried away that he had accidentally shaved off his eyebrows! Panicked, he used a black marker to draw them back on, but it was a mess. At the wedding, everyone was trying not to laugh at Nick’s horribly fake eyebrows. His bride Amy took one look at him and said, “I know I said I love you just the way you are, but let’s pencil in some grooming boundaries for our marriage.”
27. James was standing at the altar, waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle. He was sweating buckets and fidgeting with his tie. “Relax!” his best man whispered. “You’ve got this!” James took a deep breath to calm his nerves. But when the music started and the flower girl began the procession, James’ eyes widened in horror. He suddenly realized that in his wedding morning grooming frenzy, he had forgotten to put on his pants! James frantically looked around but there was no escape. He was just going to have to get married in his boxer shorts. As his blushing bride approached in her white gown, James knew he would never live down this ultimate grooming fail.
28. When Greg woke up on the morning of his wedding, he was running very late. He only had 20 minutes to get ready before he had to leave for the ceremony. Rushing through his grooming routine, he shaved small nicks all over his face and accidentally sprayed deodorant in his eye. To save time, he decided to skip ironing his shirt and just threw on his rumpled suit. On his way out the door, he realized he forgot to brush his teeth so he chewed a piece of gum instead. When Greg finally arrived at the altar, his bride took one look at his sloppy appearance and unkempt grooming and shook her head in disappointment. This was not the dapper groom she was hoping for on their wedding day. Greg realized then that some things are worth taking the extra time to groom properly.
29. Ryan was meticulously grooming himself the morning of his wedding. He wanted to look absolutely perfect for his bride. After showering, shaving and moisturizing, he started working on his unruly hair. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to tame his messy locks. Frustrated, Ryan grabbed a pair of kitchen shears and chopped off all his hair. When his friends saw his new bald look, they were shocked. But Ryan just said, “What better way to groom my hair for the big day than to get rid of it completely!” At the wedding, Ryan’s bride was brought to tears when she saw her groom’s bald head glistening under the lights. “This is true grooming devotion!” she declared.
30. Jack woke up late on the day of his wedding after a wild bachelor party the night before. With no time for his normal intensive grooming routine, he threw on the tuxedo that had been hanging in his closet for months. When he arrived at the chapel, his bride pointed out a big red stain on the jacket of his suit. Jack gasped when he realized it was blood! The night before, he had a bloody nose after doing shots with his rowdy groomsmen. In his drunken stupor, he must have dripped blood all over his wedding tux without noticing. His bride just sighed and said, “I see we really need to work on your grooming and laundry skills in our marriage.”
31. Steve was beyond nervous on his wedding day. No matter how much he tried to relax, he couldn’t stop sweating through his tuxedo. Right before the ceremony began, his best man pulled him aside and said, “I can see your grooming isn’t complete without this!” before handing Steve a stick of prescription strength antiperspirant. Steve swiped it all over his underarms and entire back then walked confidently down the aisle, completely dry. When his bride smelled how strongly he had groomed himself with chemicals, she whispered, “Please tell me this grooming habit isn’t permanent, dear.”
32. On the morning of his outdoor winter wedding, Brad realized he had forgotten to pack socks! His feet were freezing in his fancy leather shoes. Desperate for some warmth, he grabbed the grooming kit in his suitcase. Brad stuffed tissues between his toes then lined his shoes with shaving cream and deodorant sticks to insulate them. During the ceremony whenever he shifted his feet, there was a loud squishing sound. His bride cringed, knowing her new husband had weird grooming priorities.
33. The morning of his wedding day, Doug was obsessing over a pimple near his nose. He tried popping it, but that only made it worse. Then he slathered creamy concealer on it, but that looked like messy frosting. Finally, he grabbed the grooming scissors and tried to cut the pimple off. This left him with an oozing, bloody scab on his face right before walking down the aisle. When Doug’s bride saw his disastrous attempt at last-minute grooming, she just shook her head and chuckled. “Oh honey, we clearly need to work on your skin care regimen!”
34. Rob was running behind for his wedding ceremony. In his rush to get groomed and dressed, he accidentally grabbed his tube of medicated hemorrhoid cream instead of toothpaste. He didn’t realize his mistake until he had already brushed his teeth and his entire mouth was numb. When he met his bride at the altar, he had to speak out of one side of his mouth because the other side was completely frozen from the hemorrhoid cream. She tried not to laugh at her groom’s pre-wedding grooming mishap and kissed him on his unfrozen cheek.
35. On the eve of his destination beach wedding, Lance realized he had forgotten to pack any grooming products. The hotel gift shop only had sunscreen and aloe vera gel for sale. So Lance used the sunscreen as shampoo and the aloe as shaving cream. The next day he arrived at the ceremony with sticky, greasy hair and dozens of tiny cuts all over his face. His bride took one look at Lance’s disastrous DIY beach grooming and sighed. She knew their honeymoon would now involve a lot of wound cleaning and hair washing.
36. The morning of his wedding, Brent realized he was almost out of hair gel. Worried that his bouffant wouldn’t stay styled without enough product, he grabbed a bottle of industrial strength glue from the garage and used that instead. As soon as Brent arrived at the wedding venue, his bride shrieked in horror. She couldn’t stand next to him at the altar because the fumes from the glue were overwhelming. Brent ended up fainting from the noxious glue fumes halfway through reciting his vows. When he came to, his bride declared this was the last time she was letting him groom himself for a formal event.
