Gas Can Puns (15)
1. I wanted to fill up my gas can, but the gas station attendant said it was already full. I said, “Are you sure? That can’t be!”
2. My friend brought his rusty old gas can to get it repaired. The mechanic took one look and said, “This can is beyond repair, you need to buy a new can.”
3. I was excited to use my new gas can, but sadly it sprung a leak. Now it’s just an uncan.
4. Did you hear about the gas can that entered a comedy competition? It was disqualified for making too many puns.
5. The red gas can was feeling blue after getting rejected by the yellow gas can. His friends tried to console him, “Don’t worry, there are plenty of other cans in the shed.”
6. I accidentally grabbed the wrong gas can and filled my lawn mower with kerosene. Now my lawn mower runs great, but it seems to have some anger management issues.
7. I asked the hardware store clerk where I could find a stylish gas can to match my sense of fashion. He pointed and said, “Aisle can be fabulous over there.”
8. My gas can developed a split personality. Now it’s a half empty kind of can.
9. I brought my rusty old gas can in for a new paint job. The auto body shop gave it a metal flake makeover. Now it’s a pretty shiny can.
10. I was excited about taking my new bright red gas can on a picnic. But it turned out to be an empty can’t-bring gesture.
11. If a gas can could talk, it would probably say “Fill ‘er up!”
12. My gas can is super paranoid and thinks everyone is out to get it. It must have can-spiracy theories.
13. I told my dentist I chipped my tooth on a metal gas can. He said, “Sounds like you need a can-al.”
14. My gas can started leaking because it was full of holes. It really needed to can it with all those perforations.
15. I wanted to enter my gas can in a beauty pageant but it didn’t qualify. The judges said it wasn’t beautiful enough and really lacked cans-metics.
Gas Can One-Liners (15)
16. Don’t cry over spilled gas…unless you spilled it from the gas can.
17. Always bring a red gas can with you on a road trip, it makes your car go faster.
18. I bought a gas can online but received an empty paint can, talk about being scam-canned!
19. My gas can is like modern art – I don’t understand it but everyone says it’s brilliant.
20. Don’t put gasoline in a Super Soaker unless you want to play Flamethrower Tag.
21. Never ask someone with a gas can, “Going camping?” unless you want a long boring story.
22. Rusty gas can + stray cigarette butt = fiery disaster.
23. Road trip rule #1: Whoever forgets the gas can gets stuck pumping gas in the rain.
24. My friend filled up his gas can with diesel as a prank – his lawn mower hasn’t been the same since.
25. I’m no Picasso but I painted flowers on my gas can and now it’s a work of art.
26. Trust me, six gas cans will NOT fit in the trunk of a Toyota Camry.
27. My gas can thinks it’s a comedian, it’s always making puns that crack it up.
28. I got food poisoning from drinking from a dirty gas can – talk about a full tank of regret.
29. I accidentally grabbed the gas can instead of my water bottle during a marathon – I won but couldn’t stop running for hours!
30. My gas can rolled down a hill and caused a 10 car pile-up, talk about a can-astrophe!
Best Gas Can Jokes (27)
31. My friend was trying to siphon gas from his neighbor’s lawn mower with a hose. After sucking on the hose for a few minutes, he threw it down and coughed loudly. I asked him, “What’s wrong?” He replied, “This hose tastes like grass, I think I got the gas can.”
32. I was running extremely late for a job interview. In my rush I accidentally grabbed my lawn mower gas can instead of my briefcase. Let’s just say showing up with a sloshing gas can and grass-stained shoes didn’t get me the job.
33. Last summer I was really bored so I got some spray paint and decorated my rusty old gas can. I painted flames and lightning bolts all over it. My dad saw my tricked out gas can and sarcastically said, “Wow, nothing says high performance fuel like a rusty Jerry can covered in flames.”
34. My friend hates when I borrow his stuff without asking. Last week he caught me siphoning gas from his garage to fill up my can. Let’s just say he was not too happy to see me sucking on a hose attached to his car’s fuel tank.
35. I was running late for a barbecue and grabbed the closest red can to fill up the grill’s propane tank. After wondering why the grill wouldn’t light I realized my mistake – I had filled the propane tank with gasoline from my red lawn mower gas can.
36. My grandfather is obsessed with keeping his 1970s gas can in pristine condition. He keeps it polished and dent-free. The other day a squirrel chewed a hole in it, spilling gas all over his garage. My grandpa cried out, “That squirrel just ruined 50 years of patina on my vintage gas can!”
37. My neighbor’s dog ran off with my brand new plastic gas can yesterday. He must have thought it was a chew toy. I found it in the backyard, covered in slobber and bite marks, with gasoline puddled everywhere. I guess you could say that dog really can-inehandled my container.
