Flying Puns
- I wanted to make a joke about airplanes, but it would probably go over your head.
- My friend got fired from his job as an airline pilot. It came completely out of the blue.
- I tried to make a joke about the Wright Brothers, but it just didn’t take flight.
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic airplane pilot? He needed more flying room.
- Why don’t balloons fly as high as airplanes? They don’t have the altitude.
- The scared passenger asked the flight attendant, “What happens if all the engines fail on this airplane?” She replied, “Don’t worry, this plane was built to glide for miles.” The passenger said, “Yeah, but what about straight down?!”
- My friend decided to get her pilot’s license solely to fly banners with inspirational messages over beaches. You could say she wanted to spread her wings and soar to new heights.
- I wanted to tell a joke about airplanes, but it never got off the ground.
- Did you hear about the pilot who was fired for dropping food to people affected by the hurricane? His bosses said he air-dropped the ball.
- What airline only flies once a year? Virgin Airways.
Flying One-Liners
- I’m afraid of flying since my suitcase never seems to make it on the plane.
- Airline food is proof that flying takes away your sense of taste.
- My parents always told me to aim high in life. So I became a pilot.
- I’ll never forget my first flight on an airplane. It was the Wright thing to do.
- Turbulence is just the pilot doing an interpretive dance to Rick Astley.
- The most useless things to a nervous flyer are runway numbers.
- I love air travel – it’s the best way to spread your wings and soar above your problems.
- Airports would be so much better if the shops sold plane food too.
- Middle seats on airplanes are like the twins bunk bed – nobody wants to sleep there.
- Flying with babies is birth control you can’t turn off.
Best Flying Jokes
- A family is flying home from vacation when their plane suddenly hits terrible turbulence. The captain gets on the loudspeaker and announces, “I’m afraid we’re experiencing some extreme turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts and remain calm.” The family’s young son turns to his dad and asks, “What does turbulence mean?” The dad thinks quickly and says, “Well son, turbulence is when the pilot does this” and then starts jerking the kid back and forth in his seat. The kid laughs and says, “No, dummy! Turbulence is when Mommy hasn’t had her coffee yet!”
- Two pilots are getting ready to take off in their airplane when the co-pilot notices something wrong. He says to the pilot, “There’s a big crack down the middle of the runway. We’d better alert ground control.” The pilot replies, “Nah, it’s fine. That’s what takeoff is for!” He then accelerates down the runway and the plane’s front wheel gets stuck in the gap, ripping off the wheel. Now sliding on their bellies, the plane starts sending up sparks. The pilot still wants to take off and hits the throttle, speeding down the runway. More sparks start flying until finally a wing hits the ground and the plane grinds to a halt. The pilot angrily turns to the co-pilot and shouts, “They need to close that hole!”
- An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, “I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.” The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”
- A grandmother and her granddaughter are flying to visit family. The little girl is visibly nervous. “What’s the matter, Julie? Are you afraid of crashing?” asks grandma. “No,” says Julie, “I’m not afraid of crashing, but I am a bit nervous about the landing!”
- On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system and announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some bad news. Our engines have failed and this plane will be going down momentarily. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.” After a few moments of silence, a voice is heard over the cabin intercom, “Excuse me, this is the flight attendant speaking. I would just like to remind everyone to please remain calm and seated as our captain is simply trying to get us upgraded to first class.”
- A mother is flying with her young son on an airplane for the very first time. The son is eagerly looking out the window during takeoff. “Look mom, we’re flying! We’re flying!” he exclaims joyfully. “Yes honey, we’re flying!” the mother replies. After a few minutes, the plane levels off and the boy returns to gazing out the window. “Wow, we’re still flying!” he says excitedly. “Yes dear, planes tend to do that,” the mother chuckles. After a while longer the boy once again proclaims, “We’re still flying!” The mother laughs and says, “I know sweetie, isn’t it amazing?” At this point, the passenger next to them who has been listening in leans over with a grin and says to the boy, “Kid, this ain’t no bus.”
- An aircraft mechanic dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the pearly gates, Saint Peter looks him up in the database and says, “Ah yes, we’ve been expecting you. You get one day in heaven to do whatever you wish.” So the mechanic says, “I want to spend the day working on airplanes.” Saint Peter thinks this is an odd request, but he sends the man to an airplane hangar. The mechanic happily spends the day tuning up planes and performing maintenance. The next day when Saint Peter checks on him, the mechanic says, “That was the most fun I’ve ever had! I want to spend today doing the same thing.” Saint Peter agrees, though he is a bit perplexed. And for the next 30 years, each day the aircraft mechanic spends his time in heaven working on airplanes. Finally, Saint Peter approaches the man and says, “You know, tomorrow is the 31st anniversary of your arrival. What would you like to do as a special treat?” The mechanic looks at Saint Peter with confusion and replies, “What do you mean, tomorrow I can go back to work on the airplanes!”
- An airplane cleaner is cleaning a plane between flights when he sees a pilot boarding with a guide dog. “Hey, aren’t guide dogs only for blind people?” asks the cleaner. The pilot responds, “Oh I’m not blind, I’m just allergic to dogs!”
- Mom: If your friends all jumped off of a plane, would you jump too?Son: No, I’d be the pilot flying the plane, so I could shove them out one by one.
- Two men, Jake and Bob, are flying in a small propeller airplane. Halfway through their flight, one of the engines goes out. “Not to worry,” says Jake the pilot, “we can fly just fine on one engine.” About an hour later, the other engine dies. “Uh oh,” says Jake, “now we’ve got a real problem. I’ll have to put her down over that field and we’ll have to walk to the nearest town.” “Will it be okay?” asks Bob nervously. “Sure,” says Jake. As they come in low over the field, Jake lowers the landing gear. Unfortunately, when he tries to bring down the flaps, nothing happens. The plane is coming in too fast. “Brace yourself!” Jake yells as he struggles to put the plane down safely. It hits the ground hard, bounces back into the air and crashes again even harder. Eventually the plane skids to a stop. Miraculously, the two men survive unharmed, though badly shaken. “Whew!” exclaims Bob, “Thank goodness we wore our seatbelts!” “Yeah,” replies Jake, “it’s a good thing I did too. Otherwise, I would have been bounced all over the cabin when we landed.”
- Why are airplanes so nosy? Because they’re always in everyone’s business!
- Why don’t elephants fly on airplanes? Because they would need enormous-sized peanuts!
- What do you call an airplane pilot who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless!
- Why did the Cessna crash into the cemetery? Because the pilot died at the controls!
- Why don’t birds fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls (bagels)!
- What’s the difference between an airplane and an arrow? One has a cockpit and the other is feathered!
- Why don’t birds like airplanes? There’s no flight attendants!
- Why was the pilot mad at his flight instructor? He had given him bad landing tips!
- How does the captain keep his F-16 on course? With flight controls!
- Why was the hang glider frustrated? He was up in the air!
- Why was the hot air balloon feeling down? He needed someone to lift his spirits!