Flag Puns
1. I asked the flag maker if the flags were on sails. He said, “Yes, all of our flags are on sails today!”
2. I was trying to hang the flag up outside but the pole kept bending. I guess I need a stiffer flag pole to fly it high.
3. My friend got frustrated trying to fold up the flag properly. I told him not to get so bent out of shape about it.
4. I entered my flag design into the county fair contest. But it turns out, the judges aren’t fans of my work. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
5. I started a flag decal business but had to close up shop. Turns out there just wasn’t much demand unless I was willing to sell the flags at half mast.
6. I asked my friend if he knew how to fold the flag properly. He said, “Nope, I usually just wing it.”
7. Did you hear about the angry protester who stole a flag and ripped it up? He really raised some red flags with that act of rebellion.
8. I wanted an American flag but all they had were rainbow flags. I guess I’ll have to settle for stars and stripes forever.
9. Working at the flag factory really tests my patience. But I can’t just quit on the fly like that.
10. I entered my flag design into the art contest but they said it violated the rules. I guess my creation was a big red flag.
Flag One-Liners
11. I waved the white flag as soon as I saw the disastrous state of my finances.
12. When designing the new city flag, they decided to think outside the box, which was their first mistake.
13. I tried to capture the flag during capture the flag, but my lack of speed was a red flag.
14. Before hanging the flag, make sure the stars are in the top left corner, unless you want to start an international incident.
15. When we couldn’t agree on the flag design, we decided to table the discussion before things got too heated.
16. The wind really made that flag billow like a parachute, nearly lifting me off my feet at the ceremony.
17. You can’t capture a flag when you’re focused on the snacks on the sidelines instead of the game.
18. When my friend bought a flag with 51 stars, I decided it wasn’t worth arguing and just nodded along.
19. If you’re looking for good flag jokes, you’ve come to the right flagpole.
20. Before you hang any flag, be sure to read the washing instructions so the colors don’t bleed.
Best Flag Jokes
21. Last week, my friend invited me over to watch the big game. He had snacks and drinks ready for the party. But when I arrived, he had decorated his entire house with flags from our rival team! I couldn’t believe he would wave the enemy flag right in my face like that – it was the ultimate betrayal. I refused to step foot in his house and immediately went home to watch the game by myself. Next time, I’ll be sure to confirm he has the proper team flags flying before accepting a party invite from him!
22. I was hiking through the wilderness by myself and got lost. Luckily, I had brought along an emergency locator beacon and activated it so rescuers could find me. After waiting for hours, I finally heard a helicopter overhead. I walked out into a clearing, waving my arms to get their attention. The helicopter landed and two serious looking men in suits climbed out. They asked me what I was doing out here alone. I explained I was just going for a hike and got turned around. One of the men nodded and said, “Well you really raised a red flag with that emergency beacon of yours. We thought it was a major emergency!” Of course, they gave me a ride back to civilization. But from then on, I knew not to send emergency signals lightly!
23. My friend Benny decided to run for city council last year. He didn’t have much experience, but he was passionate about our community. His whole campaign rested on one issue: fixing the ugly city flag. For months he held rallies, put up lawn signs, and spoke to every voter about how he would make the city flag beautiful again. By election day, Benny’s singular focus on flags was really waving some red flags for me. Still, I hoped he would do a good job if elected. Well, Benny actually won! But in his first week as a city council member, he introduced a resolution to have the city flag redesigned. It failed quickly since nobody else cared about the flag’s looks. Now Benny keeps complaining about the “ugly old flag” rather than getting any real work done. I should have taken his flag fixation as a warning sign not to vote for him!
24. When my friend joined the military, I was invited to attend his boot camp graduation ceremony. As I took my seat in the stands, I saw a group of soldiers marching onto the parade ground, flags held high. While I was cheering them on, the soldier next to me whispered to watch the second platoon. As they marched out, I saw my friend trip and fall flat on his face! His huge flagpole then slammed down right on top of him for a perfect ten-point landing. The entire platoon marched over their fallen comrade, leaving him bruised and embarrassed in the dirt. After the ceremony, my friend confessed the giant ceremonial flag was just too heavy and awkward for the march. So maybe oversized flags come with their own set of red flags – something for new recruits to watch out for!
25. During the Olympics one year, a women’s beach volleyball team was disqualified for wearing shorts that were half an inch too short. The Olympic committee claimed they were “waving a red flag” with their inappropriate attire. But the women argued there was nothing wrong with their athletic shorts. They said the Olympic organizers discriminated against them because of sexist rules. When telling me this story, my friend concluded that over-regulation of women’s uniforms does raise some actual red flags we should address. I totally agree – if a man can compete shirtless in a sport, then women athletes should wear whatever uniforms they see fit!