Grape Puns (25)
1. I tried to make wine using grapes from my backyard. It ended up being pretty crummy.
2. The grape vineyard had to close early due to a bunch of problems. It really dampened the mood.
3. I entered my grape pie into a baking competition. Sadly, it didn’t get a raisin.
4. My friend got angry when I accidentally stepped on his grapes. I guess I really pressed his buttons.
5. The grape thief made a clean getaway. The cops couldn’t catch a wine.
6. Grapes make great spies. They always seem to turn up in vinyards.
7. I tried to sell balloons at a grape festival, but nobody seemed interested. I guess they weren’t in the grape mood.
8. My friend drank too much grape juice. Now he’s wine-ing all the time.
9. The grape harvesters were very demanding. They kept wine-ing about everything.
10. I entered the grape stomping contest, but couldn’t get my foot in the door.
11. The grape vineyard had a big hole in their fence. It was a gateway for thieves.
12. The grape thief was eventually caught. He got pressed with charges.
13. My friend slipped on a grape at the supermarket. Apparently she fell for it.
14. I tried to eat 100 grapes in one minute. But I couldn’t grape it in time.
15. The grape growers were very nosy. They liked to get all up in your grape business.
16. When the grape truck overturned, there was wine all over the highway.
17. I made grape juice using only my feet. You could say it was stomp-made.
18. The vineyard by the freeway got shut down for too much noise. Cars kept honking at the grapes.
19. I entered my raisin bread into a baking contest, but it got grape reviews.
20. When the grape harvest was ruined, the vineyard just had to deal with the crushed grapes.
21. My friend bought too many grapes at the store. Now she’s trying to wine them down.
22. The grape vineyard implemented a “you pick” policy to bring in more customers. It really helped their bottom vine.
23. The grape vendor at the festival tried to sell me expired fruit. But I saw right through his winey tricks.
24. The grape stomping competition got cancelled because of a leak in the vat. It really burst everyone’s bubble.
25. I accidentally baked my grape pie for too long. Now it’s totally raisin hell in the oven.
Grape One-Liners (15)
26. I’m really trying to turn over a new leaf, but these grapes keep getting in the vine.
27. Don’t cry over crushed grapes.
28. Grapes – Nature’s candy!
29. Grapes have thick skin…literally.
30. Grapes – Proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.
31. Grapes gone wild.
32. Grapes help me un-wine.
33. I’m not drunk, I’m grape-funked.
34. Save the grapes!
35. Grapes – fun-sized, bite-sized, wise cracks.
36. Grapes make raisins seem pointless.
37. Grapes don’t lie.
38. Grapes are life.
39. Grapes just wanna have fun.
40. Lifesavers have a hole in the middle. Grapes do not. I rest my case.
Best Grape Jokes (35)
41. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
42. What do you call grapes that whine a lot? Whiniest!
43. How did the grapes beat the peach in a race? They muscat faster!
44. Why don’t grapes need to get married to have babies? Because they come in pairs!
45. What do you call a grape who makes others laugh? A funny raisin!
46. How do grapes stay connected? Through the grapevine!
47. Why did the grapes go to the gym? To getmuscled!
48. What did the mama grape say to the whining baby grape? Stop wine-ing!
49. Why do grapes make good detectives? They always get to the wine bottom of things!
50. How did the grape propose to his girlfriend? With a diamond ring pop!
51. Why are grapes never lonely? Because they always come in bunches!
52. What kind of music do grapes like best? R&Grape!
53. How do you fix a broken grape? With grape tape!
54. Why did the grape blush? It saw the salad dressing!
55. What do you call a grape who works out a lot? A muscled grape!
56. How do you stop grapes from whining? Take away their wine!
57. Why did the grapes quit their band? Creative raisin!
58. What do you call a grape who breathes fire? A dragonfruit!
59. Why didn’t the grape donate blood? He was a little light-headed!
60. How do grapes get ready for a party? They grape themselves up!
61. What do you call a grape who loves to read? A bookworm!
62. Why do grapes make the best friends? Because they stick together!
63. How did the grapes learn karate so fast? They were black belted!
64. What did the mama grape say when her babies were misbehaving? You kids are really pressing my buttons!
65. Why was the grape such a sore loser? He just couldn’t wine about losing!
66. How did the grapes feel about getting stomped on? They were crushed!
67. What’s a grape’s least favorite shape? Raisin rectangle!
68. Why don’t grapes get colds? They’re full of vitamin-seeds!
69. What do you call a grape that makes you laugh and think? A funny raisin!
70. Why did the grapes start dancing? Because they heard there was a rave in the refrigerator!
71. How do grapes teleport? They grape themselves from place to place!
72. Why did the grape blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
73. Why don’t grapes ever get lonely? Because they always come in bunches!
74. What did one grape say to the other? Nothing, grapes can’t talk!
75. Why did the grapes quit their band? Creative raisin!