37. Frank woke up late on the morning of his wedding with a huge zit on his forehead. Wanting to look flawless in the photos, he decided to pop it. Unfortunately, it turned into a huge oozing mess all over his face. Panicked, he slathered heavy concealer on it but that just made the zit more obvious. As he waited at the altar, the makeup melted under the hot lights leaving sweaty streaks down his forehead and cheeks. When Frank’s bride approached, she gasped at his disastrous attempt to groom a last minute blemish. Shaking her head, she knew their wedding photos would certainly be unique.
38. The morning of his wedding, Reggie couldn’t find his contact lenses anywhere. He frantically tore his room apart looking for them but came up empty. With no time to get new ones before the ceremony, he grabbed an old pair of his grandma’s cat-eye glasses from the 70s. Standing at the altar, Reggie kept pushing the huge dated glasses back up his nose as they slid down. When his bride saw his odd choice of vision-correcting grooming, she stifled a laugh. She knew the retro glasses would make for some amusing yet precious wedding photos.
39. An hour before his beach wedding, Evan realized he had a horrible sunburn on his back and shoulders. Not wanting to look like a red lobster walking down the aisle, he grabbed a bottle of pepto bismol and chugged it. His plan was for the pink medicine to help camouflage his burn. However, it ended up reacting weirdly with his sweat and the whole back of Evan’s tux turned bright fuchsia. His bride took one look at his pink-stained grooming attempt and lost it laughing. Evan realized too late that maybe he should have just embraced the sunburn instead of creating a whole new problem.
40. On the way to his wedding, Ajay spilled coffee all over the front of his rented tuxedo pants. In a panic, he used the car’s windshield wiper fluid to try to clean the stain but just made it worse. As he walked down the aisle, the strong chemical smell preceded him, burning everyone’s nostrils. His bride’s eyes watered as she choked from the harsh fumes of the failed grooming attempt. She made Ajay change into normal clothes for the reception so everyone could breathe easy again.
More Groom Puns
41. Why did the groom read grooming magazines before his wedding? He wanted to look polished for his big day!
42. How did the groom damage his fancy wedding shoes? He accidentally used grooming polish on them!
43. Why was the groom smiling nonstop on his wedding day? He was so groomed for the occasion.
44. What did the nervous groom do the night before the wedding? He triple checked that his grooming was impeccable.
45. How did the groom prepare for squinting wedding photos? He got his eyes groomed with laser surgery.
46. What happened when the groom got long nose hairs before his wedding? He quickly groomed them to perfection.
47. Why did the groom scrub his face right before walking down the aisle? He had to groom away a sudden blemish.
48. How did the groom injure himself on his wedding day? He cut himself grooming last minute.
49. Why was the groom sweating so much at the altar? His grooming layers were too hot.
50. What made the groom late to his own wedding? Extensive grooming at the last minute.
More Groom One-Liners
51. The groom spilled coffee on his pants before the wedding—his staining grooming routine was off to a rocky start.
52. The groom chugged Pepto Bismol to camouflage his sunburn but just turned his whole suit pink—quite the grooming fail.
53. The groom used crazy glue instead of hair gel and ended up passing out from the fumes at the altar—a tragic grooming mishap.
54. The groom cut a zit off his face right before the wedding leaving a bloody oozing scab—his DIY derma-grooming did not go as planned.55. The groom brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid cream by accident and ended up with a numb frozen mouth at the altar—a very unfortunate grooming mix-up.
56. The groom used windshield wiper fluid to clean coffee stains but just made it worse—that’s some serious grooming desperation.
57. The groom forgot his socks and stuffed his shoes with shaving cream for warmth—a frosty grooming solution.
58. The groom chopped off all his hair with kitchen shears the morning of his wedding—a dramatic grooming decision!
59. The groom drew his eyebrows back on with marker after shaving them off—his grooming was definitely overdone.
60. The groom used aloe and sunscreen as shaving cream and hair gel—an epic grooming fail.
More Best Groom Jokes
61. It was Bob’s wedding day and he was frantically getting ready, grooming himself to perfection. He took great care shaving his face, making sure not to cut himself. After applying moisturizer, he brushed his teeth for a full five minutes. Bob then styled his hair just right with some product. He smoothed out his eyebrows and cleaned under his nails. Finally, he put on his freshly tailored tuxedo. Bob looked at himself in the mirror with satisfaction. Everything was perfectly groomed for his big day. He went to put on his shoes when he screamed in horror. Bob had forgotten to put on his pants! He was standing there in just a tuxedo jacket and boxer shorts. There was no time left to change before the ceremony. Bob took a deep breath and accepted that he would just have to get married pantless. It was going to be a long honeymoon explaining this grooming mishap to his bride.
62. Alex was obsessively grooming himself the morning of his wedding. Showering, shaving, moisturizing, the whole nine yards. But no matter how much he trimmed and plucked, he couldn’t tame his wildly overgrown nose and ear hairs. He kept snipping away at the wiry hairs but they were growing back faster than he could groom. By the time Alex had to leave for the ceremony, he had given himself two bloody noses and taken a chunk out of his earlobe trying to contain the hair explosion. At the altar, his bride gazed lovingly yet pitifully at his bandaged, heavily groomed appearance. She made a mental note to get him an industrial strength nose hair trimmer as a wedding gift. Excessive grooming clearly didn’t work when genetics were against you.
63. On the morning of his wedding, Andre was trying to groom his hair to perfection. He had gotten an expensive haircut the day before and wanted it to