Floor Puns (10)
1. I’m thinking of redoing my floors. Wood laminate me think twice before making a decision though.
2. My floors are so dusty, it really sweeps me off my feet.
3. I was going to hire someone to redo my floors, but I decided to wing it instead. It was a floor sight cheaper.
4. I wanted hardwood floors, but all I could afford was linoleum. I guess you get what you pay linoleum for.
5. I was feeling down so I decided to mop the floors to lift my spirits. It really cleaned up my mood.
6. I spilled juice on the floor and tried to sop it up with paper towels, but they kept tearing. I guess the juice was too pulp for the paper.
7. My dog keeps tracking mud on the floors. It really grinds my gears having to constantly clean his paw prints.
8. I was going to wax the floors today, but I slipped on the idea.
9. Our floors creak terribly. I guess we took them for granite.
10. The flooring store has a great sale on vinyl planks. You could say it totally floors me.
Floor One-Liners (10)
11. My floors are so dirty, the roaches wear slippers.
12. Just washed the floors – time to let the dogs back in.
13. I spilled something on the floor – let the 5 second rule begin.
14. My floors are so dusty, I have to wear a mask indoors.
15. Just mopped the floors – now we can eat off them for the next 5 minutes.
16. My wooden floors creak more than a haunted house.
17. I was going to clean the floors, but procrastination won again.
18. Who needs a Roomba when you have kids to sweep the floors?
19. Just shined up these floors – now I can see my reflection.
20. My flooring is so old, there’s a new fossil underneath.
Best Floor Jokes (23)
21. I was fed up with my creaky wooden floors so I removed them all. Now I just have subfloors.
22. I was tired of my dull vinyl flooring so I decided to replace it with flashing LED tiles. Now my floors really light up the room!
23. I installed fake grass carpet in my living room as a fun way to bring the outdoors inside. Now my floors are always green, even in winter!
24. My wife wanted our floors redone but I had just finished a big home renovation project. I told her, “Sorry honey, my re-modeling days are over.”
25. We recently got new hardwood floors installed but our dog won’t stop slipping and sliding everywhere. Now the floors are covered in puppy burnout marks.
26. I decided to install radiant floor heating, but I crossed some wires and now my floors electrocute me when I walk barefoot. Talk about a shocking experience!
27. Our new puppy was potty training and had an accident right after we had the floors redone. I guess her aim isn’t so great on shiny new hardwood.
28. I wanted to install bamboo flooring for an eco-friendly vibe but all I could find was shamboo. Unfortunately my floors weren’t as green as I had hoped.
29. We got fancy new hardwood floors but didn’t realize how loud tap shoes would be on them. Our toddler’s nightly dance parties are now Shake, Rattle and Roll time.
30. I decided to replace our floors with trampolines to make cleaning more fun. But now the house is constantly bouncing and I’m getting motion sickness.
31. We got new hardwood floors, but didn’t realize our Great Dane’s nails would leave huge scratches everywhere. Now it looks like we have an aggressive poltergeist.
32. I wanted to install heated floors but got the wiring mixed up. Now my ceiling is warm and my feet are freezing.
33. Our kids spilled grape juice on our cream carpet, so we decided to install dark wood floors. But now every speck of dust shows – out of the frying pan and into the dust buster.
34. We hired cheap contractors to install our new floors. They rushed the job and now our floors are as uneven as a toddler’s first pancake.
35. I wanted an open floor plan to make my home feel more spacious. I knocked down too many walls and now my house is just one big empty room.
36. I installed metal floors for an industrial look. Now my whole house looks like the inside of a robot factory.
37. We put shag carpet in every room for a retro 70s vibe. Our floors look funky but they’re a dirt and dust magnet.
38. I replaced all the floors with trampolines to make cleaning more fun. But now my house is a giant gerbil habitrail that never stops bouncing.
39. We hired cheap contractors and our new floors are so uneven, it’s like walking through a funhouse. Who needs amusement parks?
40. I wanted green floors to match my sustainability goals. I used astroturf but now my whole house smells like old football equipment.
41. We installed heated floors but they short-circuited. Now our house is so hot, we cook dinner by just placing raw food on the floor.
42. I replaced our hardwood floors with Legos to be more kid-friendly. It seemed like a good idea until I stepped barefoot on a 2×4 brick.
43. We hired the lowest bidder to install our floors and they did a terrible job. There are gaps, cracks and nails sticking up everywhere. Now our floors look like an obstacle course on Wipeout.
