Garbage Bag Puns
1. I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a joke about garbage bags, but he said no thanks, he didn’t want to waste his time.
2. My friend said she was so angry she wanted to punch a hole in a garbage bag. I told her to just take a deep breath and bag it up.
3. I entered my pet garbage bag in a beauty pageant. He was such a handsome sack, I thought he had a good chance of winning. But in the end, the judges said he lacked poise.
4. I was feeling down so I decided to buy a garbage bag to cheer myself up. It helped lift my spirits.
5. I told my garbage bag it looked a little green this morning. It said it was just feeling a little recycled.
6. Did you hear about the new diet craze? It’s called the garbage bag diet. You eat whatever you want and then purge it into a Hefty.
7. My garbage bag is very insecure about its appearance. I keep telling it that beauty is only skin deep.
8. I asked the grocery store clerk where the garbage bags were. She said, “Aisle be trashed in a minute!”
9. I’m thinking of taking up garbage bag collecting as a hobby. My wife says I’m totally wasting my time. But hey, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!
10. Did you hear about the garbage bag that was feeling lonely? His friends tried to console him by saying there’s always someone out there for everyone!
Garbage Bag One-Liners
11. My garbage bag is so lazy, it just lays around the house all day doing nothing.
12. I asked my garbage bag to clean up its act, but it just gave me the cold shoulder.
13. My garbage bag has weird taste – it’s really into trashy reality shows.
14. I told my garbage bag a joke – it totally cracked up.
15. My garbage bag loves eating leftover scraps – it hates seeing good food go to waste.
16. My garbage bag is wise beyond its years – it’s seen a lot of trash come and go.
17. I wanted to give my garbage bag a big hug, but it pushed me away and said, “Don’t touch me!”
18. My garbage bag got really offended when I called it dumb. I guess I should be more sensitive about taking cheap shots.
19. My garbage bag loves dirty jokes – the raunchier the better. It has a twisted sense of humor.
20. My garbage bag always freaks out whenever I try to take out the trash – it hates being manhandled.
Best Garbage Bag Jokes
21. I was taking out the trash when my garbage bag suddenly started talking to me. It said, “Thanks for filling up my days with such interesting waste!” I screamed and ran back inside – I must be losing my mind!
22. My husband came home furious last night because someone had dumped their garbage bag all over his car. I told him to look on the bright side – at least now his car will smell better!
23. I was walking down a dark alley last night when a menacing garbage bag jumped out from behind a dumpster. It tied itself around my legs and hissed, “Your trash is now my treasure!” I’ve never run so fast in my life.
24. My friend likes to pretend his garbage bag is his pet dog. He takes it for walks, pets it, and even sings it lullabies before bed. I’m worried he’s losing touch with reality. Maybe someone should stage an intervention.
25. I was picking up litter in the park when I saw a garbage bag stuck in a tree. As I got closer, I realized there was a man inside it! He waved and yelled, “Just hangin’ out!” I shook my head and kept walking – there are some real weirdos in this town.
26. My son came home from kindergarten in tears today. When I asked what was wrong he sobbed, “All the other kids made fun of me for bringing my garbage bag lunchbox!” Poor kid – I guess a Hefty sack won’t cut it as a fashion statement.
27. Did you hear about the garbage bag that escaped from the landfill? It was found miles away trying to hitchhike its way to the big city. Looks like this sack got tired of small town dump life.
28. I saw a guy at the park who had turned his garbage bag into a poncho. He strutted around like he was on a fashion runway, obviously impressed with his innovative outfit. Fashion is clearly subjective.
29. My elderly neighbor came over today and shyly asked if I had any extra garbage bags. When I asked what for, she whispered, “I’ve started wearing them as nightgowns to save money on clothes.” I happily gave her a box of Glad ForceFlex bags.
30. A robber tried to disguise himself by tying a garbage bag around his head with holes cut out for his eyes. Needless to say, the police had no trouble identifying and arresting the suspect. Back to the drawing board!
