Finger Puns
1. I’m not going to point any fingers, but someone took my donut.
2. The criminal tried to finger someone else for the crime, but his fingerprints were all over the scene.
3. I asked the birthday boy how old he was turning, but he just gave me the finger.
4. I entered the finger picking guitar contest, but I didn’t have a pluck at winning.
5. The smartphone has made everyone point and click instead of lift a finger.
6. I was going to make finger puppets with my kids, but they gave me the finger.
7. I broke my finger at the gym trying to lift too much weight. I guess I should have exercised more restraint.
8. I played connect the dots with my friend, but he kept cutting me off at the finger.
9. The mobster refused to finger his partner in crime. He didn’t want to point the finger at a friend.
10. I asked my friend if he wanted to thumb wrestle, but he gave me the cold finger.
11. The finger painter was hailed as the new Picasso of modern art.
12. I was nervous about bowling with only two fingers in the ball. But in the end, it was a spare of the moment.
Finger One-Liners
13. Don’t point your finger at me unless you’re prepared to put a ring on it.
14. They say the finger is quicker than the eye, so I’m keeping my eye on you.
15. I’m all thumbs when it comes to sewing, I always seem to prick my finger.
16. I was in a hurry so I hailed a cab with one finger.
17. I fell down and broke my finger, but luckily my wedding ring cushioned the blow.
18. I have butter fingers – I’m always dropping stuff!
19. They say one finger can’t lift a bale of cotton, but two fingers can if they belong to Hercules.
20. I’m going to start exercising more, I can barely lift a finger as it is.
21. I was nervous on my first date, so I kept twiddling my thumbs under the table.
22. They say too many cooks spoil the broth, tell that to my friend with 11 fingers!
Best Finger Jokes
23. I broke my finger last week and went to the hospital. The doctor came in and said “let me see your finger,” so I gave him the finger. He said “no, I need to see your broken finger to examine it.” Embarrassed, I showed him my broken finger.
After examining it he said “yes it’s definitely broken, I’ll put a splint on it and bandage it up.” As he was wrapping up my finger in a bandage, he jokingly asked “now how did you manage to break your middle finger anyway?” So naturally, I gave him the finger again.
24. Did you hear about the mobster who lost a finger in an accident? Now he’s a low ranking member of the Four Fingers crime family.
25. I was biking down the street when a car cut me off. Out of instinct I gave the driver the finger. Turns out it was a cop. He pulled me over and threatened to write me a ticket for obscene finger gestures. Luckily he let me off with a warning after I pleaded profusely and promised to keep my fingers to myself.
26. My friend was born with six fingers on each hand. Whenever he tells people about it they’re surprised and ask “can I see your extra fingers?” He always replies “sure, here’s one finger for you right now!”
27. Did you hear about the man who lost his finger in a bowling ball accident? Apparently there was a hole in one.
28. I was in my doctor’s office for my annual check up today. He said “big breaths” and I took a deep breath. Then he said “turn your head and cough” so I did. Then he said “ok now let me see your fingers” and I was like umm…what? Why do you need to see my fingers doc? Turns out he just wanted to check my fingernails as part of the check up. Man was that awkward.
29. What do you call someone who points their finger at people? Rude! Keep your fingers to yourself unless you’re using sign language.
30. My friend was bragging that he can bench press 250 lbs so I said prove it. He simply lifted his middle finger. I was like hey that doesn’t count! But he claimed that was all the proof he needed to demonstrate the power of his fingers.
31. What do you call a finger that’s been cut off? A digital digit!
32. My fingers are so cold, they’re basically icicles at this point. Or should I say, icifingers.
33. What do you call a psychic finger? A fourtune teller!
34. Did you hear about the mobster who cut off his enemy’s fingers? He dismembered him.
35. I entered the finger dance competition last night. But I didn’t have all the right moves, so unfortunately I didn’t make the final cut.
36. Did you hear about the man with bionic fingers? He can pick up an entire car with just one hand! I guess you could say he’s got a strong grip.
37. What do you call someone who is all thumbs when it comes to typing? A digital dummy!
