Glasses Puns
1. I broke my glasses yesterday. I guess I just couldn’t see that coming!
2. My friend got some new glasses that gave him telescopic vision. Now he can see things from afar!
3. I was going to tell my eye doctor a glasses joke, but I decided not to because I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself.
4. Did you hear about the optician who fell into the lens grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself!
5. I once entered a glasses pun contest with ten entries, hoping at least one would win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
6. Did you hear about the kid with glasses who was being bullied? His parents told him to stand up to those 4-eyes!
7. I tried to steal some glasses from the optometrist but couldn’t find the right pair. I guess I just didn’t have the proper prescriptions.
8. My friend claims he invented herb-infused glasses to cure headaches. But I think they’re just rose-colored glasses.
9. Did you hear about the shy optometrist? He was always avoiding eye contact!
10. Did you know that glasses used to be really big in the 90s? Those were the days of rose-tinted gigantic spectacles!
11. I once saw an optometrist slip and fall. I ran over shouting “Doctor! Are you okay?” He replied, “I’ve fallen for you!”
12. Did you hear about the glasses convention that got cancelled? There was not enough spec-tators!
13. My friend claims there’s lead in cheap glasses. I think those are just baseless frame accusations!
14. Did you know that glasses companies make most of their profits through all the extra lens they charge for coatings?
15. Don’t trust people who sell glasses! They’re always up to some shady spec-tacles.
Glasses One Liners
16. These new bi-focal glasses are making me feel old beyond my years and inches.
17. I was going to wear my glasses at the pool today until I realized it would just be goggles without the straps.
18. Got an eye test and the optician said, “Read the bottom line.” I said, “Zyliss.” He said, “No, the letters.”
19. I protect my eyes when using power tools, especially when I’m cutting onions.
20. Sometimes I put my glasses on upside down so I can see the world from a whole different perspective.
21. Isn’t it weird that glasses make you look smarter right away?
22. These glasses are so dirty I can’t see clearly. Or maybe they’re clean and I really just need glasses.
23. My glasses fog up whenever I drink something hot. It’s steam-powered sight.
24. I broke my glasses yesterday, so today I’m experiencing life in blurry-vision.
25. These glasses really change my outlook on life, everything is so much clearer now!
26. I’m not clumsy, my glasses are just slippery!
27. Glasses don’t make you smart, but they sure make you look smart fast!
Best Glasses Jokes
28. I recently got a pair of glasses with transition lenses that turn dark in sunlight. It’s nice because now when I walk outside I don’t have to immediately look down at my feet while my eyes adjust from being indoors. I can walk around staring at the sun with no discomfort whatsoever thanks to the magical darkening power of transitional lenses!
29. So I was at the eye doctor and she said “Can you read the letters on the wall chart for me?” I looked at it and read “A, B, C, D, E, F…” before realizing I had my contacts in. Whoops.
30. Did you hear about the kid who got glasses that let him see dangerously into the future? His parents took them away before he could witness anything horrific happening further down the timelines. They always say ignorance is bliss!
31. I accidentally sat on my glasses yesterday and had to do the walk of shame to work this morning, squinting at everyone who looked in my direction. My boss said “Hey Four Eyes, whatcha looking at?” I said “YOUR FACE…once I figure out which blur is you!” No respect for the visually impaired!
32. What do you call glasses that enhance your vision underwater? Scuba Goggles. Just kidding, those are called masks! But I bet prescription scuba masks will be the next big thing.
33. So I picked up my kid from school the other day and noticed the teacher across the parking lot waving at someone. My kid squints, adjusts his glasses, then shouts “Hi Miss Wilson!!” I ask “How could you possibly recognize her from here?” “I just guessed based on the color of her sweater!” Ah yes, deductive reasoning saves the day again.
34. What kind of glasses does a house wear? Window panes! I made that one up last time I was at the optometrist getting my eyes checked and peering through all the different lens. The receptionist definitely threw me some epic side eye when she overheard my spontaneous glass-related humor.
35. Did you hear the one about the Irish guy with glasses? Ah, never mind lads, you wouldn’t get it…’tis a Dublin spectacle! Sorry, these eye exams have me seeing blurred lines between clever and just plain bad jokes apparently!
36. So I picked up my kid’s glasses from the optometrist after his very first eye exam, popped them onto his little face and said “Well hello Mr. Professor!” And he responded “I look like daddy but better!” OUCH, shot directly through the heart by my savage bespectacled offspring!
37. What sits on your nose and allows you to see better? Glasses! Unless you meant an actual eyeball, in which case this joke doesn’t really work and I apologize for the unnecessary confusion about optical humor versus anatomical realities.
38. Did you hear about the actress who wore glasses so dark that she couldn’t see her hand in front of her face? It was a real shady performance.
39. Why was the glasses store employee so exhausted at the end of their shift? They were working around the eye clock!
40. What’s a foot doctor’s favorite kind of glasses? Platforms!
41. Did you hear about the actor who got arrested for stealing glasses? He was charged with felony frames.
42. What did the detective with glasses say when trying to solve the mystery of the stolen spectacles? “I’ll keep my eye out for clues.”
43. I told my eye doctor, “The glasses you gave me aren’t helping me read any better.” He said, “That’s because they’re sunglasses, you idiot.”
44. Why did Harry Potter wear glasses even though he could have magically fixed his eyesight? He just didn’t have the proper spell check!
45. A man with extremely poor vision was arrested today after accidentally wandering into a girl’s locker room and claiming he thought it was the optometrist’s office. When questioned by police, he explained “I’m sorry officer, I simply couldn’t see that coming!”
46. Did you hear about the vlogger who makes YouTube videos reviewing different glasses frames? He’s quite the spectacle spectator rater narrator!
47. What kind of glasses should lazy people wear? Slip-ons!