31. I was taking my trash to the curb last night when I tripped over a sleeping homeless man wrapped up in a garbage bag blanket. We both apologized profusely as I helped him up. An awkward encounter for sure!
32. My redneck cousin got married over the weekend and his new bride walked down the makeshift aisle wearing a white garbage bag wedding gown. To each their own I guess! At least she carried wildflowers rather than a fly swatter.
33. I saw a poor kid at school wearing pants and a shirt made from stitched together garbage bags. It was a real bummer, but he rocked the look with confidence. The resilience of youth is inspiring.
34. My neighbors got into a screaming match over who left their garbage bags in the wrong spot. These folks take curbside trash pickup VERY seriously! I opted to quickly grab my mail and slip away unnoticed.
35. I was walking to my car when a pigeon flew overhead carrying half a McDonald’s burger in its beak. Next thing I knew, it dropped the burger and it landed perfectly in my open garbage bag full of trash. What luck!
36. My husband decided to surprise me by filling up the house with romantic candles and rose petals. He conveniently forgot that I took the garbage bags with me, so now our home is covered in melted wax and dead flowers. So romantic!
37. I was taking out the garbage when I stumbled over a duffle bag on my driveway. I nervously opened it up only to find it stuffed full of cash! Now my trash day haul is a whole lot more interesting.
38. My neighbor seems to think the street is her personal landfill. She keeps sneaking her garbage bags onto my curb in the middle of the night! I’m THIS close to setting up a trash stakeout to catch the responsibly-challenged culprit.
39. I saw my retired uncle fiddling around in the garage and asked what he was working on. He proudly held up his new invention – underwear made from old garbage bags. With questionable pride he said, “No more skid marks for me!”
40. I was walking my dog when he suddenly dove headfirst into a garbage bag on the sidewalk. He emerged triumphantly with an entire pizza in his mouth! Now I know why he gets so excited on trash day.
41. My garbage bag burst open when I was taking it to the curb and dirty diapers went flying everywhere. As I scrambled to clean up, my nosey neighbor peaked out and I heard her shout to her husband “We’re not moving anymore, the neighborhood is finally going downhill!”
42. I saw a man picking through the dumpster behind a restaurant last night. He happily pulled out a styrofoam container and yelled “Jackpot, leftover lasagna!” before devouring the contents. Hopefully that meal tasted better than it looks.
43. I caught my boyfriend trying to sneak his dirty laundry into my garbage bag so he didn’t have to do it himself. When I confronted him, he shrugged and said “What? The trash gets taken out either way!” Unbelievable.
44. My friend keeps her house spotless but confided that she hides all her mess in the garage in a mountain of garbage bags. I guess that’s one way to keep up appearances! Out of sight, out of mind.
45. My neighbors were horrified when they looked out their window at midnight to see me dancing in the street wearing nothing but a garbage bag! In my defense, it was a dare. Still, time to avoid eye contact for the next decade.
46. I saw my neighbor yelling at a raccoon this morning. Apparently it had tried to make off with her garbage bag and pulled trash all over her yard. She should know better than to get between a bandit and its next meal!
47. I walked in on my brother doing the unthinkable – making out with a garbage bag! He didn’t even look that embarrassed when I asked him what the heck he was doing. We really need to get him a girlfriend.
48. No matter how many times I tell him, my husband refuses to take out the garbage and keeps just piling new bags in front of the back door. At this rate, I’ll have to climb Mt. Trashmore just to leave the house!
49. I saw my neighbor sneak out of his house at 3am dragging a suspicious garbage bag sized bundle. Not sure what nefarious plans he has for the contents, but nothing good happens at that hour!
50. My trash was 2 days late being picked up this week thanks to the holiday. By the time the garbage truck finally arrived, the bags were tearing from raccoons trying to get inside. My street looked like confetti.
51. I was walking by a dark alley when a creepy voice called out “Hey you! Wanna know what’s in the bag?” I took off running and could hear hysterical laughter as the serial killer wannabe yelled “It’s just trash! Lighten up!”