38. I recently switched careers and took a job as a landscaper. On my first day my boss told me to fuel up the lawn mowers and weed whackers. I mistakenly filled every piece of equipment with gasoline instead of the proper fuel mix. Let’s just say the repair bills for the engines I fried came out of my paycheck.
39. When I was a kid I tried to pull a prank by putting chocolate milk in my dad’s red gas can. The next day he yelled my name angrily from the garage – he had poured the spoiled chocolate milk right into his BMW’s gas tank. His prized car never ran quite right again.
40. My brother borrowed my gas can last month and returned it full of sugar water. Turns out he was using it to feed hummingbirds. I didn’t realize this until I poured the syrupy liquid into my riding lawnmower which promptly stalled out on the lawn.
41. During a bad storm a tree branch poked a hole in the side of my plastic gas can, spilling fuel all over my basement. The whole house reeked of gasoline fumes for weeks. Now I store my gas can safely on a high shelf in the garage where it can’t cause any more damage.
42. I ran over my neighbor’s gas can while mowing the lawn last summer. He saw the flattened can and cried out “No! That vintage metal can has been in my family for generations!” I felt terrible, so I bought him a new plastic one which unfortunately just isn’t the same.
43. Last weekend I was camping and grabbed the gas can to refuel the camp stove. Distracted by my kids, I accidentally poured a cup of hot coffee into the stove instead of gasoline. Let’s just say scalded beans dripping out of the burner was not the breakfast I had in mind.
44. My gas can looks perfectly ordinary on the outside, plain red plastic. But on the inside, it’s where I hide my emergency chocolate stash. Don’t tell my wife! I can sneak a candy bar anytime I pretend to mow the lawn but just go siphon from the can’s secret candy compartment instead.
45. I made the mistake of rinsing out my metal gas can with water after mowing the lawn. A few days later I went to fill up my string trimmer and couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t start. Turns out the water had sunk to the bottom and stalled out the engine. Now I always dump my gas can upside down between uses.
46. Last month I absentmindedly tossed my metal gas can into the trunk before going through the car wash. The loud bangs and clangs from the can being tossed around broke the owner’s concentration and he accidentally crashed into the vehicle in front of him. Now there’s a “No gas cans in car wash” sign displayed.
47. My gas can looks boring so I decided to use it in my modern art sculpture for class. I cut holes and attached pieces of colorful plastic, then mounted it on a stool with wheels. My professor was not impressed. He said, “This isn’t art, it’s just a butchered container leaking gasoline!”
48. I made the foolish mistake of storing my emergency gasoline inside a bunch of empty soda bottles. Last weekend I grabbed what I thought was a nice cold cola but instead took a big swig of 87 octane. I barely avoided spitting it into the campfire which would have been a huge disaster.
49. Last summer, my neighbor’s wind chimes kept me up all night with their constant clanging. I decided to get revenge by using my gas can to launch water balloons at the chimes from across the fence. Unfortunately, I accidentally grabbed the gas can instead of water. Let’s just say I had some explaining to do after dousing his yard in gasoline.
50. During college I lived in an apartment with paper thin walls. My obnoxious neighbor played loud music all night. Fed up, I used a drinking straw attached to my gas can to siphon fuel into his air vents. Turns out unleaded gasoline does not behave well inside a furnace. My revenge backfired and I got evicted.
51. I was trying to impress a cute girl by showing off my upside down gas can chugging skills. Turns out gasoline shoots out your nose burns like crazy. I played it cool while screaming internally. Needless to say, she was not impressed.
52. Last summer I bought an antique glass gas can from a yard sale to use as a vase. A few days later I absentmindedly filled it with fuel from the pump, forgetting it was glass. Gasoline quickly dissolved the vase leaving a pile of cracked glass and a big puddle at my feet.
53. My nosy neighbor Helen saw me struggling to lift a heavy gas can. She said, “A petite lady like you can’t handle that big can!” I smiled and replied, “Don’t worry Helen, I have a small gas can just for you!” I’m pretty sure she got my insult.
54. I was running late for a barbecue and grabbed the closest red Solo cup to fill up the grill. After waiting and waiting for the coals to light, I realized my mistake – I had dumped a cup of beer, not gasoline, on the coals.
55. My girlfriend and I got into a huge fight last week. Angry, I used my gas can to burn a giant message into her lawn while she was at work. She was not happy to come home and see “We’re through” smoldering in the grass outside her house.
56. The new guy at work bragged that he once drank “a few swigs” from a gas can to impress his buddies. We all laughed until he burped gasoline fumes into a lit Bunsen burner and singed off his eyebrows.
57. My neighbor’s dog sprinted across the yard, picked up my full gas can in his teeth, and ran off. We finally caught him down the street, happily chewing on the mangled container surrounded by a giant puddle of spilled fuel.
