Frog Puns
1. What do you call a frog that’s bad at hide and seek? A croak-er.
2. What do you call a frog that works as a TV reporter? A news croaker.
3. Why are frogs always so happy? They just have to be hoppy.
4. What do you call a frog that likes to play the guitar? A shredd-it.
5. Why did the frog’s friends stop inviting him to parties? He was too amphibious.
6. How do frogs stay connected? They use ribb-it.
7. What do you call a frog who works as a pilot? A hopperator.
8. Why was the frog fired from his job as a taxi driver? Too many hop-ons.
9. Why do frogs make good dancers? They have natural rhythm.
10. What do you call a psychic frog? A fourtune teller.
11. Why did the frog go to Hollywood? He wanted to be a star!
12. What do you call a frog that makes you laugh? A ribbiter.
13. What’s a frog’s favorite kind of music? Hip hop.
14. What do you call a frog that works on cars? A mechanic ribbit.
15. What do frogs drink at the bar? Croak-a Cola.
Frog One-Liners
16. My friend the frog always speaks his mind – wart ever’s on it.
17. The frog gave a ribbeting performance at the comedy club last night.
18. That frog is one cool amphibian – nothing fazes him, he just chills.
19. Be patient talking to frogs – they have a croak in their throat.
20. The restaurant’s specialty is frog legs – they’re supposed to be de-lish.
21. The frog really hopped to it to get his work done on time.
22. The frog cacophony at night keeps me up – it’s an absolute rib-bit.
23. That frog is always looking for an easy hop out.
24. Beware of that frog – he’s slippery as can be.
25. The frog loves water – you can’t keep him out of the pond.
Best Frog Jokes
26. A man was walking by a pond when he heard a frog calling out to him. “Come over here and hug me, my friend!” The man looked around and didn’t see anyone, so he kept walking. The frog called out again, “Just come over and give me a hug, it will make my day!”
The man finally spotted the frog sitting on a lilypad. He walked over and the frog said, “Thank you for coming over, now how about that hug?” The man picked up the frog, gave him a quick hug, and set him back down. The frog looked up and said, “Wow, now my whole body is shaking!”
The man replied, “Well, I just ate a Mexican for lunch!”
27. Three frogs were sitting on a log when one decided to jump into the pond. How many frogs were left on the log?
Three – deciding to jump into the pond and actually jumping are two different things!
28. A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He sees the teller’s nameplate which reads ‘Patricia Whack.’
Hello Patty Whack, I’d like to take out a $30,000 loan,” says the frog.
Patty looks at the frog with disbelief and asks how he plans on paying it back.
The frog reaches into his pocket and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig. “This is my lucky pig, if you kiss it, it will turn into solid gold.”
Patty is very skeptical, but figures she has nothing to lose. She kisses the tiny pig and to her great surprise, the pig turns to shiny gold!
“What do you know, it worked!” exclaims Patty. She fills out the frog’s loan paperwork and wishes him good luck.
A week later, Patty is startled to see the frog hop back into the bank, carrying a large bag stuffed with money. The frog walks right up to her window and begins dumping bills into her teller drawer.
“I’m here to repay my loan, plus the interest,” says the frog with a smile.
Patty is stunned. “I have to admit, I didn’t expect to see you here with the money. Out of curiosity, where did you get it?”
The frog replies, “Did you ever hear of a whorehouse?”
Patty nods her head, still quite bewildered.
“Well,” says the frog, “I just fucked the pig.”
29. A man takes his pet frog to a veterinarian.
“Doctor,” he says, “this is my pet frog Ernest. Lately he just hasn’t been acting like himself. All he does is sit there and stare at the wall. He won’t even eat his flies!”
The vet picks up Ernest and examines his eyes, ears, and mouth. He listens to Ernest’s heart and takes his temperature. Finally, the vet shakes his head sadly.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing physically wrong with your frog,” he says. “This appears to be a psychological issue. Your frog is depressed.”
“That’s terrible!” cries the man. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”
“Well,” says the vet, “you could try getting him some toys, or setting up a little frog pond so he has a more stimulating environment.”
“Will that cure him?” asks the man.
“No,” says the vet, “but it might cheer him up a bit.”
30. An optimistic frog was hopping down a country road when he was suddenly scooped up by a large bird of prey! As the bird headed for a tall tree to eat her meal, the frog cried out, “Boy, I’m sure glad I’m not poisonous!”
The bird paused and asked, “Why are you glad about that?”
“Because if I were poisonous, you would have dropped me by now!” replied the frog happily.
31. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad away.
32. What do you get if you cross a frog with a comedian? Ribbbit Robin.
33. Why couldn’t the frog jump into the pond? It only had two legs.
34. What did the baby frog order from the fast food restaurant? French flies and a hoppy meal!
35. Why are frogs always so happy? They just have to be hoppy.
